Looking for guidance l/c and loss ment

AnnMarie · 07-03-2008, 05:19 PM

Hi, I have been on FT for the last 7 years but am new to this board. My story is a really, really long one and I would be happy to share with anyone interested. The bottom line is that I have dealt with IF for 9 long years. I have two boys that have Cystic Fibrosis and have been trying for a healthy baby for the last two years. I have done IVF 4 times, 3 times with PGD. The third cycle I got pg with my son Rocco but he died when I was 22 weeks pg. That was last Dec. I am still reeling with dealing with losing him. I should have an almost 3 month old and not have to make anymore fertility decisions. In May, I cycled and it was BFN. I was devastated thinking that the dream was over. I met with RE and he said in not so many words that he will not do another cycle with my eggs. I am a poor responder and I am 38. Dh and I discussed embryo adoption and egg donor and dh would rather do egg donor. Our out of pocket expense without copays is $8,600. We have already spend $15,000 for the three PGDs. I don't know where we would come up with the money but dh said it is only money and we will find a way (though today after we got the financial clearance form, he said, "We are really hurting right now). We have an appt with the donor counsellor to look at the books and discuss how the process works. I guess I just want to hear from women that have done it. I don't even have a specific question. I just want to hear stories. Good and bad. I don't know if this is the answer to a dream come true or if I am headed down a path of more heartache. It's hard to know when it has become too much. Am I stretching my family too much to try and have a healthy baby?

Thanks for all willing to share.

07-04-2008, 03:59 AM

Hi Ann Marie -- It's heartbreaking to go through so many losses, but you are not alone. DE is a wonderful option for having a child, especially since it can, hopefully, help you avoid passing on CF. It sounds like you are taking all the right steps to educate yourself about it as you begin to consider whether it's right for you.

I went through 2 m/c in my late 30s (unplanned pg's). Then a few years later I underwent 3 IUIs and 3 IVFs at age 42-43, all of which failed, despite my good FSH and relatively high #s of eggs. In the IVF cycles, we did PGD, which revealed that virtually all my eggs were duds. I'd gone through the typical process of switching clincs/protocols, taking supplements, changing my diet, doing acupuncture, all to no avail. Enough was enough. Just the thought of getting on the rollercoaster of another failed cycle was enough to make my cry.

I had known for a while that there was a good chance my own eggs wouldn't work (though I didn't want to believe it). So between cycles I'd actually done some research into DE and adoption, so that I’d have those two possibilities in mind as a kind of emotional safety net.

Ultimately, for various reasons, we went with DE -- in my case, a younger relative donated. Emotionally, I've had to go through a few stages of mourning for my own eggs. I found that learning about the process and about the experience, and seeing a fertility counselor, really helped me to have clarity & confidence about the decision. I found "Having Your Baby Through Egg Donation" very helpful.

My relative-donor was wonderful through the whole process. Our 1st DE cycle worked, and today I'm 32 weeks p/g with boy/girl twins.

I hope that story helps you. Good luck to you & DH in your journey to have a healthy child!! You may find that there is a tremendous sense of hope once your odds of conceiving a healthy child dramatically b/c of DE, and a feeling of relief when you don't have to worry about your own eggs any more.

All best,
Kat

michu · 07-04-2008, 10:55 AM

Hi Anne Marie: I was very moved by your story and I wish the best for you. I´m from Argentina , and here the egg donation "journey" is quite different to the US, as your RE does all the arrangements for you, but the very first thing you should be certain of is that the donor IS NOT a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis gene mutations, as it seems that both of you are carriers. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine ´s guidelines recommend screening for cystic fibrosis in egg donor, among other things, but it is not an obligation, so be certain to check this out. Good luck Michu

**BC-donor** · 08-10-2008, 08:46 PM

Oh my, you've certainly been through so much!

No, I don't think that you're stretching your family too much in trying to have another baby. You have to go until you know in your heart that you've done/been through enough.

There is a wonderful support board for people who have lost a baby here. Nothing can erase the pain that you're feeling as you deal with the loss of your son Rocco, but the ladies can help you through the days.

You definitely have a good shot at being successful using DE. The fact that you've been pregnant several times before is another good thing in your favor!

I would definitely give DE a shot!!

Have you met with the donor counselor yet?

Keep us posted!

AnnMarie · 08-10-2008, 09:16 PM

I have met with the counselor and even picked out a donor but we couldn't come up with the money in time so she went back into the donor pool. We are trying to save up to do it in November but I am feeling discouraged b/c I know that with two boys that have chronic conditions, expenses always come up. I am afraid that in Nov we won't have the money again.

07-03-2008, 05:19 PM	#1 (permalink)
AnnMarie 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Illinois Posts: 2,054 Blog Entries: 13	Looking for guidance l/c and loss ment Hi, I have been on FT for the last 7 years but am new to this board. My story is a really, really long one and I would be happy to share with anyone interested. The bottom line is that I have dealt with IF for 9 long years. I have two boys that have Cystic Fibrosis and have been trying for a healthy baby for the last two years. I have done IVF 4 times, 3 times with PGD. The third cycle I got pg with my son Rocco but he died when I was 22 weeks pg. That was last Dec. I am still reeling with dealing with losing him. I should have an almost 3 month old and not have to make anymore fertility decisions. In May, I cycled and it was BFN. I was devastated thinking that the dream was over. I met with RE and he said in not so many words that he will not do another cycle with my eggs. I am a poor responder and I am 38. Dh and I discussed embryo adoption and egg donor and dh would rather do egg donor. Our out of pocket expense without copays is $8,600. We have already spend $15,000 for the three PGDs. I don't know where we would come up with the money but dh said it is only money and we will find a way (though today after we got the financial clearance form, he said, "We are really hurting right now). We have an appt with the donor counsellor to look at the books and discuss how the process works. I guess I just want to hear from women that have done it. I don't even have a specific question. I just want to hear stories. Good and bad. I don't know if this is the answer to a dream come true or if I am headed down a path of more heartache. It's hard to know when it has become too much. Am I stretching my family too much to try and have a healthy baby? Thanks for all willing to share.

07-04-2008, 03:59 AM	#2 (permalink)
hoping2bmamaKat Guest Location: NY, US Posts: n/a Blog Entries: 37	Hi Ann Marie -- It's heartbreaking to go through so many losses, but you are not alone. DE is a wonderful option for having a child, especially since it can, hopefully, help you avoid passing on CF. It sounds like you are taking all the right steps to educate yourself about it as you begin to consider whether it's right for you. I went through 2 m/c in my late 30s (unplanned pg's). Then a few years later I underwent 3 IUIs and 3 IVFs at age 42-43, all of which failed, despite my good FSH and relatively high #s of eggs. In the IVF cycles, we did PGD, which revealed that virtually all my eggs were duds. I'd gone through the typical process of switching clincs/protocols, taking supplements, changing my diet, doing acupuncture, all to no avail. Enough was enough. Just the thought of getting on the rollercoaster of another failed cycle was enough to make my cry. I had known for a while that there was a good chance my own eggs wouldn't work (though I didn't want to believe it). So between cycles I'd actually done some research into DE and adoption, so that I’d have those two possibilities in mind as a kind of emotional safety net. Ultimately, for various reasons, we went with DE -- in my case, a younger relative donated. Emotionally, I've had to go through a few stages of mourning for my own eggs. I found that learning about the process and about the experience, and seeing a fertility counselor, really helped me to have clarity & confidence about the decision. I found "Having Your Baby Through Egg Donation" very helpful. My relative-donor was wonderful through the whole process. Our 1st DE cycle worked, and today I'm 32 weeks p/g with boy/girl twins. I hope that story helps you. Good luck to you & DH in your journey to have a healthy child!! You may find that there is a tremendous sense of hope once your odds of conceiving a healthy child dramatically b/c of DE, and a feeling of relief when you don't have to worry about your own eggs any more. All best, Kat Last edited by hoping2bmamaKat; 07-04-2008 at 09:52 AM.

07-04-2008, 10:55 AM	#3 (permalink)
michu Registered User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 2	Looking for guidance l/c and loss ment Hi Anne Marie: I was very moved by your story and I wish the best for you. I´m from Argentina , and here the egg donation "journey" is quite different to the US, as your RE does all the arrangements for you, but the very first thing you should be certain of is that the donor IS NOT a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis gene mutations, as it seems that both of you are carriers. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine ´s guidelines recommend screening for cystic fibrosis in egg donor, among other things, but it is not an obligation, so be certain to check this out. Good luck Michu

08-10-2008, 08:46 PM	#4 (permalink)
BC-donor 500-599 post 7 of hearts Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 587	Oh my, you've certainly been through so much! No, I don't think that you're stretching your family too much in trying to have another baby. You have to go until you know in your heart that you've done/been through enough. There is a wonderful support board for people who have lost a baby here. Nothing can erase the pain that you're feeling as you deal with the loss of your son Rocco, but the ladies can help you through the days. You definitely have a good shot at being successful using DE. The fact that you've been pregnant several times before is another good thing in your favor! I would definitely give DE a shot!! Have you met with the donor counselor yet? Keep us posted! __________________ Multiple DE cycles, finally successful

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08-10-2008, 09:16 PM	#5 (permalink)
AnnMarie 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Illinois Posts: 2,054 Blog Entries: 13	I have met with the counselor and even picked out a donor but we couldn't come up with the money in time so she went back into the donor pool. We are trying to save up to do it in November but I am feeling discouraged b/c I know that with two boys that have chronic conditions, expenses always come up. I am afraid that in Nov we won't have the money again.