Roll Call/Introduction: Lurkers too!

I'm Jennifer. I have a 12-year-old son, Nate, through DI. I am very pro-disclosure (telling the child the truth of biological origins). I have a Masters degree in Transpersonal Psychology, and my thesis topic had to do with disclosure when an anonymous sperm donor was used.

I have talked online to adults born through DI, and they were angry when they found out later in life about the DI, whereas those who knew as kids weren't one bit upset. It's like being adopted...people aren't upset, they don't love their parents any less, unless they were lied to. Sorry if my strong position offends others. That's why I don't post here much!

My son has his own web site for kids born through DI to talk and know each other, although they just talk about school and vacations and such; to them the DI is not interesting! He's doing fine with the whole thing, no problems whatsoever.

I also have another child, age 2, conceived naturally. I never thought I'd get a "free" baby, after all the years of heart ache and dr's bills!

I am mostly a lurker here. I haven't posted in about a year.

Jen L.

[Sarahstarfish]

Hello

I am an Australian donor and recently donated for the first time. There are so few places to talk with donors and recipients so am glad to have found this forum.

I look forward to getting to know you better.

Cheers

Cindy

[momto2boyz]

Hi my name is Alicia. I am 25 years old and a Mom of two little boys ages 4 1/2 and 2 months.

I am here because I am looking to be an egg donor I was a gestational surrogate mother via ED/IVF and the outcome was two of the most loved wonderful babies in the whole world.

The twins Mom is not only not biologically related to those babies she didn't carry them either yet she is the best Mother I know. The twins love her endlessly. That is enough for me to want to give the same love to another family.

I am currently going through screening at my local clinic however I am still looking Indy for IP's since the clinic is completely anonymous and I would prefer a semi-known donation.

[grainne]

Even though I have been posting here for months I have never introduced myself.

I am an Irish woman living in Vancouver, Canada. My DH is Canadian. I have been ttc #1 for 7 years and have unexplained IF. I am now in the final run up to our first DE IVF due for transfer Oct 2 or 4. My journey to get here has been long and painful but it is my life's path and the growth this has brought into my life is phenomenal. If the day comes when I am to accept that I am not to be a mother I will rest easy knowing that I have tried everything. These are exciting days and I am feeling really good.

I had been anticipating all sorts of side effects from the meds amd complications but so far everything has gone smoothly. Fingeres crossed. Its still early days.
For those of you faced with the decision of using DE or any other decision, I want to make the point that its the having to make these decisions in the first palce that makes us angry and fretful (we feel we shouldnt have to be making them, its just too hard) but there is always relief after the decision is made. All of the stages are difficult but for me the worst part is the waiting. Its all a waiting game and during this your life is dictated by the clinic.

I want to wish you all success in your endeavours to make this dream come true.

Love to all, (my fellow adventurers)

Grainne

[Siberian]

Hello All,

It's good to know that I'm not the only woman going thru this kind of experience. My experinece is somewhat similar to some of yours. I'm currently 41, my husband is older than me with grown up children. When I started toying with the idea of getting pregnant, I was already 37 (other things were on my to do list...remodeling the house, getting my bachelor's degree). Since he had had a vasectomy, we decided to try DS, and I was perfectly fine with that. My regular GYN/OB referred me to a reputable clinic and after consulting with the RE and finding out the high cost of IF, we decided to use DS. Well, the RE just told me to contact one of the nurses to pick the donor and that was it. Not knowing what we were doing (wish I knew then what I know now about all aspect of infertiliy) we chose the donor, did the first insemination WITH NO medication whatsoever. Then came insemination #2, the #3 w/o any medications. So on my regular check-up, I told my gynecologist about this and he sent me for a test to find if my fallopian tubes were bloked. They were fine, normal. The only thing I had was mild endiomitrosis in 1997 but that was cleared. So my regular GYN then gave me the name of another RE at the other big hospital in the city. He was booked for many months and I never got to see him until Aug. '02 (I was 39 by then). I explained that we were OK with just doing the donor insemination as we could not afford the more expensive treatment. Fine, he put me on Clomyd and I did three consecutive cycles between Feb. and April '03. Nothing happened. That place was great as far as doing all these blood tests and ultrasounds. I was impressed with this facility as the doctor at the other hospital never volunteered any information. So for the 4th cycle, the new RE put me on pergonal, and so I was so confident that the injectable medication would sure get me pregnant. Well, I was wrong. We decided to take a short break. Then since I was beggining to feel some pelvic pain, I decided to have them do a laparoscopy so see if endiomitrosis had come back. Had the surgery in Dec. '03, and the news were that there was no Endo, however, my right fallopian tube was blocked and the surgeon could not open it. He suggested the only alternative would be IF. Since I kind of knew that at age 40 my chances of using my own eggs were slim, I went with a DE. So after all the agony of the new sets of tests they finally retrieved 20 eggs but only 6 made it. The RE transferred 2 in June '04 which was negative. To say the least, I felt like a big, dark cloud had enveloped me. I could not get out of it as I was so positive this could fail, but in time I got better and found solace in the fact that I still had 4 frozen eggs left. We did the transfer in mid-Nov. but it also failed me. Now I'm down to zero. The RE's response was that all tests they did were normal, nothing wrong with the donors either, and I just fell in the "bad luck" category. But I refuse to accept that. So while now contemplating international adoption, I'm also considering going back to the first hospital BUT this time I will request a different RE to inquire about frozen egg donation. Altough I have been told that this is still not legal in OH but both hospitals are working on that and that I should put my name on the waiting list.

I know this is such a long story, but I just felt the need to share this with you all, with the feeling that my experience is understood as you all have had similar circumstances. Hope I didn't bore anyone!!

[50/50]

Hi All,

Both DH and I are 41. We first started out with a severe male factor. After one failed IVF at age 38, we moved to DS doing 5 IUIS, then to our 2nd and 3rd failed ivfs. The RE's that I've seen said I still had a small chance of success but I could not bare another failed cycle. Our orginal plan was to go straight to adoption if this last ivf failed and before I started this IF journey I would have never thought that I would even consider using a donor egg. However, here I am more than willing and very excited to start our first DE/DS cycle. We have already selected both donors and are proceeding with DE screens as well as starting a mock cycle as soon as AF starts.

50/50 formerly 41andhopeful

Hello everyone. I am new to this but was really feeling I needed some support. It has been 3 years that we have been ttc and I feel no closer to moving through the pain. I have a history of minor endometriosis, but minor or not, we know that the only way to find out if I can pregnant is to try. They don't know for sure.

Six months into ttc my doctor sent me to do further testing as we had not conceived. Of course the concern was my history of endometriosis. At this time we felt lucky to be moving quickly to finding out what was going on ... or so we thought. After a day in the hospital to remove some small amounts of new endo, a d&c, and a couple of other tests, we found out some devastating news. My dh had extremely low sperm count and varicocele in both left and right testis. I was shocked. I thought the issue were strictly my thing.

We of course begun the long road of dealing with this. They performed a varicocele repair on my dh. After the allotted time he was tested again and no improvement. We jumped from hoping for possible iui with his sperm to icsi as our only option. My dh wanted to do only one round of icsi and I wanted two. We decided financially to go with only one round. It did not work.

My dh was talking to me about di while we were going through everything else and I couldn't even think about it. He felt that it was going to be our only option. He finally talked me into it. We purchased 2 samples and not luck. I needed to take a break for a few month. We have finally purchased 4 samples of new ds. We know that with my history we still may not conceive but are willing to try.

I apologize for the length of this, but I am having a really tough time coping with everything right now. The majority of my friends are on their second kids in the time we have been trying for one. We just had someone else (who knows we have been trying for a long time) tell us they are expecting. My sister-in-law is pregnant with her second and other friends are pregnant. I feel so depressed and angry. I feel like I am going to scream at the next person who tells me their pregnant. I feel so horrible for being this way.

Reading all of your comments has been great. I am really struggling with using ds. One moment I think I am okay, then the next I am so mad I can't have my dh biological child. I just want this pain to stop. How I came to originally agree to ds was to look ahead and see if it was not an option. I realized that I want to have a child and that I should feel blessed to still have this as an option.

Basically I am venting and looking for any advice and how to move through this pain, anger and to accept what is happening.

Sorry again about the lenghtly note.

Thanks

[skitcher]

Tig,

Ohhhh, as I sit there reading your post, I can hear myself in your words! I was you just years ago. I know many others will find the same connection. It took us 7 years before being blessed with our first. We are no young pups. Most of our friends have teenagers now and we are still trying to have babies! This is such an unfair life we must lead. God only knows why we must go through it. It would be so much easier if we didn't want it so badly, huh?! But, I understand where you are coming from and we are all here for you, to encourage and lift you up when you are down. Just know that there IS a child(ren) out there for you. Only God knows how you will receive them, but just never give up that dream. I have felt in my own life, that we have just had to get "creative" and think outside the box to get them! I know, sounds business like or insane, whatever...it works!

After watching all my friends have babies, and feeling as though God had totally forgotten us, we turned to adoption and it seemed that those feelings you are having now, although never forgotten, just melted away. The anger of not having a biological child is gone. It is sad, nonetheless, but I just don't care any longer. I have one child from adoption, one from donor embryos, and now, we are trying with donor eggs. We will have a unique family for sure! But I will tell you that I would never have dreamed this life for us in a million years! Never did I imagine I would have to explain to my children one day, that we are not their biological parents. But, what wonderful stories we DO have to share. God knew that I had to out do everyone else...we have unique and AWESOME stories to tell about how we got our babies! They are ALL miracles, but we feel so ultimately blessed for all we went through to get ours.

And you must hold on to that truth, that hope, those miracles! This is a wonderful place to vent and let it out! It's good to know that others have been there and gotten out, huh?! You will too, my friend!!!

God bless you.

Hi Samantha,

Thank you so much for your reply. It made me cry, but in a good way. Believing that god has a plan is important to me. During the bad times I do feel like we have been forgotten by god. It is so great to hear the way you describe your family and the love you have. I have to believe that one day I will be there and that this pain will be a faded memory. I am glad I came on here to get some support. Long over due!

I also know that sometimes I need support from someone other than my dh. He hurts when I hurt and he deals with his own pain. He also feels guilty because of his role in this, even though I wish he did not. However, I know I have to respect all aspects of his feelings and how he is dealing with it. He has certainly so much respect and love from me. I asked him how he came to be okay with di, he said I am not the type of man that needs to thump my chest and spread my seed to feel like a man. To be a man is to love and care for his family no matter how they come into his life. That is is why it is so easy to love him so much!

Thank you again. I shared your story with him and he was very touched.

Teri

[HelpingHand]

Hi, I am an egg donor working on my 3rd cycle I also plan to be a ts in the near future.

I frequent FT often but rarely have a chance to post and thought an intro thread might be a good time.

Good luck to all of you cycling!!