Anyone working with a known egg donor

Mom_2_One · 08-29-2009, 12:46 PM

Hi All,
after a couple years of recurrent pg loss (naturally conceived) and a failed IVF and FET cycle with my own eggs, my husband and I have chosen to move forward with the crazily, expensive donor egg route....

I found a donor in Jacksonville FL (Florida Institute for reproductive medicine). They are offering me a shared cycle with an 100% anonymous donor who has had two successful cycles so far. We're supposed to start the cycle with my next period in about two weeks. It's very tempting, but I am having major issues with the 100% anonymity. We can't even see a picture and they gave me a very short one paged bio (medical history if you can call it that). I would at the very least like to have a semi-anonymous donor (i.e child can contact donor at some point in the future if she/he would like to do so).

I have a 25 year old cousin who said that she would like to help us conceive a child. I heard through the grape vine that she had said that to her mother a while back. So, I called and asked her about it. She said that she is willing to help us. I am very thrilled about this prospect (it would take longer and be more expensive than doing the shared cycle in Florida). However, it would be worth it to me to wait for the screening and psych testing. We are talking about the details now.

Has anyone else used a known donor? Is it more risky than going with a screened donor. My major concern is that she might back out after we have spent all of the money for the screening and medical testing. Anyone have some insight? Thanks.
-Victoria

**BC-MAV** · 09-04-2009, 06:28 AM

Yes, we have used 2 KNOWN donors while ttc with our surrogate. The 1st ED was from our home sate and we had to travel to CA for her to donate... someting about our laws here... She was proven, had 2 boys of her own with her DH, but it just didn't result in success with our SM. We emailed, talked on phone, etc. the met her.. The next ED we emailed, talked on phone, then met her in CA where she lived and we proceeded with the cycle. She was not married, no kids and not proven. It worked with her donation and our SM gave birth to 2nd DS. We doanted our leftover embryos to another couple but it didn't work for them. We don't really have contact with the ED's anymore but I know their full names and where they lived and the agency has their current contact information. It was not wierd. I had to just see these women in person, jsut to know, and to be able to tell my youngest that there was this wonderful woman that helped us. They were not family members but complete strangers till we met them.

dmariehill · 10-01-2009, 04:16 PM

I've just gotten the news that my best chance is with an ED. My cousin has offered many times and we are going to take her up on the offer (assuming she passes all the screens of course). We're in the process of working out the financing now.

For us, getting to this point has taken months. She volunteered in July before I knew that pretty much my only shot was with ED. We've talked about it several times over that time frame and I've given her many opps to back out without issue.

I think it's important if you know the donor to set expectations. She's already stated that she and her husband will just be aunt and uncle. That they aren't going to expect more than that. We've talked about their expectations for how we will raise the baby - mainly to prevent issues in the future. We've talked about the cost that's involved for us and what is involved for her. I feel comfortable that we're all on the same page.

I was concerned it would be weird since we're so close, but I'm feeling very much at peace now after our conversations.

I don't think it's more risky if you've had the right conversations.

08-29-2009, 12:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
Mom_2_One 100-199 post 3 of hearts Join Date: May 2008 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 173	Anyone working with a known egg donor Hi All, after a couple years of recurrent pg loss (naturally conceived) and a failed IVF and FET cycle with my own eggs, my husband and I have chosen to move forward with the crazily, expensive donor egg route.... I found a donor in Jacksonville FL (Florida Institute for reproductive medicine). They are offering me a shared cycle with an 100% anonymous donor who has had two successful cycles so far. We're supposed to start the cycle with my next period in about two weeks. It's very tempting, but I am having major issues with the 100% anonymity. We can't even see a picture and they gave me a very short one paged bio (medical history if you can call it that). I would at the very least like to have a semi-anonymous donor (i.e child can contact donor at some point in the future if she/he would like to do so). I have a 25 year old cousin who said that she would like to help us conceive a child. I heard through the grape vine that she had said that to her mother a while back. So, I called and asked her about it. She said that she is willing to help us. I am very thrilled about this prospect (it would take longer and be more expensive than doing the shared cycle in Florida). However, it would be worth it to me to wait for the screening and psych testing. We are talking about the details now. Has anyone else used a known donor? Is it more risky than going with a screened donor. My major concern is that she might back out after we have spent all of the money for the screening and medical testing. Anyone have some insight? Thanks. -Victoria __________________ Me 43 DH 40 DD 01-15-05 6 angles (05/2007-12/2008); natually concieved IVF#1 04-2009; BFN FET#1 06-24-09; Beta 07-03-09;BFN First DE-IVF cycle (transfer @ 11-23-09)

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09-04-2009, 06:28 AM	#2 (permalink)
BC-MAV Board Coordinator for Surrogacy BB Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: way down yonder ... Posts: 29,651 Blog Entries: 50	Yes, we have used 2 KNOWN donors while ttc with our surrogate. The 1st ED was from our home sate and we had to travel to CA for her to donate... someting about our laws here... She was proven, had 2 boys of her own with her DH, but it just didn't result in success with our SM. We emailed, talked on phone, etc. the met her.. The next ED we emailed, talked on phone, then met her in CA where she lived and we proceeded with the cycle. She was not married, no kids and not proven. It worked with her donation and our SM gave birth to 2nd DS. We doanted our leftover embryos to another couple but it didn't work for them. We don't really have contact with the ED's anymore but I know their full names and where they lived and the agency has their current contact information. It was not wierd. I had to just see these women in person, jsut to know, and to be able to tell my youngest that there was this wonderful woman that helped us. They were not family members but complete strangers till we met them.

10-01-2009, 04:16 PM	#3 (permalink)
dmariehill 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Georgia Posts: 22	I've just gotten the news that my best chance is with an ED. My cousin has offered many times and we are going to take her up on the offer (assuming she passes all the screens of course). We're in the process of working out the financing now. For us, getting to this point has taken months. She volunteered in July before I knew that pretty much my only shot was with ED. We've talked about it several times over that time frame and I've given her many opps to back out without issue. I think it's important if you know the donor to set expectations. She's already stated that she and her husband will just be aunt and uncle. That they aren't going to expect more than that. We've talked about their expectations for how we will raise the baby - mainly to prevent issues in the future. We've talked about the cost that's involved for us and what is involved for her. I feel comfortable that we're all on the same page. I was concerned it would be weird since we're so close, but I'm feeling very much at peace now after our conversations. I don't think it's more risky if you've had the right conversations.