Dilema with choosing donor method

[mintsea]

Hello all. I am hoping that I can find some sort of support/advice here. My dh and I are beginning the process of IVF/mTESE/ICSI @ Cornell. Because my dh has a y chromosome microdeletion, we have been given a 50% chance of finding sperm.

Right now, we need to decide on whether or not we want a donor as a backup option. My choice would be single donor but my husband is almost entirely against it. He feels uncomfortable with the idea of us having a child from another man's sperm. While I want a child, I do not want my husband to give in to something that he doesn't feel comfortable with.

Has anyone had experience with a similar situation? I would appreciate any advice.

Cheers

[Elann]

Our situation was a little different. We were told that there wasn't any sperm and we would need to do donor or adopt. I really wanted to experience pregnancy so we decided to try donor. On the 5th try I concieved our DD. David was happy I was pregnant but still had some issues with the entire donor process. (He made a "joke" once about me being knocked up by some guy. I could have killed him.) After DD was born, we became so wrapped up in being parents that it became a non-issue with her being concieved via donor. Everyday life was us bickering about whose turn it was to change her diaper!

Now Lainna is 4 - and her daddy worships her. We have sometimes forgotten and chuckle to ourselves when we remember.

What your DH is experiencing is totally normal though. This can be devastating and I have seen marriages break up over it. For us it was a blessing. Our daughter would not be "herself" without the donor - and for that we are grateful.

There is a group called DI Dads in Yahoo groups run by a gentleman named Eric. It is a good place for support.

We have been involved in a few articles. If you would like - I can send them to you.

[mintsea]

Elann: I had to do a double take whilst reading your post because my husband's name is David as well! Thank you so much for your post- i find it to be comforting knowing that you had a positive experience with the donor option. We have discussed doing double donor (my hubby is actually more for that) but I still feel that having the baby be part of me would be nice. I very much want to experience pregnancy as well. How did you feel once you were pregnant?

Also, I would love to read the article that you mentioned.

Cheers and best!

[Elann]

Being pg was, of course, wonderful. I did not mind the usual pregnancy aches and pains because I was just so grateful. I was nervous though. When you are pg by donor - there is no wondering "Is the baby going to have my eyes or yours?" Plus, I was so afraid that David would never be able to bond with the child. (Which is so funny now. David likes to pick on me about that -usually in the middle of a tickle fight with Lainna hanging on him!)

Does your DH understand how expensive double donor would be? You are talking about an extra $20,000.00. Not worth it in my book.

The first article was a local one in a parenting magazine. Baltimore's Child

The second was in USA Today while I was PG.
USATODAY.com - Infertile fathers fight stigma as 'DI Dads'

Feel free to ask me anything you want. I don't get offended to easily! lol