SO UPSET! Cancelled our donor.

jennrenew · 08-25-2008, 04:48 PM

Hi. I'm so upset. We found our donor, hired the lawyer for the contract, had her psych eval and she was scheduled to fly in town in 2 days for her first Doctors appt for her initial exam. Our one concern with her was that we were worried since she is a model that if she got a job offer she would opt out or cancel Dr's appts ect. We made sure that the psychologist made it clear to her that we had to be first priority and that she couldn't cancel due to a modeling job.
Well, I just got an email from her today that she got a job and wanted to reschedule her appt.
We cancelled her as our donor after that.

hanna1 · 08-25-2008, 08:11 PM

How disappointing! You did the right thing though.

jennrenew · 08-25-2008, 10:14 PM

Shes actually threatening to sue me now! Unbelievable since we are the ones out $1200 for the lawyer fees, psych fees and airline ticket!

drag5_0s · 08-25-2008, 10:37 PM

I'm so sorry that you had to cancel your donor. If anything SHE is the one who broke the agreement/obligation. For her to have the nerve to even threaten you just proves how crappy her character is. I hope and pray that you find your "perfect" donor!!

Lisa Marie

ghf · 08-26-2008, 01:36 AM

jennrenew - I know you from the "Hard to Wait" thread. I am so sorry to hear this bad news. I remember your contract negotiations about donor responsibility for funds, if the cycle gets cancelled. Thank God you left that in...she's probably scared that she is now responsible to reimburse you for the airplane tickets. Did you cancel her as your donor, through your lawyer? I think she's threatening to sue you, to scare you from asking her for any reimbursement. She has no leg to stand on, as she is the one not honoring the agreement...by not following through with her scheduled appointment.

I know that you worked independently with her and that there was no agency involvement...I worked with my donor through an agency. Even though it is more expensive with an agency, the donors also have an obligation not only to the recipient, but also to their agency to follow through on their commitment. Not to mention that agency donors go through an additional level of screening for competency. I had a slight glitch with my donor right before the agreement was about to go down...she all of a sudden wanted more money. I was floored, and was ready to drop her and call it quits and just find another donor who would stick to her word and not play bidding games with me. Well, the agency owner took care of the issue immediately and set the donor straight...apparently, my donor had close family members and friends telling her to ask for more money. These donors are young girls and sometimes they need a true grown up adult guiding them...that's where an agency can be helpful. I guess I'm just saying that having an agency involved gives you a little bit more peace of mind, knowing that there is someone else with a vested interest in the donor's commitment.

Again, I'm so sorry that you are going through this ordeal, and I know how upset you are right now. This can sometimes seem like an obstacle course. But who knows...maybe both lawyers involved can resolve this matter for you, with as little stress as possible. Keep us posted as to what happens. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Good luck and hang in there.

jennrenew · 08-26-2008, 02:05 PM

Well thankfully we hadn't yet sent the contract to her and she opted to not have a lawyer. But even if we had sent it to her, the contract says that we can opt out for any reason before the start of meds without being liable to pay her anything.

ghf- I agree with you about the agency. We will definately go through an agency.

Im feeling depressed. We have been looking at profiles. We must be picky cuz we only found one so far that we think might be ok. We saw one that we really liked but she is in cycle with someone right now.

ghf · 08-26-2008, 04:03 PM

jennrenew - That's great that you at least won't have any contract problems to deal with. I am sorry that you are feeling depressed. Try to keep yourself busy to get through this rough patch. Once you find another donor and you will...your sharp feelings about this incident will start to fade as your focus will have shifted. Look at it this way...thank God she flaked out in the beginning and not while you were well into the cycle. Take care.

**BC-donor** · 08-27-2008, 07:53 PM

Oh gosh, I am very sorry to hear that. She obviously is NOT a good donor. She has to realize that with so much on the line for you guys, YOU come first, not her job. She had no business asking to reschedule this appointment.

I know it's difficult to have to start over now, but you absolutely did the right thing!! If a donor isn't going to commit to being available when she needs to be, then she shouldn't be doing this! This is a very, very tight schedule & she needs to acknowledge that. You did the right thing, even though it hurts like heck now!

Keep looking through those profiles. The right one is out there & she will be way, way better than this other one could have ever been for you!!

Keep us posted on the search!!

jennrenew · 08-28-2008, 07:50 AM

Thanks everyone. I've been looking through 2 agencies profiles. I don't see anyone that I like as much but I'm trying to keep an open mind. I have an appt with a new RE next Wed and then I can look at their donor pool.

I am really glad that this happened before we started. I know I did the right thing. I just get so impatient with how long this whole process takes. I feel like I have wasted so much time with her.

**BC-donor** · 08-30-2008, 09:53 PM

Of course you're disappointed, yet the feelings of relief are huge! Better for her to have flaked out on you BEFORE you were in the middle of a cycle, with loads of money invested in her!!

I know that ANY amount of waiting really stinks, but the right donor is out there, just waiting for you to choose her!!

Let us know how your appointment with the new RE goes next week!! I hope you find your donor very soon!

08-25-2008, 04:48 PM	#1 (permalink)
jennrenew 600-699 post 8 of hearts Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 666	SO UPSET! Cancelled our donor. Hi. I'm so upset. We found our donor, hired the lawyer for the contract, had her psych eval and she was scheduled to fly in town in 2 days for her first Doctors appt for her initial exam. Our one concern with her was that we were worried since she is a model that if she got a job offer she would opt out or cancel Dr's appts ect. We made sure that the psychologist made it clear to her that we had to be first priority and that she couldn't cancel due to a modeling job. Well, I just got an email from her today that she got a job and wanted to reschedule her appt. We cancelled her as our donor after that.

08-25-2008, 10:37 PM	#4 (permalink)
drag5_0s 900-999 post jack of hearts Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Moving to Ft. Lee Virginia!! Posts: 913	I'm so sorry that you had to cancel your donor. If anything SHE is the one who broke the agreement/obligation. For her to have the nerve to even threaten you just proves how crappy her character is. I hope and pray that you find your "perfect" donor!! Lisa Marie __________________ Me (26) DH (27) married 5yrs!! Initial appt in May @ Womack! Hopefully starting 7th d/s IUI in June @ Womack

08-27-2008, 07:53 PM	#8 (permalink)
BC-donor 500-599 post 7 of hearts Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 587	Oh gosh, I am very sorry to hear that. She obviously is NOT a good donor. She has to realize that with so much on the line for you guys, YOU come first, not her job. She had no business asking to reschedule this appointment. I know it's difficult to have to start over now, but you absolutely did the right thing!! If a donor isn't going to commit to being available when she needs to be, then she shouldn't be doing this! This is a very, very tight schedule & she needs to acknowledge that. You did the right thing, even though it hurts like heck now! Keep looking through those profiles. The right one is out there & she will be way, way better than this other one could have ever been for you!! Keep us posted on the search!! __________________ Multiple DE cycles, finally successful

08-30-2008, 09:53 PM	#10 (permalink)
BC-donor 500-599 post 7 of hearts Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 587	Of course you're disappointed, yet the feelings of relief are huge! Better for her to have flaked out on you BEFORE you were in the middle of a cycle, with loads of money invested in her!! I know that ANY amount of waiting really stinks, but the right donor is out there, just waiting for you to choose her!! Let us know how your appointment with the new RE goes next week!! I hope you find your donor very soon! __________________ Multiple DE cycles, finally successful

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08-25-2008, 08:11 PM	#2 (permalink)
hanna1 Registered User Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: new york Posts: 374	How disappointing! You did the right thing though.

08-25-2008, 10:14 PM	#3 (permalink)
jennrenew 600-699 post 8 of hearts Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 666	Shes actually threatening to sue me now! Unbelievable since we are the ones out $1200 for the lawyer fees, psych fees and airline ticket!

08-26-2008, 01:36 AM	#5 (permalink)
ghf Registered User Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 99	jennrenew - I know you from the "Hard to Wait" thread. I am so sorry to hear this bad news. I remember your contract negotiations about donor responsibility for funds, if the cycle gets cancelled. Thank God you left that in...she's probably scared that she is now responsible to reimburse you for the airplane tickets. Did you cancel her as your donor, through your lawyer? I think she's threatening to sue you, to scare you from asking her for any reimbursement. She has no leg to stand on, as she is the one not honoring the agreement...by not following through with her scheduled appointment. I know that you worked independently with her and that there was no agency involvement...I worked with my donor through an agency. Even though it is more expensive with an agency, the donors also have an obligation not only to the recipient, but also to their agency to follow through on their commitment. Not to mention that agency donors go through an additional level of screening for competency. I had a slight glitch with my donor right before the agreement was about to go down...she all of a sudden wanted more money. I was floored, and was ready to drop her and call it quits and just find another donor who would stick to her word and not play bidding games with me. Well, the agency owner took care of the issue immediately and set the donor straight...apparently, my donor had close family members and friends telling her to ask for more money. These donors are young girls and sometimes they need a true grown up adult guiding them...that's where an agency can be helpful. I guess I'm just saying that having an agency involved gives you a little bit more peace of mind, knowing that there is someone else with a vested interest in the donor's commitment. Again, I'm so sorry that you are going through this ordeal, and I know how upset you are right now. This can sometimes seem like an obstacle course. But who knows...maybe both lawyers involved can resolve this matter for you, with as little stress as possible. Keep us posted as to what happens. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Good luck and hang in there.

08-26-2008, 02:05 PM	#6 (permalink)
jennrenew 600-699 post 8 of hearts Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 666	Well thankfully we hadn't yet sent the contract to her and she opted to not have a lawyer. But even if we had sent it to her, the contract says that we can opt out for any reason before the start of meds without being liable to pay her anything. ghf- I agree with you about the agency. We will definately go through an agency. Im feeling depressed. We have been looking at profiles. We must be picky cuz we only found one so far that we think might be ok. We saw one that we really liked but she is in cycle with someone right now.

08-26-2008, 04:03 PM	#7 (permalink)
ghf Registered User Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 99	jennrenew - That's great that you at least won't have any contract problems to deal with. I am sorry that you are feeling depressed. Try to keep yourself busy to get through this rough patch. Once you find another donor and you will...your sharp feelings about this incident will start to fade as your focus will have shifted. Look at it this way...thank God she flaked out in the beginning and not while you were well into the cycle. Take care.

08-28-2008, 07:50 AM	#9 (permalink)
jennrenew 600-699 post 8 of hearts Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 666	Thanks everyone. I've been looking through 2 agencies profiles. I don't see anyone that I like as much but I'm trying to keep an open mind. I have an appt with a new RE next Wed and then I can look at their donor pool. I am really glad that this happened before we started. I know I did the right thing. I just get so impatient with how long this whole process takes. I feel like I have wasted so much time with her.