Roll Call/Introduction: Lurkers too!

[Lisa S.]

hi everyone,

I hope you don't mind, but I see we have some new names on the board and I thought it might be a good time for introductions,updates, etc., especially from those who lurk! I'll go first:

my name is Lisa, both dh and I are 41. We decided on DE after realizing that my egg quality was "less than spectacular". I got really tired of feeling very negative and getting really bad vibes from the folks at the clinic-really sweet but they felt I was wasting their time and mine (at least that's what I felt). DE means the best chance and since we don't have insurance, we're skipping the IVF w/own eggs and cutting to the best odds. Ttc #1 for over two years, absolutely nothing despite what seems like billions of iuis. Highest beta: 5:-(. Just finishing my mock cycle (ugh-still suffering from all the estrogen from those patches!). We have been waiting for about 5-6 weeks for a match with CCRM in colorado. Also taking adoption classes and will adopt as well, assuming no triplets or twins:-). We are no longer actively ttc naturally. We have sex when we want to have sex, not according to the calendar. Feel much better now!

We live in Northern California, about to move to Southern California in a few months. Dh is an engineer, I'm a college professor. We have two rabbits and two cats, all extremely spoiled and happy. They are my family. Just this week the bunnies just chewed thru my VCR cord ($40!), speaker cord and nice hand embroidered pillow from Africa that I brought back (!). I haven't killed them yet: they just look too darn cute with those goofy ears. Lucky for them I'm a vegetarian!

A few things that amaze me about the changes in my life due to ttc and IF:
-I swore I'd never take hormones (ha!)
-I swore I'd never due IVF!
-When CCRM quoted $25000 for a round of DE/IVF, I didn't flinch. Neither did dh and he's a real tightwad!
-I actually decided to start ttc on a whim(!), originally planned to just adopt. This was my thinking till three years ago. Medical issue triggered a change of thought. Now I'm stuck on this wild ride and can't get off!
-I'm now trying to convince dh that he should donate sperm. very few non-white choices for sperm, and his are spectacular (or at least that's what they said every time I went to the doc for iui-my eggs sucked by implication).

Anyway that's basically my life in a nutshell.

Looking forward to hearing from everyone!

Lisa S.

[Crissy1]

Hi everyone...Here is my story:

I am 30 & my dh is 38. After about 1yr of marriage we decided to ttc. We realized after about 6mo's of trying & no success there might be a problem. We weren't ready to get any help at that point. But, after 1yr of No success...we decided to get a SA......well it came back with ZERO sperm....We were obviously heartbroken & devastated!! I know everyone can relate to that feeling!!
We live on Long Island & after doing some research I found out we were only about 45min-1hr from one of the best places for infertility in the world; Cornell in NYC. We made an appointment & decided to go through with IVF-icsi. Our first cycle was cancelled in Dec.'01 because I didn't respond well to meds. We went through our next cycle in feb-mar'02. I responded great & they ret. 16 eggs!! BUT, unfortunately my dh's TESE came back negative for sperm. We were going to Dr. Schlegel (Cornell)...& trusted his expertise & knowledge completely. We knew if he didn't find any sperm...no one would!!
Just to throw a twist to this story, my dh's brother also has azoospermia. We all got married around the same time. They ttc right away...so they knew about 2yrs before we did. They aren't sure of the cause. But, Dr. Schlegel said it looked like Sertoli cell only syndrome.
Which brings me to this BB. I/we want to experience being pregnant...giving birth, nursing...& having a child genetically linked to me. Chris (my dh) is totally ok with this & is extremely supportive. He's actually the one who brought up the subject of DI. I am trying to get used to the idea that I may never have a genetic child with my dh & its taking its toll emotionally on me. I think this is the hardest thing I will ever have to deal with, in my life!!
I find it difficult to see pregnant women & be around babies...which I'm sure everyone can to relate to that also!!
I feel as though I was put here to be a mother....its something so deep in my soul.....I know my life would be "incomplete" without a child!

So, at this point we are just taking time to deal with everything. We are deciding between donor & adoption. Our Dr. said we may have some hope with "stem cell research" in the future. This BB has given so much good advice & sometimes its a real life-saver!

Crissy

[maria2]

Hi all-
We have a beautiful ds via diui last year - he is 10 mo. old. We spent 6 years ttc, and tried surgery for dh (w/ sperm maturation arrest syndrome), icsi for dh/me (miscarriage and eptopic resulted from two implanted blasts), then many months that grew into years of agonizing over what to do, what to do, then five diuis incl. one chemical pregnancy and finally a pregnancy. Now we think of ds as having been destined to be part of our family for a long time, and picture him up there in heaven or the universe or whereever he was, saying, "Figure it OUT, Mom and Dad, HERE'S the way!!!" We hope to ttc #2 in the same way after December, his birth month.

I pray for success for every one of you dreaming of becoming a parent. My other emerging belief, after severe crisis of faith through the years of IF, is that some of us get randomly "chosen" to have a really, really hard path to parenthood because all children so desparately need to be cherished, and all of us, and all people dear to us who have known our struggles, are, or become, very, very clear about that.

-maria2

[BC-MAV]

Just found this BB, even though I frequent other FT BB.

Me:38, DH: 40, ttc 9 years now, unexplained infertilty, some "blips" from immunolgical testing, several failed IUI's and IVF's despite good response from meds and great quality embryos, but no positive tests EVER! After 4th IVF, did 5th IVF but this time with a SM to implant our great embryos. 1st time SM pg on 1st try with twins but m/c then it was 2 years before DS was born, with same SM. Our history and odds aren't so great, with me or even with SM (2 years is longer than average) so we are pursuing DE and another SM.

Lisa-Never give up on ttc naturally but I agree, it's nice not to live by the calender when the chances are so small of conceiving after so many years. I understand.

Scwamo-Been there done that-OUCH! IVF out of pocket. Had insurance too at one point.

Karen-DH not wild about DE but he came around. We had perfect embies too, m/c with SM, so I know how you feel.

Hana-E2, it's been a while since I lookd at that but I think many Drs use E2 of 1500 as a cut off for stopping the meds before they decide to do HCG and retrieval. My E2's climbed as high as 3,000 (great responder) but it's all relative to amount of mature follicles. I think it is 100-200 per follicle. So at 3,000 I had 15 or so mature follicles if I'm figuring and remembering right.

J-9 years ttc TOO! Our last attempt with SM was at CCRM. 3-8 cell embryos of ours and 1 little DS was born via surrogate, 4 IVF's also before we decided to do another IVF but with a SM, honeymoon in Bermuda (hope you get to go another time), and we had immmunological "blips" also but did heparin, prednisone, and minor tx for that.

MiMI-many medicated cyles here too. Hang in there!

Know I missed some others. Great to see so many pursing donor.

Edited to add that we were successful with ED and have another DS!

MAV & DH
9 yrs ttc
Mom to 1 DS, via angel SM/gs
2nd DS via angel SM/ed

Wow, all the stories are so heartbreaking...doesn't IF suck? Anyway, my signature has lots of the details, but here goes:

We decided after m/c with my eggs that, at 40 our odds would be much better with DE so we set about finding a donor. My first clinic required that we post ads to find our own donor, so I set about finding one through the internet. After I found a wonderful lady who lives in Los Angeles, my clinic informed me they would only work with a local donor. Well, I'm pretty pigheaded and had no patience to wait for months while a local donor showed up so we switched clinics and started our journey. 18 eggs were retrieved, 3 were put back in the fresh cycle (negative), 7 were left to go to blast (didn't happen) and 8 were frozen. For my first FET, I fought doctor and so he only thawed 4 (He wanted to thaw all 8 and only use the best 3...not the best way to get a full family from one retrieval in my opinion). Lauren was born 9 months later. I am currently in a cycle to use the rest of the frozen embies. My beta is November 4th and I am hoping it is positive.

The nicest thing is, if it doesn't work, our donor has offered to donate again for us. She won't be able to until at least April since she is due with her first surro-baby in January! What a blessed angel!

Anyway, that's my story. DH and I are so fortunate to have our little girl and I appreciate all the support I've received from my sisters here at FT. What an incredibly strong bunch of women!

Diana

[NJHeidi.]

Wow! Look at all these posts - I'm so happy to see that I really am not alone in this!! I'm 36, dh is 34. We've been ttc 3.5 years. We've done 4 ivf (2 neg, 1 chem, 1 mc) and have decided to move on to de b/c although we have a great response to stims and great fertilization, our embies fragment like crazy and barely survive to transfer. We're on the waiting list at RMA and hopefully will have a match by Christmas!! GOOD LUCK TO ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MamaMaggie]

Hello!

My name is Maggie(24) and I'm married to Frank(33. We live in Belgium. My husband works in computer business and I'm a SAHM(stay at home mom). We have been married for 4.5 years. We have two daughters. Annabelle was born 11/10/98 but died one week later on 11/17/98 due to genetic problems. We had no idea about these problems before her birth. In fact I got pregnant easily, had a normal pregnancy until I went into preterm labor at 32 weeks(she was born at 34 weeks by emergency c-section btw). Weeks after she was born and died we found out what she died from. A rare syndrome called Marden Walker that had a 1/4 chance of happening again unless we used either donor sperm, donor eggs or donor embryos. They can not do pre-implantation testing, amnio doesn't pick this up and we MIGHT find out about the syndrome at 7 months pregnant. Mostly it is fatal but sometimes not. We couldn't go t hrough this again so decided on donor sperm as not so difficult, less money and less waiting. On my fourth DI cycle we conceived but had a m/c. The very next cycle we conceived and now have a beautiful 2.5 year old daughter named Francesca. She is just great! We have already started to tell her how she was conceived. Even though she does not have her papas genes she takes after him in so many ways(some annoying, lol). When Francesca was 18 months we went to dr to ttc another baby. After five cycles we needed a break! In the meantime we had been doing natural family planning and following the rules perfectly. I ended up getting pregnant and had a miscarriage. As soon as my next period comes we will be starting our next month of clomid/hcg/IUI/progesterone. This better work! lol

Oh I should mention that my entire side knows and dhs mother knows(dh is only child and his father is dead), also some friends know and no one thinks anything of it.

Sorry that I wrote a novel.

[Didi1]

Hi,
I've been lurking for a long long time. I'm 44 and my dp is 46. I've been TTC for almost 5 years using DS. I've been through dozens of unmedicated IUIs, dozens of medicated IUIs and three IVFs. Had great response to stim meds...beautiful embryos, but no pregnancy (well I did have one miscarriage). I am now going to attempt a donor embryo cycle, hopefully the end of November.
I have had further complications due to a recent diagnosis of Type 2 Diabetes. I am being monitored and trying to tighten up my BG control. I've been doing insulin at night, but may switch over to metformin for better fasting numbers. They still gave me the O.K. to proceed.
I'm really excited and scared, but it is all falling into place beautifully. The insurance even agreed to cover the transfer!
I finally decided to stop lurking and officially join the board!
Didi

I decided to update this....First donor embryo cycle was a success. Gave birth to a little boy 8/4/03. He is my precious little prince! I have three more embies. Not sure what I'll do with them...

[NJHeidi.]

I thought I already answered this post, but I guess not, so here we go: me 36, dh 35. We thought we had only tubal factor (bilateral hydros diagnosed in 1999) so my tubes were ligated (to avoid the fluid entering the uterus) and we were on to IVF. We were told we were "perfect candidates" and should have no trouble conceiving through IVF. We've done 4 cycle, with 2 of them resulting in pregnancies (1 chemical and 1 mc @ 7 wks). We've also been through 3 different REs. After the last cycle (the one that ended in mc) we were told it was an egg quality issue (despite low FSH and good response to stims). So now we're moving on to donor eggs. We're on the waiting list for a donor at RMA in NJ, and hope to start a cycle in January.

Good Luck to all!!!!!

[KatIND]

Hi,

I've been a member of FT for some time and lurk every once in a while. My travels have taken me through the IVF forums, the over 40 forums, the tubal dx forums, multiple attempts forum, the adoption forums and now the DE forums. Amazing! Anyway, DH is 40 and I'm 41. My DX is tube factor and I had tubes removed in 2/00. Good responder, perfect sperm, "beautiful" eggs and embies. We've switched clinics three times, and have had 5 fresh IVF's and 1 FET with only 1 chemical. Had insurance for all but the last attempt which was at St. B. Tx one "perfect" morula and got a negative - devastated to say the least. PGD indicated poor egg quality.

That was back in August. Immediately met with the director of SIRM in Chicago. Very impressed and would go with them if we decided to do DE. We're trying to regroup financially and the longer I wait, the easier it is to live child-free. I'm at peace at the moment, which tells me that I'm exactly where I'm meant to be. Every once in a while someone will send us an article on adopting or someone will announce that they are pregnant, which always feels like I've hit a bump in the road. I'm finishing a BA and moving on to graduate school. I volunteer and began taking painting classes. I enjoy life just the way it is.

I feel as though I should be more traumatized by the fact that I'll never have my own biological child, but I'm not. There was a time that I thought I wanted to experience pregnancy, but as I get older, it becomes less of a priority. DH just recently stated that he'd like to start the adoption process in December and still attempt DE. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Coming to this board scares me because it stirs up so many emotions and I just don't want to go back there. I wonder if anyone else feels the same way?

That's it in a nutshell. I wish you all the very best.

Kathy