Just needed a place ....

[ANP]

Well it has been 7 years......Seven years since my son was born( adopted)...You get the gest of where I am going. His name was Nicholas..We called him Nick. We had him 5 days and the bm changed her mind. IT is so hard on me...My heart aches for him and I just feel like our family should have him here.....Some do not understand as they say that he was not ours biologically....well from a mom who has both bio and adopted now...There is no difference..not in my heart. I have this big whole where he will always be in my heart...Words can not describe the pain I have .... I remember everything about him, his first weights , his height, the dr telling us that he may have cancer and us telling them do whatever we are here....then him being OK...Us bringing him home to my brothers (out of state) the attorney not calling and telling us that she was changing her mind but finding out from someone else. Having to meet her in the middle of the night and having to give him back.....Tears..........so many tears..........She did not even have a car seat for an infant but a booster...no clothes, no food...we were told he would end up in foster in the near future as she was deciding to parent. MORE TEARS>>>>>>>Thanks for just letting me write this down...thanks for your support over the years........He'll always be my first born....We have a baby book of his first 5 days with us....my heart just aches.......I know I am rambling....

[KelliAnn]

Not rambling..........

As a mom of 2 daughters that were taken away, I completely understand. Failed adoptions are pains that stay with us. I understand.........

[nicci]

I understand what you are going thru. We did the same thing but they only difference is that we had our baby for almost three years we were trying to get his mom to sign the papers and never did. He ended up in the foster care system about 3 months later and his foster family ended up adopting him. We tried to get him back but we were not foster parents yet. So I know what you are going thru. I remember every birthday and christmas for him. I still have all of his pics hanging up on the walls they will NEVER EVER come down. I wish I could help you but it will always hurt but trust me it does get easier you will always think about them. Just pray to god that whereever they are that they are being taking care of.

[Margarete Anne]

Amy,

I had no idea......how did I miss the story of the loss of your son....I am so sorry. Of course, he is your son.......he was born under your heart.......it does not matter how a child comes to you......you want them, you wait for them, you plan for them, you love them, you name them sometimes.......I am sorry for the pain of still missing your first born baby.

Hugs,
Margaret Anne

[ANP]

KelliAnn, Nicci, and Margrete Anne

Thank you for your kind words....It means so much to have support during such a hard time...Looking forward to next week and putting this week behind me.

[bebe]

AMYP:

Your pain and loss are real. I too lost a Son the same way. For all the blessings we have the loss of what we should have still hits hard.

Your love for your DS is totally genuine and extremely special. Trust in your heart that there is a higher power and someday your Son will know your love.

Strength to you,

bebe

[Fernanda]

Amy, I have only now seen your post. I remember all so well when it happened... it was so sad, we cried with you and your husband. I hate when people say this is not a loss, because the baby was not yours anyway... hugs dear, it must hurt so much.

We had a failed placement, and to be honest what hurted me most was the attitude of my parents who simply ignored the case. they have never even said they were sorry.

I have no advice, just wanted to say that we are here for you,

Fernanda

[ANP]

Bebe and Fernanda,
Thank you both for your support. I get really sad around this time of year....It helps having people acknowledge your loss . I was told by someone once on these boards that my loss was not understandable and it was not my biological child. I feel for that person to this day that they do not understand the love of a child no matter how they came to you. My love for my lost son or my now adopted dd is not any different than my love for my biological children. I just smile at how grown up my adopted dd is and how she is so much a part of our family and could not imagine not having her.
Fernanda- I am sorry for your loss too. It does place a hole and sadness for your lost child in your heart. I am lucky that my parents were there with us and was as lost and hurt as we were. They grieved as we did and still do. But that is rare b/c so many people do not understand. I still have copies of his u/s and pic from the hospital and home which will always be a part of us and hopefully he is safe now and with a forever family.

Thanks again ladies for your support as June is almost over and I can move forward yet another year. Pray that these boards stay dormant and no more families have to endure this type of pain or loss.

[Taylor'sMommy]

Amy....a little late, but I just wanted to say I am sorry. I,too, remember your horror....And, I remember your hubby's post. I pray God gives you peace throughout these years. And, I pray He grants that sweet boy joy in his heart.

God bless.