DH Says No More

[TigerGirl]

DH has said that he does not/will not spend the money for the donor egg procedure. He has hurt me so bad. My heart is breaking. Our names were already on the donor list. He knew he had no intention of going thru with it. We actually have info. on a prospective donor to review. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with donor eggs. Now it's all over.

Background: I'm 43, DH is 36. When we got married 3 years ago, we decided we wanted to start trying to get pregnant right away. Well, we ran into some obstacles. My tubes were/are blocked, some Endo., and my age of course. I had surgery to removed the adhesions, we tried some more with clomid, and we did 1 IVF in 2008 that failed. Just one!!

The horrible thing about this is we CAN afford it. There's money his Dad left him just sitting in a bank. It is invested, but it could be borrowed against if not used outright. There are 3 rental houses. (Only one is occupied right now.) Just selling one of them would cover it. The housing market has not been as affected down here in Alabama. Oh, and get this, there are 3-4 cars (classics or old crap) that are just sitting around. He's doing nothing with them. One of them, the 74 Challenger, he only bought it from a friend because the friend was having some financial problems. He paid $10000 for the piece of sh*t. Also, there's enough engines, transmission, etc. in the Shop to start a Dodge Junk Museum.

I'm sorry this is so long. I needed to vent. I am so lost now. I know I will start resenting him for this. I just wonder when resentment turns to hate. I don't know where it will go after that.

Lias

[TigerGirl]

God, I can't even type my name.

LISA

[michie]

Sweetie my heart is really breaking for you . :-(

Try writing him a letter and pour your heart and soul into it. Let him know again how badly you want this and that you wont be happy without it. Don't give up yet. If he was willing to shell out 10K for a friend then surely he is willing to give you this. You are his DW after all.

Good luck sweetie.

[CrystalAZ]

OMG! I would be livid. $10K on a junk car, but nothing to make his wife's dreams come true?!?!?!?

You need to have a serious talk with him. This is your ONLY LIFE and this is your chance to have what you want out of it.

What are his reasons for saying no? Is it all about money? Is he scared or unsure about the DE process?

I would not accept his no for an answer. If he sticks to his no, I would insist on counseling.

Crystal

[rjc0704]

What if you did a shared risk program??? Say with Shady Grove in MD? You get EVERY PENNY BACK if you don't conceive. It is ALL-INCLUSIVE...donor meds, fees, screening...everything! You get 6 fresh cycles and even share donors with 1 or 2 recipients. They cator to out of towners. You would only have to go for screening to get in the program (90% are accepted) then you only have to go back for transfers. I think that is a reasonable compromise.

I'm sooo sorry! But if $$$ is his worry, then this IS the solution! You get soooo many chances! You're happiness is worth any price, hon! You don't want resentments and what if's looming.

Check out their website shady grove fertily . com

[carolsue]

Well, is any of that stuff just in your name? if so, freakin sell it

[TigerGirl]

Hey guys, thanks for all your responses, but it seems to be a moot point. My "H' has decided to move out. He's not gonna live his life being constantly reminded that he was the bad guy in this. I asked him if he thought I was gonna get over it in a week?

To answer some of your questions. He knew he was getting a car is why he helped his friend out. It is all about the money to him cause it is still a gamble. He had refused to adopt before this. I had already discussed Shady Grove, Integamed Attain, etc. He's just not gonna spend the money.

And no none of that stuff is in my name. My truck and the house we/I live is in both our names. I did suggest counseling. He says no. But you know what the kicker was? He called to tell me all of this during my lunch break in there with a roomful of people.

My life has turned into a soap opera.
Thanks again ya'll.
Lisa

[CrystalAZ]

OMG!!! I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I don't think the only reason he is moving out is that you want a child. There is more going on in his head than that.

Sounds like you are better off without someone who won't even consider your needs and desires. I am so so sorry.

Crystal

[TigerGirl]

Thanks, Crystal.

I've been thinking the same thing, but I wish he'd just tell me if it is something else. I REALLY think that he's afraid he won't get any attention if a baby is around. To tell you the truth, sometimes I feel like I'm HIS mother.

Lisa

[carolsue]

I am so sorry. He is a chicken s!#t if he had to do it over the phone, no balls at all. I am just sorry he waited so long and you were getting your hopes up.
Best you know now, life is short and you do not need a man to be a mother, there are clinics that will take single women and use donor embryos and it is not that expensive.