Happy 3rd Birthday Karsten

[bebe]

Edited to add:

It has been another year. I still miss this little Boy more than words can say. Happy 4th Birthday my sweet Karsten. I hope you get all the presents and love your heart desires.


__________________________________________________ ___________

I write this now, tonight, so tomorrow on Karsten's Birthday I can celebrate his life. On May 16th 2004 a sweet little boy was born. He was to be our Son and we named him Karsten John. This year, just as last year and the year before that, my heart is breaking because that darling little boy never came to live at our home.

As the long timers know, after spending 5 months getting to know BM (shopping, lunching etc), attending every Dr's apt., coaching BM through the delivery of our Son, feeding him his first bottle, changing his first diaper, giving him his first kiss, ect......

....his estranged known drug user, looser BF showed up and decided to parent (fortunately with the help of his own some what normal parents). BM was crushed but still did not want to parent. I do not know for sure but I pray and must believe that his grandparents have insured his safety and are giving him a good life.

Karsten, please know that "this Mommy" loves you like crazy. Someday we will meet again and you will know I am the Mommy you never knew but "always" had.

Thanks for listening,

bebe

[SgtMom]

[ANP]

Sorry this is so late.....HUGS!!!!!!!!!!I think of my ds every birthday too and like you have the same feelings. Your the best mom !!!!!!One day we'll hopefully see our boys again.

[bebe]

Yes. One day we will see our Boys again. Hug to you too.

bebe

[bebe]

It has been another year. I still miss this little Boy more than words can say. Happy 4th Birthday my sweet Karsten. I hope you get all the presents and love your heart desires.

[ANP]

BEBE,
Hugs.....I also pray he has a great birthday...I know you celebrated for him in your heart. He is loved.
AMYP

[madison08]

We just recently became involved in what we thought was going to be an open adoption. Mom signed all the paper work and we came home with our beautiful Madison. She will be 11 weeks old on tuesday and we are all that she ever has known. Today at 6:30 pm our world as we knew it and our hearts have been shattered. 2 POLICE officers and a DHS Worker came to out home and took our beautiful Madison away and placed her in protective custody and back with her mother because she now has decided to come clean from the Meth she was using and wants her baby back!
WHERE are the laws that protect the adoptive parents? Who picks up the pieces of their shattered lives? wHO DECIDE'S WHAT'S in the best interest of a child that they never ever held, or fed or loved! So I feel your pain today and share with you your babies birthday. If you have any words of encouragement please feel free to post...

[ANP]

Madison,
My heart breaks for you and your baby. I also had a failed placement after we brought our son home 9 years ago....It is heartbreaking and the pain your feeling now is unbearable. Just breathe.......one foot at a time.....breathe some more. I also recommend grief counseling withsomeone who deals with failed adoptions. It was helpful for me. Nine years later I long for my son and like Bebe come here to talk to others who understand our pain. Please stay in touch with your attornies and those who could replace her if something should fail. There was one mom here who after failed placement the birthmom did rechange her mind after a few days....I am not sayign this will happen nor am I trying to give false hope as it is rare but not impossible....Praying for a miracle that your sweet girl comes back to you ......
Please keep us posted and know we are here for you.
AMYP

[madison08]

well once again the system wins! Where is the support for all the adoptive parents who have had to give their children back to a meth user, an abusive mom or dad!?? Here is my promise to all those who have lost children due to the system! I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO CHANGE THE LAWS REGARDING THE RIGHTS OF AN ADOPTIVE PARENT. IF ANY OF YOU WANT TO GET ON BOARD WITH ME PLEASE FEEL FREE TO EMAIL . AND LETS STOP THIS INSANITY AND INJUSTICE.

[bebe]

but I am so so sorry for you and the fresh pain you are feeling. I'm devastated for you. I remember that pain like a jagged knife jabbing me the heart. Your pain is real and you have every right to be angry.

I do not know the answers to your questions. All I could tell myself then and even now is that life is just not fair. Not fair to my little Karsten, not fair to Amy's Son, not fair to your sweet Madison and definitely not fair to all the Adoptive Parents who have had their hearts ripped out and lives crushed by a Birth Mother's or Birth Father's flip/flop decision. I also hold close in my heart that someday in Heaven my Son will know that I am the Mommy he was meant to have and we will be together again.

If you believe in any superior being, PRAY, and PRAY a lot. Pray for peace of understanding, pray for your daughter, yourself, your husband and pray for the birth Mother to finally get her **** together. I found this last one hard after our Son's Drugie Birth Father took him back but the best I could hope for was that he would stay clean and give my Son a good life. I still pray for this (I have had no news or contact with BM or BF since we had to give our Son back).

Realize that your Husband may respond differently to the loss and let him grieve in his own way. He may not be able to be there for you as you would like because he is struggling to console himself.

As adoptive parents we have very little rights and as much as I would love to see some changes in our rights, I do not think it will happen.

As Amy said take one breath at a time, be open to grief counseling and come here to talk to us as much as you like. You can PM me any time.

My heart goes out to you,

bebe