Donor embryo, only two choices sent...vent

[beth26]

Well I felt really blessed that my doctor thought of me for their donor embryo program. We just got the matches, only two. The one couple is from Eastern Europe, and the other was more of a match. But what I found was interesting the embryos were both from women over 35. I really think if we are putting out this money we should wait for a match from a younger donor. I know what I have been through after 35 years old and I really feel as if they are just "trying to get rid" (harsh I know) of these embryos. I have waited almost 6 months for the match, I just do not feel that they are making a concerted effort. Anyway this was more of a vent. I am just so tearful over this and DH thinks maybe this is all we can get. Of course I left a message this am and I have not received a call back. Sorry.... I hate to be such a downer.Beth

[BC-deanne]

Sorry Beth. It sounds frustrating. I waited 18 to 20 months to be at the top of the donor embryo list at the clinic I used. It's a slow process now that donor embryos have become so popular. Call and see if there is a possibility of better matches. I wouldn't want to use embryos from a donor over 35.

Deanne

[beth26]

Thank you. You know if it was presented that way that it may take longer than 4-6 months I would have been better about it. Also the age thing through me a little as well. So we are waiting again. TY so much Beth.

[Mom_2_One]

Hi Beth,
You have every right to be frustrated! I also absolutely would not want to use embryos from a 35 year old woman or a woman (or man with morphology issues) who had fertility issues. If the woman had problems with her tubes, or if a man had a low sperm count, then I would feel comfortable receiving the embryos. Have you looked at Miracles Waiting or Embryos Alive? You wont be charged any money to receive the embryos if you are selected as a recipient. You would only need to pay for transport of the embryos and also any medical screening you might need. Theres are two ways that I know of to acquire embryos directly from the people who are donating them rather than going through a clinic or "adoption" agency. Good luck. I hope that you get your embryos soon. Also if you have not already discovered the group, there are a number of women on "Parents Via Egg Donation". It's a very active Yahoo group. At any rate, a number of women there have received donated embryos and they may have some more advice for you...
-Victoria

[CrystalAZ]

I think that MOST women who do IVF who would have frozen embies are over 35. I know there are exceptions, but in general, women going through IVF are the ones whose clocks are ticking and they haven't been able to get pg naturally.

It would not stop me and I would consider the embies a special gift and would accept them. After all, they probably worked for the couple donating them, or they wouldn't be donated.

Crystal

[rjc0704]

Well, they are embryos and not eggs, which suggests a good thing. However, did they do PGD on them to rule out abnormalities? That would be my key question. Embryos are still a significant investment (emotionally and financially) and you should be fully informed before making your decision. Good Luck to you!

[Mom_2_One]

It would be ideal if you found embryos that were created from donor eggs! Again, I would definitely checkout Miracles waiting since they don't charge much money for the donated embryos. Rhonda's suggestion to use eggs that had undergone PGD is a good one especially if the embryos are from a woman in her late 30s. I guest most importantly, I would want to know the reason that the woman underwent the IVF (nature of the infertility) and then decide from there.
Good luck!
-Victoria

[beth26]

Thank you for the information and support. I know I really did feel blessed. But I have had two m/c's one early and one late with identical twin girls maybe I am being a little too sensitive. Of course I got the lecture you have one healthy child why are you asking for more... blah blah from my family so I do not say anything to them anymore. I have not received a call back either it was never this way with my REs nurse. I dropped all of my sons old bottles to daycare and I "lent" some other things to my cousin. I really have to say I feel defeated. Thank you, you all are so kind and special. Beth.

[Mom_2_One]

Beth,
I have one child and am grateful for her, but in some ways, having one makes me want another one even more. My child wants a sibling and I just want one more baby! If a family can care for them, there is nothing wrong, or greedy about wanting to have another child just because you already happen to be a mother already. Infertility SUCKSSSSSSSSSSS. It doesn't matter if you have 0, 1, or 3 kids, or more; infertility and recurrent pregancy loss is a painful, difficult and often lonely issue to confront. I wish you EVERY success in expanding your family...

Also, in case you have decided to continue the process of become an embryo recipeint, I wanted to let you know that I recently got notification from Embryos Alive that a family who used an egg donor is currently seeking a recipeint for their embryos...(I'm still on the mailing list).
Good luck my dear and I hope that you have some support in dealing with your loss and the infertility. I actually did seek counsel from a grief support group and it did help quite a bit...I am very sorry that you are having to deal with all of this. I know it's hard.
All the best,
Victoria

[MaritsaM]

I agree but it is not the same with women who have no baby. I have no baby and cannot have a baby unless I do donor egg and I am devastated. At least you had the chance to experience pregnancy and to give birth to a biological child. Please don't include us ladies eho have not been lucky enough or ever will be lucky enough to even have one biological child.

Thank you!

P.S. Nothing personal against you.