Anyone use donor sperm after biological child?

[Denai]

I'm considering using donor sperm to have a second child and I just wonder if this child will fit into our family seamlessly. I've had 6 IVF"s, the second one resulting in our DS five years ago. Since then, its been an uphill battle (to make a long story short!). Our doctor suggested donor sperm with IUI after our last failed IVF.
My DH is completely for it and he's confident everything will turn out alright. I'm a little concerned, especially since DH does not want to tell our friends or family. While there is the option to try to match up the donor as best as possible to my DH, my concern is that this child could look nothing like any of us and then won't it be pretty obvious to the world?

I've seen some similiar posts as mine from several years ago and I wondered if anyone could update as to how it all turned out?

[BC-CrystalAZ]

I don't know anyone who has used DS to conceive a second child, but I know people who have used DE to conceive a second child.

You never know what a child will look like, so no, it won't be obvious to the world. I constantly have people tell me that my son looks like me even though we aren't genetically related. People see what they want to see.

If your DH is fully on board and if your odds for success are good, I'd go for it.

[KimAtFertilityAuthority]

Hi Denai,

Like Crystal said, no one will really know but you. Typically when using DS, the clinic will allow you to select a donor that looks like your DH (or in some cases the clinic will match their donors to pictures of celebrities and have you pick that way!). You can try to match as closely as possible, but as Crystal said...every child looks different.

[WhitneyAtFertilityAuthority]

Denai: Does your DH have a brother who would be willing to donate his sperm? I know several families who used sisters egg, mothers egg and have healthy, normal babies that are from their gene pool. Just an idea

[Denai]

Thanks CrystalAZ, thats reassuring to hear. I'm working on the courage to go for it. I think I need to let the idea simmer for a bit. I've researched the internet extensively on this subject, ordered books and even scrutinized the looks of unknown families in Walmart! My mind is swimming and I think its time to take a break and listen to what my heart says after all this information fades a bit. Thanks for your input!

[Denai]

Thank you Kim.

I just worry that our second child will look so different from our first child, I guess because of the non-disclosure that my DH wants, it makes me paranoid. If it was all 'out in the open', it wouldn't be an issue. Knowing some of our relatives (particularly my Mom), she puts so much emphasis on 'who looks like whom'. This whole issue certainly has made me conscious of the things I used to say about peoples newborns! Doing the research I've done, its amazing how many people turn to DS & DE.

[Denai]

Hi Whitney

This is a great suggestion, But! I had to laugh a little when I read it because I made this suggestion to my DH who just happens to have a brother we could ask, he said he'd rather a total stranger pass on his genes to our child than carry the genes from his brother! My husband and his brother couldn't be more polar opposite and not in a good way either!. But it was a good idea, thank you!

[Quietsunshine]

Hi there,

I know this is an older thread, but we're facing this possibility of using donor sperm. I don't have an issue with it per say, but not sure my husband is remotely considering yet. Our RE is seeing if there is a physical reason for him to have a low count and motility as his FSH levels are high.

I have no idea how we:d approach the subject either with our daughter and any potential offspring.

Take care,

Alison

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk 2

[Denai]

Hello Alison

Yes, this is an older thread, but its interesting that you replied at this time, because just recently I have decided to go ahead with donor sperm. When we had originally tossed the idea around (May 2011) we found a donor we were quite interested in, but then, we ended up doing two more cycles of IVF. When the last one failed in December of 2011, we were back to square one and began tossing DS idea around again. I phoned Fairfax cryobank in January of 2012 to inquire about the DS we really wanted, but they told us he had 'reached his maximum number of units' and wasn't available. Honestly, its hard to explain, but we were crushed! Here we had been keeping this option in the back of our minds and then it seemed to have been ripped away from us! So, months passed (nine to be exact) and we still felt we wanted a sibling for our son who is five years old. Back to searching for a new potential donor and after a couple of months I finally made a phone call to inquire about a new donor my husband and I agreed on. We live in Canada by the way, so when I tried to order I was advised that I had to order from the Canadian companies. I phoned and found out this 'new donor' wasn't Canadian Compliant, meaning the extra tests Canada requires did not make him elegible for us to use. The lady on the phone asked if there were any other donors we were intersted in and for some reason my husband blurted out the number of the previous donor we really fell in love with and miraculously we were told he was available!!!

Apparently he had not reached the limit in Canada. Its too bad the American company didn't ask if we were from the States or Canada, because so much time has passed by. However, I think we needed to sort our hearts out and realize what was most important to us. We are cautiously excited about this new journey and are awaiting six units to arrive at the end of October.

I obsessed about so many things when we started this journey and now I just don't care anymore. People come in all shapes and sizes. I see siblings that look nothing like each other. The bottom line is my family's happiness (my husband, my son and I). We have had a long battle with infertility and we've decided not to let it win. We're going for it and even if it doesn't work, at least we can say in ten years we did everything we could and arn't living with any regrets.

Sorry I've rattled on but this is the only place I get to share whats going on in my fertility world, what with my husbands desire for total privacy.

Feel free to private message me or to reply here if you like. Take Care, all the best on your journey.