Roll Call/Introduction: Lurkers too!

[robinjeter]

My name is Robin, I'm now 39. I'm a single mom to a beautiful little boy I conceived with donor sperm. It only took about 10 years but it was so worth it.
My complete story is is described through a book I wrote that you might see advertised in a flashing banner called Some dreams come true.



11 IUI's
5 HSG's
1 Lap
3 IVF's
Finally 1 beautiful little boy.

[beargal92]

I am new to this whole thing. DH and I are 31 years old, have been married about a year and a half, and TTC for just over a year. After a visit to the RE, we found out that DH has a very low sperm count, so low that IUI with his sperm wasn't going to work for us. We can't afford IVF/ICSI so here we are.

We are in the process of selecting a donor, and so far it's a bit overwhelming. It's hard to narrow down.

Anyway, there are some things I'm still scared of. What if I still don't get pregnant? How and when do you tell your child? And we have some relatives who may have religious issues with this thing- we have a SIL who's a Jehovah's Witness and they don't even accept blood transfusions.

Anyway I'm glad this board is here, as it really helps to know that there are others out there.

Beargal92

Hi Beargal92,

Sounds like some of the issues I struggled with. We are in the process of using donor, but no luck so far. The what if we still don't get pregnant is tough. I struggled a lot with using a donor. My DH was the one who pushed it (only if I was comfortable with it of course). I had a lot of issues to struggle with around this.

I recently went to a councellor that we saw when we were first looking at this. She was so great so I went back by myself to talk further about my feelings. What she helped me uncover was that my issues were not so much with using a donor but more accepting our realty. That is the hardest part. Also, accepting the fact that this could fail as well and being afraid to go through more loss of something not working. We tried icsi and it did not work. We then picked the "perfect donor" but there were only two samples. It did not work. We are now using another donor that is not the "perfect donor". The thing is there is no "perfect donor". The perfect person is our DH, but that is not an option.

As for the religous stuff around it. I had a lot of issues with this being acceptable and okay with God. I read something in a book about this and loved it. The minister said, "There is a little soul out there waiting to be a part of your life. Does it really matter whether the body that little soul inhabits is made up of your genes?" That made things a lot clearer for me.

As for dealing with others religous beliefs, this is your child. Others will have to accept it. The fact that your SIL is JW means that there will be more than this issue you would not see eye-to-eye on. You would respect other parts of each others beliefs and this should just be an extension of this. If you really think it will cause problems then maybe consider not telling them. It is your right to tell who you want.

As for the child. If this does work our child will know right from a young age. The councellor put it in such a good way. If it is always known then it is so much less likely to cause problems. I trully believe that not telling a child is a time bomb waiting to go off. One day it will come out and it can be totally devastating than if they have grown up with the knowledge. She recommends telling your child at a very young age. At this time she said they will barely even acknowledge it and go play instead. They will eventually have questions, but at least there will be no surprises.

My SIL is adopted and I have learned a ton from her. I asked her when she found out she was adopted. She said there was no particular moment, it was always that way. Ever since she can remember. She felt this was such a great way to live life. It wasn't a bomb dropped on her when she was a teenager, going through identity issues (worst time to tell a child apparently). She just always knew and it was never a big deal. Her mom and dad were here parents. Someone else gave birth to her and that is it.

I hope this helps you in some way. I certainly know I still have my scarey days in dealing with all this, but it is one day at a time. I do still trully believe that if this does work, it will be somewhat irrelevant when we hold that baby in our arms knowing that we together created this being. Maybe not the conventional way, but the baby would be something we created together.

TiG

[Marci]

Been on FT for over 5 yrs - mostly on the adoption board, came oh soooo close 4 times - absolutely cannot go thru changing of the minds at the last minute. We have severe make factor, we've done 3 rounds of IUI last yr, but after a bout with my BP going thru the roof and my newly diagnosed hypothryroidism, we had to take about 6 mths off to get my BP down and meds calculated for thryoid. We are planning on starting June/July - and I'm getting so excited.

Dh is so excited. He talks to my eggs when I ovulate (on 100 of Clomid), talks about the baby as if 1 was already on the way (we've got to train that dog not to steal toys before the baby gets here!) LOL

We have been thru everything, including IVF/ICSI. We've gotten past that point and my dh is more than happy to use DS.

We are looking into using a known donor. We've used the banks before - i know 20 mill sounds like a lot, but if I can getr 100 mill out of 1 shot - and then a 2nd shot the next day - which is better 20 mill or 200 mill? We're taking care of the risks, know the medical forms we need, the legal forms, etc.

Anyone else doing this?? I'm 38 and I can't waste too much longer. Those darned movie starts getting pg at 50 - no one knows they went thru DE, 8 IVF's and spent over $100,000! Not so in the real world. I'm very hopefull that this wil happen, I'm putting all of my trust in God, I've had this in my heart since a child and have been ttc for almost our whole marriage (17 yrs). If I could get twins (b/g) - I would be thru the roof.

We'l just re-introducing myself since it;'s been numerous months since I've been here. Too depressing. I'm trying to get my wt down as much as possible before too - and the 12 lbs I lost over the past 5 months - amost all back! So I figure I will walk my butt off (treadmill in front of GH or Baby Story!) and try to do 15-20 in 2 months. I will keep ya'll posted!!

Blessings on everyone!!

Marci

[mom23Cs]

Hi, I am new to this board and new to ttc. We have known about DH IF problems for about 9 years, but just recently decided to try donor and found out about PCOS. Our attempts have gone as follows: First cycle large cyst-took bc. Second cycle looked normal had DIUI and then told I had LUFS. Third cycle large cyst-took bc again. Fourth cycle normal now in 2ww. Hope I did all those abrev. right. I printed a list but have not learned them yet.
Sherry

[mcfallm]

I guess our situation is different from everyone so here goes:
Me 43 DH 42: I have three children 16,18, 23 two natural and one clomid pregnancy. We have been TTC for 1 year. I have had one BFN IUI with meds, I IVF BFN 1-8C. So we were offered a program that is currently in the experimental stages. Dr Steinberg you may have seen him on 60 minutes. He has invented the frozen embryo option. Will now he has figured out how to freeze eggs. So we are using FDE that is partialy funded by the goverment. Although still in the testing stages he has had amazing results. Best of all no waiting and you know right off how many eggs you will get. I will keep you posted as we progress.

[kara6820]

Hi there. I hope you all are having some progress and success in this journey.

I am 30 and DH is 34. I have been ttc for over 7 years, most of that was with DH #1. DH #1 now has twins with his new wife. IF was partially the reason we did not work out. Been married to current DH for almost 3 years and ttc all of that time as well. Did clomid years ago which resulted in one early m/c. In the past 2 years did 2 IUIs - both negative. Did IVF #1 which was positive but m/c at 11w6days. That was just aweful and I was in a bad place for many months. Just finished IVF #2 which ended up in early m/c. So now we are moving on to DE for the next cycle. We just started talking about this and looking into it so it is all really quite new to us. We are more excited than anything. DH sperm checks out great. Me on the other hand - obviously have egg quality issues, do not normally ovulate or have regular cycle, endometriosis, one blocked tube and now from the D&C I had with IVF #1, my cervix keeps scarring closed. This causes much pain every month and alot of internal blood clotting as well. Not fun. Still getting this checked out and hopefully resolved soon.

So that's us.

[Stefani]

Hi all -

I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone (or most anyone), but it is comforting not to feel so alone. I am 36 and my husband is 35, and we have been TTC #1 for about 15 years. We have taken a number of breaks during that time period, and I always hoped that we would be one of the lucky ones and eventually have a surprise pregnancy - that was not to be.

I am one of 11 children and the only one who doesn't have kids. Even my nieces and nephews are beginning to have children. My family has been incredibly unsupportive and hurtful at times. Several of the women are prone to boast of their fertility and make unkind remarks and jokes about my inability to conceive. Though I love her, my Mom is constantly reminding me of every family pregnancy, baby shower, birth etc... For these reasons and more, I no longer discuss this issue with anyone other than my husband. I don’t want to seem pathetic, but it’s been difficult having no one else to talk to for the last eight years or so.

Our dx is unexplained, although my response to stimulation has been abysmal. We recently completed our last IVF with my eggs with disappointing results. We have selected a donor and she is just lovely; I couldn’t be more thrilled. She is absolutely perfect for us. We expect to cycle in late fall and I'm so excited. Our RE has given us a 75% percent chance of success, but I’m almost afraid to get my hopes up after 15 years of negative results.

Best to all,
Stefani

[Marci]

Hi!

I'm Marci (38) ttc with dh Kevin (44) for 15 yrs now. On and off - we've been through everything! We added it up a few months ago and the numbers (give or take a few thousand), we could have put down about $60,000 on a new house. But who cares if there's not little feet running on it, or Christmas dinners in the beautiful dining room.....

We're even had numerous failed adoptions, some changed their minds (they have the right to do so) fate rmonths of buying maternity clothes, renting small room, giving rides everywhere - then in the 9th month, she took off, no one heard from her again. Had 1 that went thru with placement (all private) for 10 days. She changed her mind 1 dayd after our beautiful baby shower. It was sooo hard, all I did was sit by his cradle and smell his clothing - they had to drug me during that time. Have much experience with doing foster care with babies whoe moms were in prisons. Been thru surgeries, tests,, drugs, IVF/ICSI, I even donated my own eggs, knowing that someday God would bring it back around. Decided to do agency agency adoption 3 yrs ago - after the 2 yrs of paying (even thoough you pay for everything, you repay after 1 yr - homestudy, etc.. After the were told that I was adoptive breasfeeding (I never felt tha need to tell them, they never asked if I was using Playtex, Gerber, etc bottles!). They kinda freaked. Made us take a psych test. Told us we couldn't seperate not being able to get pregnant. Hmmm. I just wanted to do what I felt was the right thing. I even happen to be a registered dietitian - they don't care that I know nutritionally the baby needed.

We're FINSIHED with adoption. Can't take the back-uots (yes, they happened in agency also - 5 times in 2 yrs we we're chosen then minds changed). We decided to do DI. Nothin to be found wrong my eggs. They fertilized with our IVF and fertilized 18/20 with the ones I donated. We started ordering from a bank and did it 2 months - nuthing. We were planning on holding out 12 months before freaking out. A close friend volunteered to donate for us. After some long and much prayerful talk and praying, we decided we would do this. Everything about it has fallen into place. We are starting this month - should started day 1 in about a week or so.

If anyone has any experience with using a friend for a donor and that worked, I'd love to know. We are talking with a therapist 1 day next week.

Well, that's us! Been with FT over 5 yrs (various boards, obviously!!)

Blessings!

Marci

TTC #1 for 15 yr!!!!!! God will have us laughing when it works on the 1st try!!! Wouldn't that be great!!

It really would be great, Marci! You sure deserve it, after all you've been through. FYI, I b/f my best friend's baby when he was like 5 mos. old. It kept him from crying when she was away. She gave me permission in advance; I'd had AIDS testing and all, so I knew it was safe.

Best of luck, sweety!!!