Using a cousin for donor sperm?

LMKH · 06-02-2008, 09:56 AM

I know this sounds bizarre, so bear with me on this one. I am basically okay with going with a sperm bank. But, I have wondered if it would be awful of me to ask a particular distant cousin, whom I really cared about growing up and is a good guy, but we live on opposite ends of the country now, to be the donor. I thought it might be nice to have someone that I seriously do know a fair amount about..more than I would with a sperm bank donor.

I would prefer to have him as the donor, but am worried if I asked and he said no, then I would be very embarrassed to always know he knows that I once asked. Also, he is the God parent to one of my children.

MaggieMay · 06-03-2008, 11:03 AM

Known donor sperm could raise a lot of legal issues, even with an attorney and the proper "contracts". How does your DH feel about it? Also, NOT knowing the donor that created the other biological half of you child makes it a lot easier to forget that your DH isn't the biological father.

06-14-2008, 09:50 AM

If your cousin is really distant, like a 2nd or 3rd cousin, there might not be a problem, but you should talk to a genetic counselor. Also, a fertility cousnelor can help you think through other aspects of the decision.
My egg donor -- who made it possible for me to be carrying twins right now -- is a 1st cousin of mine and I'm delighted about it. She'll always be an extra special cousin to me and to the kids. And when I decided to do DE I knew that I wanted the children to be able to know the donor in some capacity; if she is a member of the family already, I figure that will make things easier on everyone.
But every situation is unique!
Best wishes to you,
Kat

cat mommy · 07-03-2008, 04:59 PM

If you are using your own eggs and this cousin is biologically related to you, then it is a bad idea. The risk of birth defects and other problems is higher when gametes form the same family are used.

MaggieMay · 07-23-2008, 11:34 AM

How's everyone doing? LMKH - were you able to reach a decision?

**BC-donor** · 07-23-2008, 09:02 PM

Personally, I wouldn't do it. First off, I would leary of any complications with him being a cousin. Second, if he said no, it would make for a very uncomfortable situation in the future, not to mention that he'd always look at your child & know what you did. If you're telling everyone that you used ds, then it's not a big deal, but if you weren't planning on telling people, that would be quite awkward, I think.

Good luck!!

06-02-2008, 09:56 AM	#1 (permalink)
LMKH 200-299 post 4 of hearts Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Flower Mound, TX Posts: 260	Using a cousin for donor sperm? I know this sounds bizarre, so bear with me on this one. I am basically okay with going with a sperm bank. But, I have wondered if it would be awful of me to ask a particular distant cousin, whom I really cared about growing up and is a good guy, but we live on opposite ends of the country now, to be the donor. I thought it might be nice to have someone that I seriously do know a fair amount about..more than I would with a sperm bank donor. I would prefer to have him as the donor, but am worried if I asked and he said no, then I would be very embarrassed to always know he knows that I once asked. Also, he is the God parent to one of my children.

07-23-2008, 11:34 AM	#5 (permalink)
MaggieMay Registered User Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Middle Georgia Posts: 586	How's everyone doing? LMKH - were you able to reach a decision? Last edited by BC-donor; 07-23-2008 at 09:00 PM.

07-23-2008, 09:02 PM	#6 (permalink)
BC-donor 500-599 post 7 of hearts Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 587	Personally, I wouldn't do it. First off, I would leary of any complications with him being a cousin. Second, if he said no, it would make for a very uncomfortable situation in the future, not to mention that he'd always look at your child & know what you did. If you're telling everyone that you used ds, then it's not a big deal, but if you weren't planning on telling people, that would be quite awkward, I think. Good luck!! __________________ Multiple DE cycles, finally successful

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06-03-2008, 11:03 AM	#2 (permalink)
MaggieMay Registered User Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Middle Georgia Posts: 586	Known donor sperm could raise a lot of legal issues, even with an attorney and the proper "contracts". How does your DH feel about it? Also, NOT knowing the donor that created the other biological half of you child makes it a lot easier to forget that your DH isn't the biological father.

06-14-2008, 09:50 AM	#3 (permalink)
hoping2bmamaKat Guest Location: NY, US Posts: n/a Blog Entries: 37	If your cousin is really distant, like a 2nd or 3rd cousin, there might not be a problem, but you should talk to a genetic counselor. Also, a fertility cousnelor can help you think through other aspects of the decision. My egg donor -- who made it possible for me to be carrying twins right now -- is a 1st cousin of mine and I'm delighted about it. She'll always be an extra special cousin to me and to the kids. And when I decided to do DE I knew that I wanted the children to be able to know the donor in some capacity; if she is a member of the family already, I figure that will make things easier on everyone. But every situation is unique! Best wishes to you, Kat

07-03-2008, 04:59 PM	#4 (permalink)
cat mommy 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: up North Posts: 1,018	If you are using your own eggs and this cousin is biologically related to you, then it is a bad idea. The risk of birth defects and other problems is higher when gametes form the same family are used.