Intro

[KellyAR]

Thanks for the support, Memphis! It's nice to feel that it's okay to grieve. Most people say it is, but I know it could have been so much worse. Still this is so hard, and sad, and disappointing.
K

[alaskaamber]

My name is Amber, I live in Alaska and we have 6 bio children. One of our childrens suffers from a very rare disorder that causes his skin to blister with the slightest touch. We had never considered adoption since we have 6 wonderful children, we seem to be overly blessed! Then last June we got a somewhat frantic call from an adoption agent in another state. She explained that she had a 12 wek old girl with the same disorder (EB) and that she could not find a home for her because of it. My husband and I are Christians, so we prayed about it. I honestly never thought he would want to do it, but he came to me one night about 3 days later and said in was heavy on his heart to adopt our little Anne. So we called the agency and said we would do what we needed and see if we could adopt her. We got a homestudy done, and were approved. We set up a nursery, and since our family is very close, we decided to all drive to get our new baby together. (I would fly home with her). We drove 6,000 miles with 6 kids, and when we arrived the agent told us she changed her mind and wanted to place her somewhere else. My heart was so broken. Even though I had not carried her in my body, she was mine the minute we were approved, and it was worse than the misscarriage we had gone through. Of course everyone was sad, but they would say, "well you have so many kids already", or "she was disabled anyway" as if that mattered!
We eventually put it behind us, when last month we recieved word of another little girl in another COUNTRY with EB. She is 3 and has never left the hospital. Or the crib for that matter. She doesn't talk or walk, mainly because she has been given little attention. We sent our homestudy right away. We were told at first they really wanted us to adopt her, but my husband recently went back to court to modify his child support on a child he had when he was 17 years old. The country denied us because of that reason. I'm not sure if it was because of the child or the modifing of support. So we again were saddened. Then we got word that they may still accept us once the modification is final, and that the little girl has a 10 year old sister who is in the same hospital, and even worse off than the little one.
Which brings me to now. With my whole heart I want to bring these girls home, give them love and good medical care. But I am so afraid of getting my heart involved only to have it break again, that pain is just too hard to go through.
Any thoughts are welcome,
Amber

[ANP]

Amber,
Words can not describe the loss you have endured. Wish that it was so simple as to say what you need. Take a step back and grieve this process that has put you in such a state. Your going to need your strength to take on a medical situation and right now it sounds like your defeated and hurting. I still hurt for the loss that we had almost 7 years ago. Not a day goes by that I wonder how he is and if he ended up with a forever family.
Right now I would lean on your husband and gain some strength and hopefully the answers you need will be in front of you. I would also recommend checking out the other bb that offer assistance on the process to make sure that all is in order if you decided to adopt again so that you take out those obsticales...??
Lean here as we are here for you. Just be gentle to yourself..

[Family2be]

We had a reclaim of our daughter at the beginning of March 06. We talk with the mother of our daughter for 6 months. She hated being pregnant, she hated the baby because of who father her. When she called to say it's the day we drove the 1000 miles. So happy to meet our baby girl. We get there and we got to see our baby come into the world!!! That was amazing. We had planned on a fully open adoption. The mother said after we live the hospital she would prefer to call us when she was ready!! We respected that. She said her good byes and did not even cry. She actually called the baby a name. We took our baby girl to the hotel for the 2 week wait for ICPC to be approved. Day 5 I get a call for the lawyer who say she wants the baby back. I don't think my heart will ever recover from this. We really just want to be a parents, I did not expect it to be this hard. How do you trust after something like this happens. We are thinking about going international after this. I just don't know. All who have lost will be in our prayers.

[ANP]

Family2be,
I wrote that exact same story almost 7 years ago. Our ICPC was 5 days and our bm went to the courthouse the last hour of the 5th day. We decided to not go with open after our situation and lots of grief counseling for me. We did protect ourselves more the next time around by not being there for the birth and keeping it very closed. We also did our next adoption only in Florida to do away with the long wait. It was only 24 hours after birth in Fl years ago and realize that it is a little longer now. We waited to see the baby( our dd now) after our new bm signed papers. Your heart will always have a whole missing for your dd...I would be of help if you want to talk privately. Be gentle to yourself during this time and grieve your loss. There are people who believe that our loss is not real but it is a loss...They DHAC(don't have a clue).... Glad that you found this site and hope you lean on us during htis difficult time.

[Shelle339]

Hello, my husband and I are in the process of adopting a baby boy. He has been placed with us, and we've waited out the ICPC and have been approved by both states. We're doing our first post placement homestudy next week... it was a completely open adoption, and up until this point everything had gone very smoothly. All parties have been supportive of the adoption. The problem is that the BF and BM were always under the impression that the baby was a girl. The BM is still on board, but now that the BF is aware that it was a baby boy (he wasn't there for the birth, but we were) he wants to fight the adoption and claim parental rights to him. He supposedly filed papers day before yesterday. I am devastated and scared! I don't know what to do with myself and I cry all the time. My loving husband has been very supportive and comforting and we are both praying for the best...but I somehow feel the need to prepare for the worst... but can that actually be done? I'm completely lost...... the BF has until 4/5/10 to file his paperwork, and I'm sick to my stomach about the whole thing already.... thanks for listening....

[ANP]

Shelle339,
I will be praying for your family...You asked a hard question? Can you prepare for the worst. Not really....You have bonded with not only the baby but also with the parties all involved. It will be 11 yrs this June since our failed adoption. I do think time helps but our son is always a part of my heart. I owuld be seeking legal counsel to see what your rights are. You cleared ICPC and that is huge part but him now wanting based on gender?? I would check and see what your rights are based on this situation. Good luck and keep us posted. Praying for you and your family....I also got grief counseling after our loss and it was beneficial.
Hang in there.
Amy P