People can be so cruel

[Caspence]

I am done playing the victim role in this situation I have moved on to the anger and the fact that if I see a few certain people who actually happen to be family members I may actually hurt them!

DH and I are childless and really want to change that.. Minding my own business not even considering adoption.. My Aunt calls my grandmother and tells her that my cousin has a girl friend who is pregant and does not want to keep the baby.. she then says it would be so nice if DH and I could adopt.

So we dicuss and get all involved.. Baby was due in 2 weeks we had not done anything with the adoption process. So 90miles and hour we go to get things done, homestudy, attorneys, interstate compact, baby is born in another state.

So when baby was born, we were there... Since we were not residents of the state the baby was born in we could not take her until the adoption was final.. So my aunt and her BIG heart decided to take guardianship...

What could be wrong with that my aunt who I had loved and adored my entire life helping me.. Little did I know her ententions were not good.. I would stay with the baby as much as I could and would have to leave to meet with our social worker in our home state.. Well while I was gone which was maybe 3-4 days at a time (It was a 10 hour drive between the two states) My aunt decided she wanted the baby.. She made up so many lies about me and made me look like such a monster to birth mom...

She totally brainwashed birthmom.. Birthmom hates me now said she was never going to let us adopt the baby that I was just to stupid to figure it out.

So birthmom gave up her parental rights to this Aunt of mine and her husband and they now have perm guardianship..So instead of a daughter I have a cousin.. And they have told me to GET OVER IT???!!!???

Im so glad I could buy my aunt a baby.. wasn't that nice of me?? Birthmom has one child now that she adores...I am just praying that she will decide she wants this little girl back too.. and I will be the first one there to help her get her back too!! I just think on her behalf the adoption is forever was too strong for her. Plus my aunt can be quite the story teller and who knows how many diffrent men I sleep with and all the drugs I do..not to mention I am psycho and see a therapist who has me doped up on prozac.. (you learn new things about yourself everyday..)

This just hurts so bad..I do not think I will ever trust anyone again..I think they need to improve the adoption system it is just too instable... I dont care if the successful precentage rates are higher than the failure rates.. It hurts for a lifetime there a permantly a hole in my heart where this baby belongs. I held her I soothed her I loved her and I called her mine I made plans for her and us and would have given her the world..She would have probably have been our only our little princess..God love you birth moms you just cant hurt people like this..

[bebe]

I am so sorry.

What was the relinquishment time frame? I thought 3 weeks was the longest any state had? Why did you have to meet with your social worker? Was your homestudy not complete?

bebe

[Caspence]

No, nothing was complete.. We knew so little about adoption and we let your hearts not our heads lead this one. With 2weeks before the birth of the baby there was not enough time to get the homestudy complete, so yes we were still meeting with our social worker to complete the homestudy. I don't know anything about relinquishment time frames.

[bebe]

Have you tried to have a one on one meeting with the BM to explain what your Aunt did and how much you love "your" baby girl (or written her a note)? Or is it just to late for all of those kind of pleas?

Again I am sooo sorry for your loss.

We had a failed adoption in 2004 and to this day I feel like I have a Son out there that I am just not parenting here on earth but will be with again someday in heaven and he will know that I am his Mommy.

bebe

[Elann]

I am so sorry.

I have a word for your Aunt - I just can't say it on this board!

[pepper]

I am so sorry for your loss. Our adoption almost failed and I was so angry - at everyone involved.

[BlueDaisy]

I am so sorry for you, who would ever expect their Aunt/FAMILY to do this to them? NOONE. A betrayal by a family member...god I just cannot imagine and on top of it you've gotta feel like she stole the baby u know, to me she did.
It's sickening and she's a horrid women.
I've had a terrible incident myself and its been such an ordeal that some nights i just dont know how im gonna make it...we are vulnerable women being in our positions of infertility and of all the times you want your procedures or adomption processes to go smooth and easy it's hard to take when it's not, but this, this is huge, this is not a simple glitch or bump in the road and just know that all of us in here are on your side and outraged, sickened with you, you are not alone.
I hope you find a way to deal with the anger your going to feel, that is the hardest part. Dont listen to what this so called aunt says...of course she's going to say get over it because she has no soul and she cant care otherwise she wouldnt be able to live with herself...you would be best to not speak to her and stay away from any contact because she will re infuriate you each time Im sure.

[ANP]

I so feel your pain and hear your heart breaking as I read your post. It is devastating to loose a child and my heart stopped as yours has almost 7 years ago. She will always be your child in your heart ..My son was taken back by his birthmom after I took care of him for 5 days and it is unspeakable ...We were told that he would end up back in the system. We will never know. I can say that grief counseling helped me through the difficult first few months and no you'll never get over it. What makes your situation more hard is that you will see this child grow up or at least hear through the family. We are here to listen and cry with you. Be gentle to yourself.

[Pebbles]