Roll Call/Introduction: Lurkers too!

[Hopefulgal]

No story is too long...I agree, this site has been comforting to me. We support each other. For my update, my hsg results...tubes are clear, but there are two polyps in my uterus, so now I'm scheduled to have a hysteroscopy in two weeks. I hope everything turns out ok....I just want to give another DIUI a try!

[cs1984cs]

I had the same reaction about DE at first, i.e. "no way" It took me months to warm up to it and realize that parenting was really what I wanted. GL!

Originally Posted by blingbling

So a few days ago, I sprang it on him. He was shocked. He's still chewing on it - I guess he thinks I'm not sure. But I wouldn't have brought it up - and given him false hope - if I wasnt. I'd always said that DE was toooooo weird for me - that I viewed it as him having a baby with another woman - and that adoption would be probably better for me. But after I got that HB - everything changed. I know it wouldn't matter. And I need the bonding I'd get by carrying the baby - I want the newborn, the breast feeding, all that stuff.

[rjc0704]

Wanted to join the roll call. Thanks for the warm welcome and best wishes!

Rhonda - 42 (in june 08) DH - 36 Married April 2 2005
TTC #1 2.5 years
3 Chem Preg (last was Feb 08)
1 IVF Nov 2006 - converted to IUI (oversuppressed / poor responsder) BFN
1 Year of acup and herbs -FSH 7, LH 6.5 but E2 100- no natural BFP

Moving on to DE cycle. Finally, feeling hope again!! Anxious to get started.

We live in CT and are going to Shady Grove in MD becuase they offer shared risk for DE cycles. I have to go through a battery of tests again because my last round with IVF #1 was 1.5 years ago. We don't forsee any problems and hope we qualify.

I was hoping to go down Tuesday to get started, but DH can't get off work. Trying to time my cycle, his schedule, my schedule and all the appts in MD is proving to be very painful.

After all the false hope and failures, I'm afraid to even hope for hope, but I can't help it, hearing all the success stories with DE!

Best wishes for all you! Looking forward to getting to know you better and having people to share journies with!

Rhonda

[Alchemy]

Hi all. I just wanted to make this posting tonight brief and will fill in more info if anyone is interested.
I'm 44 and ready for a DE. Why am I this old and still wanting to be a mom. Sad story, short...my husband of ten years died at the time we were trying to conceive. My desire for a child was surprisingly still there two and half years later when I met a new man, who I have been engaged to. We did IVF and I got preg at 43 only to have a miscarriage at 7 mths.

I need a donor, but am having a very hard time finding her. I would like a Jewish (or half Jewish) donor who is 5'4 or over, attractive, and with proven smarts (high GPA for eg). If anyone can find her for me, I can offer you something for your time. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

[LAGirl]

Hi All,
I am hoping to do a de cycle in May. I am 42, turning 43 very soon. DH is the same age.

My history: been ttc#1 for almost 4 years now w/my own eggs. I have had 1 failed iui, 8 egg retrievals and 6 embryo transfers which resulted in bfn's except 1 m/c. RE's think it's AMA. I also have immune issues. So, now I'm finally ready for DE.

It took a while for DH and I to go the DE route (took dh much longer). I'm relieved because I feel like there is hope now. I'm scared to death because we are out of pocket for this. I am still waiting to finalize a donor. My RE is very selective and he turned down a donor I liked from an agency. Then I found another donor who was proven whom I liked. The agency said she was available and my RE approved her, but the agency was dishonest and promised her to me, only to decide to let someone else use her. Well, I just finished a mock cycle and everything looks good. I did LIT for immune issues and a battery of other tests w/the Beer Center and am now ready to go - just need a donor.

Alchemy, are you open to using agencies to find a donor? Here's a link I got from another donor board that lists agencies. It is not my website. http://worrierwarrior.wordpress.com/agency-list/. I think several of the agencies listed have Jewish donors. I'm sorry about your recent m/c.

Rhonda, sounds like we are in fairly similar situations. Maybe we will be cycling together soon!

I'm wishing everyone all the best.

Jules

[Alchemy]

Hi Jules,

Thanks so much for the web-link. I went there and contacted an agency in my area, that seemed very proactive. I'll check out some more.

Congratulations on making the not easy and very brave decision to go to an egg donor. You've been through quite a lot. It's still hard for me even though I've made that decision. I got pregnant on the first IVF I ever did at age 43 (and people say, oh you can get pregant!) but I just can't bear to put myself through another miscarriage now. I'm really feeling the pressure of turning 45 in a couple months. Am I crazy to want this still? Will i regret this? These type of thoughts in the middle of the night.

[LAGirl]

Hi Alchemy,

You are NOT crazy for wanting to have a baby at 45. You have wanted this for over 10 years now, so why not go after your dream. Especially since the chance of a live birth is so much greater with DE. I know if/when I get pregnant through DE, I will worry so much less about having a m/c. Also, I am part of a small support group of women ttc their 1st at an older age and one woman just had twins through DE. I think she turned 45 near the time she gave birth. And she is very happy.

That's great that you are being proactive. I hope you are able to find an agency and a donor you like. It takes time to find a donor you like and for her to be available to cycle, so by the time you cycle, perhaps you will be more emotionally ready and not feel the doubts. It has taken me several months now to find a donor. The time and challenge of finding a donor took my attention away from my doubts of doing DE. Now (months later) I truly feel ready and so does DH. I have found a donor (3rd try now) and just paid $10k to the agency. It is scary as it's the first time I've sunk money towards a donor. The $10k pays for 80% of the agency fee, genetic testing, and donor fee. My prospective donor passed her psych evals and is going through genetic screening now. She is a first time donor. I am really excited and anxious. BUT, also a little afraid to get my hopes up. Seems I've always been on the wrong side of the stats and feel like I will have a negative result.....yet again.

Please keep in touch. Maybe we'll be cycling together soon.

Jules

[Blakey]

lurking...pondering thoughts

Hi everyone-
I just had my 3rd IVF/ICSI cycle last month, and it wasn't successful. DH and were heartbroken. I did get pregnant on cycle #2, but sadly miscarried at 12 weeks. I am worried, uncertain, and sacred. We are paying out of pocket for all or ART treatments. I found this last cycle, especially difficult to except. I guess, where i did get pregnant last yr. I just assumed it would happen again...I guess I was being too presumptuous, as well as naive.

I am meeting with my RE next week, April 22nd. I am very nervous. I guess because I am just so unsure what to do next. DH and I have been thinking about DE. I am fearful we aren't going to be able to afford a DE cycle, after being told it's quite exspensive. I need to investigate a little bit more from my RE, and get some answers, efore deciding what route we shall persue.

It all seems very overwhelming to me right now, but maybe because it's all so new, and unknown. Like LA Girl said...as you start the process, you start to feel more comfortable with the whole process. Again, I am just not sure we would even be able to afford this...

We are going to cycle one more time, and I guess DH and I are just trying to think very about all the possibilities, and what may work for us. I guess we will take things one day at a time..and hopefully, will find more clarity, as we get some answers.

All the best to you all!

LA GIRL- Hi!!!! Remember me, from the 40+ ttc first baby? ...Soooo great to see your post! I've thought about you often, wondering how you were. I am so excited for you that you will be starting a DE cycle...that is just awesome! I am wishing you all the best, and lots of happy days ahead!!!! Hugs!

kim

[LAGirl]

Hi Kim,

It is great to hear from you, but I am sorry that your last cycle was a bfn. You were always soooo supportive on the other thread and I'm sure you still are. It has taken me a long time to decide on the de route. Give yourself time. Maybe it could be your backup plan if your next ivf cycle doesn't work. I really hope it does work, but I always feel better knowing I have a backup plan. As for costs, you could check out different clinics. If you go with a proven donor and she makes lots of eggs, you could end up having 2 babies with this donor which would really make it worthwhile. That's what I'm praying for, but unfortunately women of my ethnicity make very few eggs. I will be happy with one baby. Also, you can write off the costs of your ivf cycles and de cycles. THat should help you get back money on your taxes next year. We got back a big amount this year due to all of our ivf costs last year, and it will help us pay for a big part of our de cycle.

As for me, I have not been having much luck w/donors. My RE just rejected my prospective donor. She got a 12.5 fsh and very few antral follicles on cd4. She is only 25 too. Luckily I had another donor on hold at a different clinic and they are giving me until tomorrow to decide. It's a different clinic then my current one, but they have a good success rate so I'm trying to be hopeful. The donor on hold is proven so hopefully I can move forward with her rather quickly.

OK, good luck everyone!

Jules

[rjc0704]

Jules/Blakey/Alcheny - hello and welcom

Blakey - nice to have you here. I'm sorry the road has been rough for you and DH. I agree with Jules 100%. It's nice to have a backup plan. It's a tough decision to move to donor, but once you accept it, you really can find peace and hope again. Financial burdens can be heart-wreching, and seems so trival compared to the desire to be parents. There are a number of clinics that do share donor cycles now and offer 100% money back guarentees. I had heard nothing but excellent things about Shady Grove in MD, so that's where we elected to go. They also cater to out of staters. They are so warm, friendly and kind. You can share a donor with 1 or 2 recipients and have 6 fresh cycles from 29-38K depending on the program you chose.
Best wishes to you and DH ttc #1.

Jules - I understand the process of that big decision. It's tough! You have go through denial, anger,pleeding, accepting. But once you do, just like you said, it gives you peace and hope again! And I swear, you feel so alone b/c everywhere every day there are reminders...babies, preg women, familes with children are everywhere. It's selfish to say-because I don't wish IF on anyone, but here on this msg board, I don't feel so alone in this. Not sure when we are cycling...fingers crossed for June!


Alcheny: I'm sorry for the loss of you DH while ttc. I sooo pray you find the donor that's perfect for you. Best wishes and stay in touch!

Best Regards and sticky baby vibes for all!

Rhonda 41 / DH 36
TCC #1- for 2.5 years
2 natural m/c – 2006/ 2007 less than 8 wks
1 Cancelled IVF Nov 2006 – 7 follies only 1 mature egg
IVF #2 – DE - Hopefully May-June