Kindergarten-send or hold???

[momto3angels]

Thanks everyone for your responses. This is such a "hot topic" these days. I think that in my heart, I believe my son will benefit "now" if I hold him. It's the "later" that concerns me-he will get his driver's lisence at the end of his soph year in HS and graduate at 19. However, I have no way of knowing how he will react to this-it may bother him tremendously or he may not ever notice/question it.

Many kids in my area are held for a variety of reasons, so for now, I don't worry about him noticing. 2 of his 3 "best friends" at school are being held so I can't imagine he would question why he's in transitional kindergarten. But I do worry about the "later"

I guess the best thing we can do is make the decision we think is right and then hope for the best, right?

As for college, I SO wish that delaying it one year was a financial benefit-it's actually going to hit us hard because my 2 1/2 year old dd will then be ONE year behind, meaning we will have 3 years of both of them in college. YIKES. However, we'll figure it out.

Many thanks again!

[SgtMom]

AR - sounds like you are making the decison based on his best interest and, as his mom, you know the most about the circumstances. Most dont regret holding their kids back. I can actually see some bonus to having the drivers licence later and graduating later, since the impulse part of the brain takes until the early twenties to mature. Good for you for putting so much thought into this decision and good luck to you!

[BC-lisa in venice]

You seem to have made your decision but wanted to pipe in with the increasingly minority view. What I have heard and read, holding them back a year seems to make the earlier years better but the later years more difficult (as in 15 year olds in middle school and 18/19 year olds in high school).

There is a vast difference in the maturity of 5 and 6 year olds and a good school/teacher will deal with that. Kindergarten is for five year olds not six and seven year olds. I honestly think we as a society have forgotten what kindergarteners look and act like, when kids are just being five we think that they are immature. I have had kids who were on the younger side (summer birthdays) and I only considered holding one back. We are in CA with a December cut off and my dd had a mid November bday. While she was the youngest, she was still socially and academically ahead and holding her back I worried would have been a problem as well.

What will he gain in another year of preschool that he couldn't get in school (for free)? Social skills are gained by being with kids, that can be accomplished in either setting and an older kinder may be bored as he might be well beyond the curriculum as a six year old.

Because of the late cutoff many parents initially enroll their young kinders in our school thinking that they will get a year of free preschool before enrolling them in a private school to repeat the year. We enrolled our dd thinking that she might have to repeat kindergarten but in all of the years we have been there I have not seen any kids that needed to repeat kindergarten and we have one of the much academically challenging schools in the area. Yes some younger kids struggle but by second grade nearly all of the neuro-typical kids are all performing at about the same level.

[Lori]

I have never met a mom who held their child back and said after the fact "I wish I had not held him back!" But, I have spoken to parents who wished they had held their child back for additional social maturity.

I say, Hold Him, but, as Pepper says you could just try it out and see how it goes....

[katrack]

I've never been one to recommene holding a child back, even if they are only a few days ahead of the deadline.

However . . . .

I just finished reading a fascinating book called Outliers that discusses the advantages people have who are the oldest in their group. I was impressed enough that I'm rethinking my stance, even though my children are all in school and past the age to worry about starting or holding back. I highly recommend the book.

[lrmc]

Here in Oh, the cut off is the end of Sept. DS missed it by 18 days, however, we could have requested a screening and had him put in last year, but I'm so glad that we didn't do that. This year has been awesome for him. He has a small class of 15 students. A great teacher and staff.

When I worked childcare years ago, we often told parents who had children born in June, July and Aug that they might want to hold the child back an extra year. We had a little boy who, turned 5 in June and was not ready in the least for school. It was so bad that the school was having to pull his older sister out of her classroom to go down and calm him down. It was disturbing not only his room but her room too.

[SgtMom]

I've never been one to recommene holding a child back, even if they are only a few days ahead of the deadline.

However . . . .

I just finished reading a fascinating book called Outliers that discusses the advantages people have who are the oldest in their group. I was impressed enough that I'm rethinking my stance, even though my children are all in school and past the age to worry about starting or holding back. I highly recommend the book.

Fascinating! I have this book in my pile of books to read but now will give it to a friend who is considering holding back her Aug bday child. Thanks!

[BC-lisa in venice]

At point do you say enough is enough. If everyone who thinks that their kid is going to be the youngest in their grade group we will end up with 10 year olds in kindergarten. I am not just taking this to the most ridiculous point. I know of several families who didn't enroll perfectly average, normal, emotionally healthy kids in kindergarten until the year that they turned SEVEN! They wanted to give their kids an academic, social and athletic advantage. Of course there are kids who could benefit from another year but what I am seeing is going way beyond the best interest of the child in into the realm of competitive parenting. For those of us who put their kids in school in the calendar year of their fifth birthday it kinda sucks to have them being compared academically to kids two years older.

[SgtMom]

I know that parents can be competitive but all the parents I know who have considered holding their kids back have good reason. The girl who turns 5 in Aug was actually dx with autism at 2 but is doing so well with all her therapies that she is now PDD. Unfortunately if her mom does hold her back she will lose all the services from the school district for a year. Still the mom feels that she is not ready for K (at this point so she has her enrolled in both preK and K just in case) and I must concur since she is about on par with my dd who does not go to K until the following year. She also feels that she is setting her up for failure if she has to repeat K (her opinion). Now with a summer bday, I dont think its so bad, since they will not turn 7 until after the K year. My dds bday is in the spring, and even tho' she has some delays, I am hoping that she will be ready to start K in the fall of next year. I know they go thru some big developmental leaps and have confidence that she will be ready. I do think that the parents know their kids the best and should choose the best course of action accordingly.

[momto3angels]

Thank you to everyone who gave your input on kindergarten vs transitional. It's an extremely difficult decision and I appreciated reading all the different perspectives. I met with my son's teachers and have made my decision. After months of going back and forth on all the reasons to hold or send, I'm very confident that we've made the decision that is right for our son and I feel good about that decision.

Thanks again for all the well thought out opinions on this very difficult issue.