Anyone used a Known Egg Donor

AgRed · 07-08-2008, 09:06 AM

Hi All.

Was hoping to find someone who has used a known egg donor. Have a few questions if there is anyone out there who has used a friend or relative as an egg donor.

Thanks
AgRed

07-08-2008, 02:15 PM

Yes, hello AgRed, a cousin donated for me.

Here's how it happened:

When I knew I needed DE, I wrote a letter to my younger female cousins. It took me weeks to compose it. In the letter, I told them all about our efforts to conceive and the decision to go with DE, I explained how it works - just briefly, and the reasons why I hoped a relative might donate. I also explained that an agency donor would be a fine option for me as well; that I had even picked some out that I liked (which was true -- as a back-up plan). I told them that DE is a lot to go through and that I would understand if it wasn't the right thing for them, and asked them to let me know if they wanted to talk about it further.

Well, two of the three cousins wanted to do it. But one had just gotten pregnant, and so the other one decided to go for it. SHe was a bit older than the ideal but has a small child, and her twin sistaer was the one who was pregnant, so we thogught those were good indicators of fertility. PLus she's a great communicator, which made the process so much easier! We took it one step at a time. Each screening test came back with encouraging results, so we went for it!

We became much closer through the whole process, and once we had the logisitics squared away -- she lives in another part of the country so I had to coordinate the cycle at a clinic in her neck o' the woods -- it went perfectly. We had the help of a great team of REs and nurses, as well as a fertility counselor who helped us tremendously.

Today I'm 33 weeks p/g with boy/girl twins, and we have four perfect blastocysts on ice.

I'd be happy to answer any questions you might have!
Best,
Kat

AgRed · 07-09-2008, 08:06 AM

THANK YOU KAT!!!!

We've been struggling with the DE option for a while. I go back ad forth, but knowing this is my only option...I have to come to terms with it. Both my husband and I have trouble with the thought of selecting an anonymous donor. Feels like going in Wal-Mart to select something off the shelf (blue eyes or brown, blonde hair or brown (hard to come by my red hair), etc, etc....). My best friend has told me from the beginning that she would do it. Just could never manage to think about it until now. Knowing she's agreed to do it and has no doubts about it is comforting. My husband gave an immediate YES. I just keep coming up with minor things that worry me. I think that comes from the fact that I am selecting someone that is supposed to be ME!!! She lives 1.5 hr West of STL and We live 2.5 hr South of STL. She still has no problem with making the trips to STL to do this (which blows my mind honestly!!)!! But, that's what friends are for huh? And, I couldn't pick a better person for the "job." She is also a twin, like your cousin, and has 2 children....pregnant after the first shot both times. Her sister was the same with 3 children.

I keep sending her info as if I am trying to convince her to do it....which is insane because it doesn't phase her...she wants to do it. I just want to be sure she knows everything, I don't want her to commit to anything without knowing ALL the details!

Here are my questions....prior to and during the process can you tell me apprx. how many Dr/Office visits you both had to make?

Thank you so much for replying to me. This is just the first of many questions I have for you.

07-10-2008, 04:52 AM

Hi again AgRed!

Your friend sounds like an amazing person who really loves you!

Before starting our cycle, my beau & I met with the RE and the donor coordinator once for a consultation and to sign papers, etc. Afterward, my cousin met with the RE and donor coordinator as well to discuss the whole process and to get screened -- blood tests, ultrasound exam of ovaries, etc. My DP & I were required to meet with a fertility counselor, and my cousin and her DH also met with the same fertility counselor -- this to ensure that we had all discussed the relationships involved, the issue of disclosure, and how we will handle things in the future.

During the process, my cousin had to make several trips to the RE to have her blood and ovaries monitored. During the suppression phase, she had to go in once or twice for blood tests. The stim portion of the cycle lasted about 10 days, and she had to go in probably 4 times for that. Meanwhile, I had to make a few trips to have my uterine lining monitored. I was with her for the ER, and the ET took place 5 days later.

I'm happy to answer any questions you have.

Best,
Kat

AgRed · 07-10-2008, 07:12 AM

Again, thank you so much for all the info. I've got another question....

Money. How did everything break out and how did you handle compensating your cousin? I have yet to call my DE coordinator, just because I have not made the final decision yet (very close though), am going thru all the questions in my head before moving forward. But, was hoping that they could treat her the same as an anonymous donor. We would pay her the same (even though she wants nothing!!), and everything could be handled thru the office.

How did you handle all of this, and did you get an attorney to handle certain things? I am clueless and wondering how much is necessary?

THANKS!!!
Cassy

07-10-2008, 09:58 AM

Hey Cassy!

We didn't use an attorney at all. I told her we wanted to give her some kind of gift in return for what she was giving us. She and her DH were struggling financially, and so she figured that money would be helpful. It was kind of awkward, but in the end we both felt good about it. She helped us, and we helped her.

I would venture to advise you, because your prospective donor is a friend, that it's best to handle it between yourselves. It may wind up that she doesn't want anything -- you wouldn't want to put her in a position where she felt like she was selling her eggs. But on the other hand, you might want very much to reciprocate in some way, and discussing that that with her one-on-one, between friends, might be best.

K

AgRed · 07-10-2008, 10:35 AM

I am SOOOOO glad you replied! It is GREAT to find someone who is going thru this already (I do hope that you had someone that could help answer your questions they way you have for me).

You feel like you are going thru something like this blind. When there is no one around you that has ever been thru it, there is always the fear of the unknown. Which makes the decision to use an ED that much harder.

We are pretty much in the same scenario. My friend wants nothing, but she and her husband are having a time with finances as well. Both my husband and I do not feel right about doing this unless we can give her something that will make her life easier, just the way she is willing to give us something that will fill our lives with much happiness. That being said, I know that if this works we will never be able to repay her!! But, if we can do something to make things easier for them, then we would feel better about it!!!

Thanks again for all the info, I know I will have more questions shortly!! You've been great!!!!
Cassy

CrystalAZ · 07-10-2008, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AgRed

I think that comes from the fact that I am selecting someone that is supposed to be ME!!!

You get over this feeling really quickly. I'd say after the first + beta. LOL. I was really weirded out by the whole process (although I used an anonymous donor) but I definitely felt the baby was MINE as soon as I knew he was in there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AgRed

Here are my questions....prior to and during the process can you tell me apprx. how many Dr/Office visits you both had to make?

She went in once for a physical, once to get meds and be shown how to use them, once for an ultrasound to see how the follies were growing, and then once for ER. So four visits here. A couple more may be necessary though depending on how her follies do.

I went in twice for ultrasounds to see how my lining was doing, once for meds and med instruction, and ET. And of course, beta and ultrasounds after the procedure. I also did acupuncture, so I had 5 or 6 visits for that.

This sounds great for you and it sounds like a great friend!

The main things your friend should know (the negative parts) are that she has to give herself shots in the stomach for a couple weeks and take other meds that will whack her out, give hot flashes, give headaches, etc. and also that there is a risk of hyperstimulation, which can cause pain and in severe cases could require hospitalization. It isn't common, but it is a risk.

I look forward to watching you go through this. I promise all the weird feelings you have about it will vanish when it is successful!

Crystal

CrystalAZ · 07-10-2008, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AgRed

My friend wants nothing, but she and her husband are having a time with finances as well. Both my husband and I do not feel right about doing this unless we can give her something that will make her life easier, just the way she is willing to give us something that will fill our lives with much happiness.

Just for informational purposes, the fee to an egg donor is typically $3000 - $5000. I know your friend isn't asking for anything, but thought I'd let you know! If nothing else, maybe she'll be highly successful at producing eggs and will decide to be an anonymous egg donor for another couple.

Crystal

AgRed · 07-10-2008, 10:47 AM

Crystal,
Thank you too for all the info. You guys are really making me feel better about all of this!!! My Dr's office increased their compensation to donors within the last few months to $5000. Both my husband and I want to go that amount (or more if necessary). Anything that would make their life easier would really satisfy my husband and I!

Shots don't phase her. Being raised on a cattle farm makes stuff like that easier I guess. Wish I were less scared of needles!!!!! Ha ha ha

She has 2 children (a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old), both conceived on 1 try. She herself is a twin. Her sister has 2 children with 1 on the way.

Will keep you guys posted.
Thanks Again!!!!
Cassy

07-08-2008, 09:06 AM	#1 (permalink)
AgRed 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 36	Anyone used a Known Egg Donor Hi All. Was hoping to find someone who has used a known egg donor. Have a few questions if there is anyone out there who has used a friend or relative as an egg donor. Thanks AgRed

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07-08-2008, 02:15 PM	#2 (permalink)
hoping2bmamaKat Guest Location: NY, US Posts: n/a Blog Entries: 37	Yes, hello AgRed, a cousin donated for me. Here's how it happened: When I knew I needed DE, I wrote a letter to my younger female cousins. It took me weeks to compose it. In the letter, I told them all about our efforts to conceive and the decision to go with DE, I explained how it works - just briefly, and the reasons why I hoped a relative might donate. I also explained that an agency donor would be a fine option for me as well; that I had even picked some out that I liked (which was true -- as a back-up plan). I told them that DE is a lot to go through and that I would understand if it wasn't the right thing for them, and asked them to let me know if they wanted to talk about it further. Well, two of the three cousins wanted to do it. But one had just gotten pregnant, and so the other one decided to go for it. SHe was a bit older than the ideal but has a small child, and her twin sistaer was the one who was pregnant, so we thogught those were good indicators of fertility. PLus she's a great communicator, which made the process so much easier! We took it one step at a time. Each screening test came back with encouraging results, so we went for it! We became much closer through the whole process, and once we had the logisitics squared away -- she lives in another part of the country so I had to coordinate the cycle at a clinic in her neck o' the woods -- it went perfectly. We had the help of a great team of REs and nurses, as well as a fertility counselor who helped us tremendously. Today I'm 33 weeks p/g with boy/girl twins, and we have four perfect blastocysts on ice. I'd be happy to answer any questions you might have! Best, Kat

07-09-2008, 08:06 AM	#3 (permalink)
AgRed 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 36	THANK YOU KAT!!!! We've been struggling with the DE option for a while. I go back ad forth, but knowing this is my only option...I have to come to terms with it. Both my husband and I have trouble with the thought of selecting an anonymous donor. Feels like going in Wal-Mart to select something off the shelf (blue eyes or brown, blonde hair or brown (hard to come by my red hair), etc, etc....). My best friend has told me from the beginning that she would do it. Just could never manage to think about it until now. Knowing she's agreed to do it and has no doubts about it is comforting. My husband gave an immediate YES. I just keep coming up with minor things that worry me. I think that comes from the fact that I am selecting someone that is supposed to be ME!!! She lives 1.5 hr West of STL and We live 2.5 hr South of STL. She still has no problem with making the trips to STL to do this (which blows my mind honestly!!)!! But, that's what friends are for huh? And, I couldn't pick a better person for the "job." She is also a twin, like your cousin, and has 2 children....pregnant after the first shot both times. Her sister was the same with 3 children. I keep sending her info as if I am trying to convince her to do it....which is insane because it doesn't phase her...she wants to do it. I just want to be sure she knows everything, I don't want her to commit to anything without knowing ALL the details! Here are my questions....prior to and during the process can you tell me apprx. how many Dr/Office visits you both had to make? Thank you so much for replying to me. This is just the first of many questions I have for you.

07-10-2008, 04:52 AM	#4 (permalink)
hoping2bmamaKat Guest Location: NY, US Posts: n/a Blog Entries: 37	Hi again AgRed! Your friend sounds like an amazing person who really loves you! Before starting our cycle, my beau & I met with the RE and the donor coordinator once for a consultation and to sign papers, etc. Afterward, my cousin met with the RE and donor coordinator as well to discuss the whole process and to get screened -- blood tests, ultrasound exam of ovaries, etc. My DP & I were required to meet with a fertility counselor, and my cousin and her DH also met with the same fertility counselor -- this to ensure that we had all discussed the relationships involved, the issue of disclosure, and how we will handle things in the future. During the process, my cousin had to make several trips to the RE to have her blood and ovaries monitored. During the suppression phase, she had to go in once or twice for blood tests. The stim portion of the cycle lasted about 10 days, and she had to go in probably 4 times for that. Meanwhile, I had to make a few trips to have my uterine lining monitored. I was with her for the ER, and the ET took place 5 days later. I'm happy to answer any questions you have. Best, Kat

07-10-2008, 07:12 AM	#5 (permalink)
AgRed 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 36	Again, thank you so much for all the info. I've got another question.... Money. How did everything break out and how did you handle compensating your cousin? I have yet to call my DE coordinator, just because I have not made the final decision yet (very close though), am going thru all the questions in my head before moving forward. But, was hoping that they could treat her the same as an anonymous donor. We would pay her the same (even though she wants nothing!!), and everything could be handled thru the office. How did you handle all of this, and did you get an attorney to handle certain things? I am clueless and wondering how much is necessary? THANKS!!! Cassy

07-10-2008, 09:58 AM	#6 (permalink)
hoping2bmamaKat Guest Location: NY, US Posts: n/a Blog Entries: 37	Hey Cassy! We didn't use an attorney at all. I told her we wanted to give her some kind of gift in return for what she was giving us. She and her DH were struggling financially, and so she figured that money would be helpful. It was kind of awkward, but in the end we both felt good about it. She helped us, and we helped her. I would venture to advise you, because your prospective donor is a friend, that it's best to handle it between yourselves. It may wind up that she doesn't want anything -- you wouldn't want to put her in a position where she felt like she was selling her eggs. But on the other hand, you might want very much to reciprocate in some way, and discussing that that with her one-on-one, between friends, might be best. K

07-10-2008, 10:35 AM	#7 (permalink)
AgRed 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 36	I am SOOOOO glad you replied! It is GREAT to find someone who is going thru this already (I do hope that you had someone that could help answer your questions they way you have for me). You feel like you are going thru something like this blind. When there is no one around you that has ever been thru it, there is always the fear of the unknown. Which makes the decision to use an ED that much harder. We are pretty much in the same scenario. My friend wants nothing, but she and her husband are having a time with finances as well. Both my husband and I do not feel right about doing this unless we can give her something that will make her life easier, just the way she is willing to give us something that will fill our lives with much happiness. That being said, I know that if this works we will never be able to repay her!! But, if we can do something to make things easier for them, then we would feel better about it!!! Thanks again for all the info, I know I will have more questions shortly!! You've been great!!!! Cassy

07-10-2008, 10:47 AM	#10 (permalink)
AgRed 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 36	Crystal, Thank you too for all the info. You guys are really making me feel better about all of this!!! My Dr's office increased their compensation to donors within the last few months to $5000. Both my husband and I want to go that amount (or more if necessary). Anything that would make their life easier would really satisfy my husband and I! Shots don't phase her. Being raised on a cattle farm makes stuff like that easier I guess. Wish I were less scared of needles!!!!! Ha ha ha She has 2 children (a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old), both conceived on 1 try. She herself is a twin. Her sister has 2 children with 1 on the way. Will keep you guys posted. Thanks Again!!!! Cassy