Does this sound weird?

[DBee]

I just got a email that kinda upset me. I emailed my Donor Nurse today about Meds and stuff and I told her about possibly meeting the intended father earlier in the day and I thought it was a great story, and exciting and she turned cold and kinda snappy on me. She told me that I was in no way to reveal myself to anyone even if I thought that I was infact their donor. She said that if she heard from the parents that they found out who I was that my cycle would possibly be cancelled. Uhm, I'm going to call bull on that one you would cancel a cycle that a family spent who knows how much money on because of a chance encounter? I mean they shouldn't have scheduled my appointment around the same time as his if it was that big of a deal. I don't get it. I thought it was neat and a really good sign for the cycle and maybe I'm being over sensitive but that kinda made me feel let down.

I don't have Lupron to blame on this one but come on, I can understand both sides of it, I would never ask anything from a family I am donating for, if they found me later on their choice, it's that THEIR choice. I'm easy going but that just threw me for a loop. A cancelled cycle? It's not like I am donating for Micheal Jackson or anything.

Thanks for letting me vent, my girlfriends wouldn't get it.

[carolsue]

I know my clinic is very strict, they use only anonymous donors and recipients, probably just in case either one decides to change their minds and wants to contact the other one they would actually know what they look like. I would like to see pictures of my donor or it would be ok to meet her but I wouldn't want her to know anything else about me or where I lived but I would definitely like to thank her and tell her how much it means to us.

[amandabrown23]

I have heard of a lot of clinics being like that. I am sorry it brought your spirit down its really not your fault.

[carolsue]

I just read your other post about the experience with the man in the waiting room, that was cool. I know it had to be breath catching but it would have been cool if you could have told him you were sure their donor would want them to know she hopes so bad they have the family they have always wanted and is grateful to give them the chance. It was too big a risk to wait for them outside to meet them, they may have snitched you out just by being so excited. I am glad you got to chat w/ him though, now you know a little about them

[DBee]

Carolsue,
Thank you for your response. I get it, I guess I just thought about it like well it's a waiting room, people talk, don't mix donors and recipients if that's the case. I'm a very personable person to begin with it was just a bad call on the clinic's part. I feel better now just like you said atleast I know more about them and his look on his face will be etched in my head on ER day. Best of luck to you on your upcoming cycle!

Amanda,
Thank you too for your response, I felt like it was my fault, whoops! Sorry! LOL. I'm over it, no more talking in the waiting room! LOL

[Blossomo]

I think donors and recipients (and agencies and clinics) must be scrupulous in preserving the anonymity of the parties to the greatest extent possible. So I understand why your clinic may have been unhappy with a possible breach of anonymity. I can totally understand why a recipient parent might balk upon learning that the donor possibly identified him or her. As I understand it, the law is unsettled in many states regarding the donor's rights to a child conceived by donation (it is in my state). The anonymity ensures that it would be difficult if not impossible for a donor who changed her mind to try to come after the recipient parents.

I actually met my donor. She cannot legally do anonymous donations in this country, so we had to meet her (first names exchanged). I would have avoided a meeting if it had been legally possible. The only reason I agreed to the meeting was because she had done 4 prior donor cycles (all with resulting pregnancies), and I figured there was a minimal risk that she would try to track me down in the future. Also, my clinic has multiple branches. She goes to a different branch than I do, so I won't see her. I made the most of the meeting and told her thank you for the gift she is giving us. After she finishes the cycle, I hope she doesn't think of us again except as the nice people who wrote her a $$$$$ check. That's my 2 cents, anyhoo.

Hope your situation irons itself out. Good luck!

[DBee]

Blossomo,
I never really thought about everything behind it all legalities included. I know alot about GS and issues surrounding it state laws etc. I couldn't have my birth in my state because there are no surrogacy laws, or guidelines. Anything that comes out of you in my state you are it's legal guardian! LOL. That's a great point you made! LOL I'm sure she appreciated your gratitude as well as the $. LOL

I hope everything goes smoothly for your cycle and hoping you have a BFP in no time!

[Donor 1502]

That's my clinic's policy as well. They are quite careful that the appointments don't coincide with recipients.

There is a donor registry online that you can use to try and find your recips after the donation. If they want to be found, that is.

[carolsue]

There is a lot of talk sometimes when I am in the waiting room at my clinic, I look at the women and think, is she my donor? I have even thought of sitting
in the lobby of the clinic waiting to see a lady walk through w/ bandages on her hands the day of retrieval when DH does his deed, in the end, I won't though but it is a nice thought.