Help with donor and coping

falcon103 · 06-06-2008, 05:52 PM

I normally don't post very often. My DH and I have been ttc for about 3yrs with no luck. We have decided to use DE and ivf. I am 38 soon to be 39 next month. I will start birth control pills on this Sunday, and Lu pron in about two weeks and other drugs soon there after. I am very scared and sad at the same time. I feel sad because I know I will not have a child that will have my DNA. We will complete the Ivf cycle by July. I really need support with this issue. I have been snapping at my DH for no apparent reason. Is it okay to start birth control without having af? Af is due to start on Sunday, but I suppose to start the pills this Sunday. I may have to take the pills two months without having af. It this safe? I also have an issue with fibroids, but I had the procedure to correct this problem last October. Thanks for your help. I hope I put this thread in the right place.

msshino · 06-06-2008, 06:38 PM

Hi there,

I can understand you wanting to have children with your DNA. I too felt that way when my first RE said that I had to use donor eggs. I went to another RE and he said the complete opposite. So now I am with this new RE and he is putting me on 75mg of DHEA for 2 months before another IVF. DHEA and embryo quality and number has been studies and there are huge improvements that have had difficulty.

I know this is something you may not want to hear but I think there is still a chance for you. have you talked to your RE about DHEA? If I have offended you in anyway, I apologize. I only wish you and your DH all the happiness.

Shino

cs1984cs · 06-06-2008, 08:40 PM

You're going through what most of us have gone through in terms of feelings. I had to come to terms with those emotions before I started the process of looking for an ED and it took several months.

Here is a book that a lot of us have read that helps sorting things out: Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates by Dr. Diane Ehrensaft

Good Luck

falcon103 · 06-07-2008, 05:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by msshino

Hi there,

I can understand you wanting to have children with your DNA. I too felt that way when my first RE said that I had to use donor eggs. I went to another RE and he said the complete opposite. So now I am with this new RE and he is putting me on 75mg of DHEA for 2 months before another IVF. DHEA and embryo quality and number has been studies and there are huge improvements that have had difficulty.

I know this is something you may not want to hear but I think there is still a chance for you. have you talked to your RE about DHEA? If I have offended you in anyway, I apologize. I only wish you and your DH all the happiness.

Shino

What is DHEA? Thanks for your help.

falcon103 · 06-07-2008, 05:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cs1984cs

You're going through what most of us have gone through in terms of feelings. I had to come to terms with those emotions before I started the process of looking for an ED and it took several months.

Here is a book that a lot of us have read that helps sorting things out: Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates by Dr. Diane Ehrensaft

Good Luck

Thanks for your support. This board really helps me to cope with this difficult situation.

06-07-2008, 06:01 AM

Hey Falcon --
Does your clinic have a fertility counselor? If so, I'd recommend you have an appt. with him or her. DH & I had one who really helped us to work through each step in our DE process, and I'm happy to say that I feel great about our decision and how everything is working out.

If you are transitioning to DE, it should be YOUR decision, and your process, not something imposed on you by anyone else.

Another good book is "Having your Baby though Egg Donation."

http://www.amazon.com/Having-Your-Ba.../dp/0944934323

Keep us posted, okay?

Best,
Kat

cs1984cs · 06-07-2008, 08:08 AM

FYI

Having your Baby though Egg Donation is more about the mechanics of making the decision of using ED.

Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates is more about the emotional aspect of donation for couples and children. If you've already made the decision to go through with ED, this one may be more appropriate.

Here is a link about more books etc http://www3.fertilethoughts.com/foru...d.php?t=455542

TreeHugger · 06-09-2008, 02:40 PM

Hi, there. I can totally relate to your feelings. It took me more than a year to grieve and come to terms with using DE. I am amazed by what the passage of time does. In the beginning, I didn't even want to hear the phrase "synchronizing cycles." It just killed me. But, in the meantime, we had yet another BFN with my eggs, and I'm just looking forward to actually having a chance at getting pg this time, using DE. Oh, I'm 38 too ... it seems young, doesn't it.

Best wishes to you and DH through this process. I hope you feel peace in whatever decisions you make. And of course I hope your TTC journey ends with a BFP!!!! I hope you keep us updated.

Jennifer

**BC-donor** · 06-09-2008, 08:02 PM

falcon, I promise you that everything that you're feeling right now is perfectly normal. We all grieve the loss of that genetic connection when we first realize that DE may be our only hope of getting pregnant.

It took us a very long time to come to terms with what we had to do, but I can tell you that once we finally made the decision, we were very excited. (remember though, it took us 6 years to come to terms with using DE) Honestly, once you're pregnant, it won't matter at all to you where those eggs came from. There have even been studies done that showed that it is the mother (YOU) who brings out which traits & characteristics in the baby as he/she is forming inside of you. So, even though the DNA may not be yours, there will be things that you'll see in your child/children that are just like you!! YOU will be the one to bond with the baby. YOUR heart beat is going to be what that little one hears for many months as it's tucked safely away under your heart.

I know how difficult it is right now for you, but hang in there. I promise that once you're holding that precious little baby in your arms (and even before then), it won't make one bit of difference how he/she came to be in the beginning. I NEVER think about having used DE to have my kids, unless I'm here talking to someone about it. Otherwise, I see sooooo much of myself in them & one of them even looks like me! No one has a clue that we used DE!

Hang in there & remember that you've always got us to lean on for support while you go through this time!! We'll be here to cheer you on as you cycle, so don't forget to update us!

falcon103 · 06-10-2008, 04:19 PM

Thank you all for your support. I found out yesterday that I am not a good candidate for DE after all. I had a procedure recently to treat fibroids, and the doctor would prefer that I used DE with a surrogate. It is so expensive. Does anyone have any advice?

06-06-2008, 05:52 PM	#1 (permalink)
falcon103 Registered User Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: georgia Posts: 13	Help with donor and coping I normally don't post very often. My DH and I have been ttc for about 3yrs with no luck. We have decided to use DE and ivf. I am 38 soon to be 39 next month. I will start birth control pills on this Sunday, and Lu pron in about two weeks and other drugs soon there after. I am very scared and sad at the same time. I feel sad because I know I will not have a child that will have my DNA. We will complete the Ivf cycle by July. I really need support with this issue. I have been snapping at my DH for no apparent reason. Is it okay to start birth control without having af? Af is due to start on Sunday, but I suppose to start the pills this Sunday. I may have to take the pills two months without having af. It this safe? I also have an issue with fibroids, but I had the procedure to correct this problem last October. Thanks for your help. I hope I put this thread in the right place.

06-09-2008, 08:02 PM	#9 (permalink)
BC-donor 500-599 post 7 of hearts Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 587	*children ment* falcon, I promise you that everything that you're feeling right now is perfectly normal. We all grieve the loss of that genetic connection when we first realize that DE may be our only hope of getting pregnant. It took us a very long time to come to terms with what we had to do, but I can tell you that once we finally made the decision, we were very excited. (remember though, it took us 6 years to come to terms with using DE) Honestly, once you're pregnant, it won't matter at all to you where those eggs came from. There have even been studies done that showed that it is the mother (YOU) who brings out which traits & characteristics in the baby as he/she is forming inside of you. So, even though the DNA may not be yours, there will be things that you'll see in your child/children that are just like you!! YOU will be the one to bond with the baby. YOUR heart beat is going to be what that little one hears for many months as it's tucked safely away under your heart. I know how difficult it is right now for you, but hang in there. I promise that once you're holding that precious little baby in your arms (and even before then), it won't make one bit of difference how he/she came to be in the beginning. I NEVER think about having used DE to have my kids, unless I'm here talking to someone about it. Otherwise, I see sooooo much of myself in them & one of them even looks like me! No one has a clue that we used DE! Hang in there & remember that you've always got us to lean on for support while you go through this time!! We'll be here to cheer you on as you cycle, so don't forget to update us! __________________ Multiple DE cycles, finally successful

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06-06-2008, 06:38 PM	#2 (permalink)
msshino 200-299 post 4 of hearts Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Colorado Posts: 286	Hi there, I can understand you wanting to have children with your DNA. I too felt that way when my first RE said that I had to use donor eggs. I went to another RE and he said the complete opposite. So now I am with this new RE and he is putting me on 75mg of DHEA for 2 months before another IVF. DHEA and embryo quality and number has been studies and there are huge improvements that have had difficulty. I know this is something you may not want to hear but I think there is still a chance for you. have you talked to your RE about DHEA? If I have offended you in anyway, I apologize. I only wish you and your DH all the happiness. Shino

06-06-2008, 08:40 PM	#3 (permalink)
cs1984cs Registered User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 2,198	You're going through what most of us have gone through in terms of feelings. I had to come to terms with those emotions before I started the process of looking for an ED and it took several months. Here is a book that a lot of us have read that helps sorting things out: Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates by Dr. Diane Ehrensaft Good Luck

06-07-2008, 06:01 AM	#6 (permalink)
hoping2bmamaKat Guest Location: NY, US Posts: n/a Blog Entries: 37	Hey Falcon -- Does your clinic have a fertility counselor? If so, I'd recommend you have an appt. with him or her. DH & I had one who really helped us to work through each step in our DE process, and I'm happy to say that I feel great about our decision and how everything is working out. If you are transitioning to DE, it should be YOUR decision, and your process, not something imposed on you by anyone else. Another good book is "Having your Baby though Egg Donation." http://www.amazon.com/Having-Your-Ba.../dp/0944934323 Keep us posted, okay? Best, Kat

06-07-2008, 08:08 AM	#7 (permalink)
cs1984cs Registered User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 2,198	FYI Having your Baby though Egg Donation is more about the mechanics of making the decision of using ED. Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates is more about the emotional aspect of donation for couples and children. If you've already made the decision to go through with ED, this one may be more appropriate. Here is a link about more books etc http://www3.fertilethoughts.com/foru...d.php?t=455542

06-09-2008, 02:40 PM	#8 (permalink)
TreeHugger 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 1,328	Hi, there. I can totally relate to your feelings. It took me more than a year to grieve and come to terms with using DE. I am amazed by what the passage of time does. In the beginning, I didn't even want to hear the phrase "synchronizing cycles." It just killed me. But, in the meantime, we had yet another BFN with my eggs, and I'm just looking forward to actually having a chance at getting pg this time, using DE. Oh, I'm 38 too ... it seems young, doesn't it. Best wishes to you and DH through this process. I hope you feel peace in whatever decisions you make. And of course I hope your TTC journey ends with a BFP!!!! I hope you keep us updated. Jennifer

06-10-2008, 04:19 PM	#10 (permalink)
falcon103 Registered User Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: georgia Posts: 13	Thank you all for your support. I found out yesterday that I am not a good candidate for DE after all. I had a procedure recently to treat fibroids, and the doctor would prefer that I used DE with a surrogate. It is so expensive. Does anyone have any advice?