Thinking about Twins vs. Singleton with donor eggs how many do I put in?

[ohmybaby]

I am in the process of a donor egg cycle and my only point I am still wrestling with is twins vs. singleton from the start. I am 46 and single, which adds to the confusion. Trying again for a 2nd child I'll be 48 and barely given my body time to recover after a 1st pregnancy. I don't want to have just one child (for the child's sake to have a sibling brother or sister).
I have friends with twins from IVF (their natural children) but they are a married couple and according to them it's the best way to have two children. They decided to let their last frozen embryo go out for adoption as the two boys they have are enough of a family. I've heard all the positive side from them about the boys entertaining each other after they turned 6 months old and being in the same developmental stage, etc. They put in 2 embyros, so they knew there was a chance to have twins from the beginning, this wasn't a split.
I've heard all the stories about how hard it is to have 2 kids less than 2 years apart both from a pregnancy state as well as them being at different developmental stages and wanting to do different things (one baby sleeping while the 2 year old wants to go out to play).

I've gone over this a million times in my head and one day I think absolutely twins (which by the way I've dreamed of having all my life) and the next, I'm thinking am I crazy? If I had a husband, I wouldn't even question my decision for two. I have great family support but the day to day I would have to hire help for. I also work full time and obviously will continue to do so.

This forum has been so helpful and although I don't expect to find a single 46 year old going through exactly what I am, I would appreciate any thoughts from others that have made the decision up front to put in 2 excellent embryos and actually hope for twins. Also, if you put in 2 or more and ended up with twins I know there is no decision to make at that point, but what were your thoughts on how you are going to manage that I'm not thinking of.

I have a transfer scheduled on 12/4 or 12/6 (3 d vs. 5 d). I have to know in my heart by then what I want to do.

[Denise R.]

I have twin two year old girls and love having twins if you can get family help and afford a nanny for the first six months than yes and my twins are still taking two naps a day and are on the same schedual..

[Denise R.]

Also summer is very difficult to be in third trimester with twin pregnancy . I transferred three embryos I wanted twins from get go.

[ohmybaby]

Denise, Thank you so much for the thoughts. That helps to hear exactly what I was expecting and being told that the first 6 months are the toughest and after that the same schedule plus their ability to entertain each other makes it easier. It's good to hear that you are still feeling that with the girls being 2 years old. My friend's boys are 23 months now and he says it's the best thing in the world and his wife does as well.
I'm going to have a 3rd trimester in summer no matter whether it's one or two as my due date will be late August with my transfer date being in less than 2 weeks. I have air conditioning and a neighborhood pool that is filled with pregnant ladies all summer long. I'll find a way to stay cool and rest as much as I can then anyway.

I've said it more than once that I'm trying to find a reason to talk myself out of twins more so than talk myself into them. I just wanted to hear from someone else that what my friends were saying was true. I won't transfer more than 2, at my age they have told me that they won't even though I'm in great shape and very healthy and very tall. My perinatal specialist even told me if there were more than 3 I would have to reduce as I could not carry a triplet pregnancy safely for me or the babies. I can't make that decision, so I will do what I can and make sure that only 2 are put in and hope that none split into identicals.
Thank you again so much for your responses. I'm still on the fence, but at least have more of a positive perspective to look at.

[Denise R.]

Staying cool and swimming is great or even just walking in the water. I bought everything ahead of time so was ready I ended up in hospital for a month before I was due which was the safest place for me it was to hot in Arizona in July for me to run to Dr. appts three times per week. I delivered at 35 weeks and my girls came home with me my nanny was already hired to start when I came home plus some family help. If you achieve twins then have everything in place my seven months got a great nanny off craigs list a student she still comes once a week to help me take girls to activities and dr. appts. Good luck..

[ohmybaby]

great suggestions. I had thought of a student already. I have 2 colleges nearby my house and figured I could find someone that was tired of commuting. One has a teaching program, I thought an aspiring teacher would be a good choice. I have plenty of room in the house for someone to live here with me and the babies during the week. I could help out a student that lives too far to commute and can't afford dorms or off campus housing and pay her to help me too. Never thought of Craig's list, but that is an awesome idea.

I have 10 weeks of full paid leave including my vacation built up at work. Anything that I am off in addition to that will be at 70% of pay. I'm hoping and going to do my best to stay off bed rest at least until the bitter end. I'll figure out and do everything anybody tells me to stay active but not too much. I guess there is a fine line there.
I also already know I'm getting a circlage. Due to a couple of fibroid surgeries and 2 miscarriage D&C's the perinatal specialist and I already decided at 14 weeks or 17 weeks I can't remember which one now that she would do the circlage so I at least didn't have to worry about cervical incompetence.
Thanks again for your thoughts and great ideas.

[Denise R.]

Sounds like you have a plan I think you could easily get your peri to sign short term disability for you if needed. If you are getting cerclage you will probably be on bedrest by six months so be prepared twin pregnancy takes a real sharp turn at six months not a picnic in the park but so worth it..

[ohmybaby]

you are more informative than I thought on this. I thought the cerclage was to stop me from being on bedrest for cervix issues. I know I can end up with pre-eclampsia or issues related to the amnionic fluid levels as well as diabetes that are more common in older pregnant moms as well as more common in multiples. That was what I was thinking.
Does the cerclage always make you end up on bed rest? My perinatal specialist actually talked to me at a pre-conception consult about the cerclage saying I could have it done or I could hold my breath and come in more often for cervix checks. I decided to keep going and keep working as long as I could that the cerclage would be worth it. There didn't seem to be a down side to doing it other than actually having a procedure done.
The 10 weeks I have is my short term disability. I have 6 weeks of full pay plus 4 weeks of banked vacation pay that I can take. After the 6 weeks of full pay I can still be out of work for a full 12 weeks with my job being held (FMLA rules) but I only get 70% of my pay. I could have up to 16 weeks including my vacation time. I just have to know that the last 6 weeks would be at 70% of my pay. I'm trying to make sure I have banked extra money for that if it does happen. I also want at least 6 months of nanny pay in the bank by the time I deliver.

How tough were those last 3 months? I guess you delivered at 35 weeks so a month early. I can't be in the hospital for a month, I would have to be home at least. Wow more to think about. I've been carefully considering the risk to both me and the babies as well as the required time off for bed rest and reduction in my pay due to a twin pregnancy too. That has not escaped thought. My peri said that because I was tall I had plenty of room for 2 and very healthy for my 46 years so she had no issues at all if I was even considering twins. I wasn't thinking that far ahead when I met with her last spring and now I wish I could go back and talk to her again. I may try and see if I can get in her office in the next two weeks for another consult appointment.

[Denise R.]

I participated on Network 54 under health is fertility and then hoping to be a mom from donor egg and pregnancy and parenting after donor egg amazing group of experienced women lots of information on cerclage and from this board I saw that most who had cerclage went to bedrest. I was only thirty when i was pregnant and five feet nine inches tall so tall did not help I had short cervix, gestational diabetes, and pre pre eclamsia I was hospitalized after I ganied 30 pounds of fluid in one week. No body wants to be in hospital for the last few weeks but it is common . I think if it had not been summer it would have gone better..

[Danasingle]

Hello Oh My!

Have no experience with twin pregnancies, but anyone who does ART probably get the talk from their Dr. and research on if it would happen to you.

I'm transfering at the same time you are. I too am single and each time I try, I pray for boy/girl twins (so they will not be compared as much.) I'll take what I get of course.

Like Denise, I would have to arrange for assistance for the last three months at least of pregnancy and first six months minimum. Lots of great resources build by families that have had twins or HOM's.

The question you need to ask is how you feel about it. No guarantees to even get one baby out of transfer two or three embryos, but we can always visualize and pray.

If I am blessed with a singleton, I will likely try for one more a year after delivery.

Good luck!

Dana