I had my first donor cycle appt (child ment)

AnnMarie · 07-07-2008, 05:50 PM

Well, I had my appt. Sitting there, discussing the cycle and looking at the book, I was getting so excited...I felt so hopeful. We found four donors that we liked or that I liked. Dh was very quiet. When he stepped outside for a phone call, the nurse said it is normal for the husbands to let the wife take the lead in this part b/c they aren't able to use their own eggs. Maybe that was what he was doing or maybe he was just worrying about the money. The first donor looked kind of like Scarlett Johanson which I am not necessarily a fan but she has four girls and they look like my kids but if we choose her, this will be her 4th donor cycle so I am leaning toward no with her. The second donor looks like my sister and me combined. She has ADD and a history of hypothyroidism and is cycling right now for the first time with another couple which means we would be looking at December to do it. The third one is the one dh liked the best. She was a college basketball player and is really cute with dark blonde hair and blue eyes. Her uncle has Multiple Sclerosis (should I be worried about that?). Her baby picture looks just like my dd. She is very determined and goal oriented. She is cycling for the first time with another couple so it would be Dec for her too. The last one is the one I think I liked the best. She said she has brown hair and blue eyes but her pictures all had blonde hair (obviously she dyes it but it was hard to tell what she would look like with brown hair). Her baby pictures looked like my kids. She is as tall as me (5'2) and has similar characteristics as me. She loves to write stories, she loves kids, she is outgoing (at least I used to be until life happened). I think she has done one other cycle with someone but is not now so we could do it in October. Is it better to have someone that has done cycles before or no?

Dh and I have a lot to discuss tonight b/c I hesitate to get excited if he is not wanting to do this. I left the office I guess looking giddy b/c dh said, "You are so excited you can't even hide it." I am nervous b/c I am not the kind of person that can't tell what is going on with me and now I regret telling anyone b/c I'm not sure where I stand on the to tell or not to tell discussion. I also don't think I can go through something this big without the support of my sisters and my small network of friends. I wish I were different in that area. It would be nice to have just a part of my life private. I did tell them an option was to do a cycle with the donor and have the RE put back both my embryos and the donor ones so if it we wouldn't know for sure which one took just to give me an out. If you made it this far, thanks for listening.

cat mommy · 07-08-2008, 05:08 PM

This really is a decision that only you can make. For me, personally, it would be important that she be able to cycle right away. This might not be as important to you.

As for the multiple sclerosis, I really think you need to talk to your doc about the risks of passing it on. If the risks were high, say over 5%, then I would probably pass on that donor. Me personally, I wouldn't be bothered by the thyroid issues or ADD, because they are not that big of a deal--after all, no one is perfect. But MS is a hug deal and not something I would want to pass on to my kid.

Also, think about whether it is more important that your kids look like you or act like you. For me, personality is much more important, but, again, you may feel differently.

With a previous donor, you know how they will respond to meds. That is a good thing. But they may also be limited in how many times they can cycle for you...for me, this was a big deal because I want to have more kids with the same donor. Previous donors also usually cost more.

It sounds like you have some good choices. Good luck!!

AnnMarie · 07-08-2008, 08:26 PM

Cat, thanks so much for responding and for the advice. Never thought I'd have to make these decisions and wish I didn't feel so guilty for dragging my family into debt.

Kylie · 07-08-2008, 10:15 PM

I think I would be concerned about the donor with ADD. I would try for one with a totally clear health history. I just wouldn't knowingly pass something on to my kids if it was in my power to spare them.

07-07-2008, 05:50 PM	#1 (permalink)
AnnMarie 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Illinois Posts: 2,054 Blog Entries: 13	I had my first donor cycle appt (child ment) Well, I had my appt. Sitting there, discussing the cycle and looking at the book, I was getting so excited...I felt so hopeful. We found four donors that we liked or that I liked. Dh was very quiet. When he stepped outside for a phone call, the nurse said it is normal for the husbands to let the wife take the lead in this part b/c they aren't able to use their own eggs. Maybe that was what he was doing or maybe he was just worrying about the money. The first donor looked kind of like Scarlett Johanson which I am not necessarily a fan but she has four girls and they look like my kids but if we choose her, this will be her 4th donor cycle so I am leaning toward no with her. The second donor looks like my sister and me combined. She has ADD and a history of hypothyroidism and is cycling right now for the first time with another couple which means we would be looking at December to do it. The third one is the one dh liked the best. She was a college basketball player and is really cute with dark blonde hair and blue eyes. Her uncle has Multiple Sclerosis (should I be worried about that?). Her baby picture looks just like my dd. She is very determined and goal oriented. She is cycling for the first time with another couple so it would be Dec for her too. The last one is the one I think I liked the best. She said she has brown hair and blue eyes but her pictures all had blonde hair (obviously she dyes it but it was hard to tell what she would look like with brown hair). Her baby pictures looked like my kids. She is as tall as me (5'2) and has similar characteristics as me. She loves to write stories, she loves kids, she is outgoing (at least I used to be until life happened). I think she has done one other cycle with someone but is not now so we could do it in October. Is it better to have someone that has done cycles before or no? Dh and I have a lot to discuss tonight b/c I hesitate to get excited if he is not wanting to do this. I left the office I guess looking giddy b/c dh said, "You are so excited you can't even hide it." I am nervous b/c I am not the kind of person that can't tell what is going on with me and now I regret telling anyone b/c I'm not sure where I stand on the to tell or not to tell discussion. I also don't think I can go through something this big without the support of my sisters and my small network of friends. I wish I were different in that area. It would be nice to have just a part of my life private. I did tell them an option was to do a cycle with the donor and have the RE put back both my embryos and the donor ones so if it we wouldn't know for sure which one took just to give me an out. If you made it this far, thanks for listening.

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07-08-2008, 05:08 PM	#2 (permalink)
cat mommy 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: up North Posts: 1,018	This really is a decision that only you can make. For me, personally, it would be important that she be able to cycle right away. This might not be as important to you. As for the multiple sclerosis, I really think you need to talk to your doc about the risks of passing it on. If the risks were high, say over 5%, then I would probably pass on that donor. Me personally, I wouldn't be bothered by the thyroid issues or ADD, because they are not that big of a deal--after all, no one is perfect. But MS is a hug deal and not something I would want to pass on to my kid. Also, think about whether it is more important that your kids look like you or act like you. For me, personality is much more important, but, again, you may feel differently. With a previous donor, you know how they will respond to meds. That is a good thing. But they may also be limited in how many times they can cycle for you...for me, this was a big deal because I want to have more kids with the same donor. Previous donors also usually cost more. It sounds like you have some good choices. Good luck!!

07-08-2008, 08:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
AnnMarie 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Illinois Posts: 2,054 Blog Entries: 13	Cat, thanks so much for responding and for the advice. Never thought I'd have to make these decisions and wish I didn't feel so guilty for dragging my family into debt.