Not sure about a donor

cat mommy · 06-07-2008, 03:01 PM

We are probably going to be moving on to ED after I get the BFN from my current cycle. I found an egg donor I really like--she has all the characteristics that I was looking for in terms of looks, personality, athletic ability and scholastic ability. However, I then found out she's bisexual. I know that this shouldn't bother me, but for some unexplained reason it does. Is she were a lesbian, it wouldn't bother me one bit. So I can't articulate why this does bother me. Does anyone have any tips as to whether I can move beyond this or if I should look for another donor? This woman really is the perfect genetic fit for my family.

rjc0704 · 06-08-2008, 02:58 PM

Cat -
DE selection is really a personal decision and I admit, I would feel the same as you. I can't really offer any advice other than don't rush into anything you aren't comfortable with 100%

Patience isn't a virtue and I'm really, really axious to get moving with DE IVF, but I've learned from many people here, hold out for a donor you are completly comfortable with. My search has been a little frustrating b/c my clinic limits access to view profiles/reserve donors 2wks at a time. But I am determined not to rush it and hold out for someone we totally love and will have no second thoughts about.

You don't want to wonder What if, or think about who else out there you may have missed who you may have wanted more. So be sure it is completely what you want (to the point of total excitement) and then you won't have those lingering thoughts.

Best wishes in your decision.

Rhonda

cat mommy · 06-08-2008, 03:44 PM

Thanks Rhonda!! I think the reason this bothers me is that I am concerned she may have had sex with some bisexual men, who would be at high risk for AIDS and other diseases. Given this, I think I will pass on this donor.

Deneice2004 · 06-13-2008, 09:10 AM

Definately dont go with a donor that you have ANY reservations about. You need to feel all around comfrotable. Good luck in your search!

cs1984cs · 06-16-2008, 02:18 PM

Donors are tested and frankly, either way, this type of testing may result negative for months before it actually shows up in an infected person with HIV as far as I know.

Besides, even an heterosexual donor can be at risk... what if she didn't know she had sex with a bisexual man or a lesbian or an hetero that has it b/c of blood transfusion or sex or whatever ... and on ... I'm sure I could come up with many scenari ...

We had a couple of donors with issues that were caught by testing so if it's a decease issue, you really can never truly be 100% sure imo; so really it's up to your comfort level to say if you need to move on or not. Ditto with the moral issue, move on now if you're not comfy with the idea.

You will chew it over and over later on if you have any doubt.

Good luck

Quote:

Originally Posted by cat mommy

Thanks Rhonda!! I think the reason this bothers me is that I am concerned she may have had sex with some bisexual men, who would be at high risk for AIDS and other diseases. Given this, I think I will pass on this donor.

**BC-donor** · 06-24-2008, 09:04 PM

Honestly, I wouldn't go with a donor who was gay/bisexual. It's against my morals & beliefs & I could never feel comfortable about using someone like that.

If you have ANY, and I mean ANY doubts about a donor, then you need to just move right along & find the next perfect donor. You can't take a chance on using someone & then later possibly having any regrets. As you know, this is a lifelong decision, so you must be sure that you're 100% comfortable with the person you choose.

Good luck!

hanna1 · 08-25-2008, 08:07 PM

Ditto what BC says, but if sh'es in college, or just out, being "bi" is the new, cool thing to do.

06-07-2008, 03:01 PM	#1 (permalink)
cat mommy 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: up North Posts: 1,018	Not sure about a donor We are probably going to be moving on to ED after I get the BFN from my current cycle. I found an egg donor I really like--she has all the characteristics that I was looking for in terms of looks, personality, athletic ability and scholastic ability. However, I then found out she's bisexual. I know that this shouldn't bother me, but for some unexplained reason it does. Is she were a lesbian, it wouldn't bother me one bit. So I can't articulate why this does bother me. Does anyone have any tips as to whether I can move beyond this or if I should look for another donor? This woman really is the perfect genetic fit for my family.

06-13-2008, 09:10 AM	#4 (permalink)
Deneice2004 100-199 post 3 of hearts Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Mississippi Posts: 143	Definately dont go with a donor that you have ANY reservations about. You need to feel all around comfrotable. Good luck in your search! __________________ TTC #1 since 08/2007 IUI #1 BFN IUI #2 BFN IVF #1 BFP - Miscarried IUI #3 BFP - Miscarried IUI #4 BFN Taking a break for Egg Donation #6 http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1ac30a

06-24-2008, 09:04 PM	#6 (permalink)
BC-donor 500-599 post 7 of hearts Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 587	Honestly, I wouldn't go with a donor who was gay/bisexual. It's against my morals & beliefs & I could never feel comfortable about using someone like that. If you have ANY, and I mean ANY doubts about a donor, then you need to just move right along & find the next perfect donor. You can't take a chance on using someone & then later possibly having any regrets. As you know, this is a lifelong decision, so you must be sure that you're 100% comfortable with the person you choose. Good luck! __________________ Multiple DE cycles, finally successful

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06-08-2008, 02:58 PM	#2 (permalink)
rjc0704 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Madison, CT Posts: 1,037	Cat - DE selection is really a personal decision and I admit, I would feel the same as you. I can't really offer any advice other than don't rush into anything you aren't comfortable with 100% Patience isn't a virtue and I'm really, really axious to get moving with DE IVF, but I've learned from many people here, hold out for a donor you are completly comfortable with. My search has been a little frustrating b/c my clinic limits access to view profiles/reserve donors 2wks at a time. But I am determined not to rush it and hold out for someone we totally love and will have no second thoughts about. You don't want to wonder What if, or think about who else out there you may have missed who you may have wanted more. So be sure it is completely what you want (to the point of total excitement) and then you won't have those lingering thoughts. Best wishes in your decision. Rhonda

06-08-2008, 03:44 PM	#3 (permalink)
cat mommy 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: up North Posts: 1,018	Thanks Rhonda!! I think the reason this bothers me is that I am concerned she may have had sex with some bisexual men, who would be at high risk for AIDS and other diseases. Given this, I think I will pass on this donor.

08-25-2008, 08:07 PM	#7 (permalink)
hanna1 Registered User Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: new york Posts: 374	Ditto what BC says, but if sh'es in college, or just out, being "bi" is the new, cool thing to do.