Using donor sperm with no male factors on husband?

[LMKH]

My dh has a pretty strong family history of certain genetic medical problems. We still moved forward with having children as we figured that the children get half my genes anyway and no matter how healthy a couple is, there is always a risk of passing down anything. We figured the risk was not big enough to worry about basically.

Well now, dh has suggested we use donor sperm. He lost his brother a couple of years ago and had already lost his mother when he was a baby. These are things that are wrong that you generally do not find out you have until older. DH has suggested that with donor sperm, maybe the children would be happier and healthier, etc. But his real issue is, I think, possibly that he hates having to go in and give his donation when we do the IUI. He has said it is humiliating and that he thinks he has faulty sperm anyway and so on. (he does have low morphology on the percent, but he has a high sperm count so it all works out).

I am starting to wonder if dh is right. If maybe we should consider donor sperm and remove the risk of the next baby turning older and becoming sick. His mother died because of a combo of 2 major genetic illnesses and his brother died from just the one. The one his brother died of, dh has, just much more mild, and dh has much better control of it. But it is not something pleasant to have. (the disorders are Epilepsy and bipolar...DH's mother had both and failed to take her meds for the Epilepsy during a depressive phase and as a result, had a seizure and died. DH's brother committed suicide. DH has bipolar, but it is mild enough that he can take basic control of it, but he hates the depressive times, but he does very well in his career and makes good money and gets by much better than his mother or brother, now our first born is 13 and having to start seeing a doctor for depressive issues. the concern is that this is being passed down from dh's family)

SO...under these circumstances...would you consider donor sperm?

Thanks in advance for your nonjudgemental help.

[fetch]

Hi LMKH,

Under those circumstances, yes, I would consider donor sperm.

For our situation my DH has azoopermia, so it wasn't much of a choice to use ds, however, our RE at the time said ICSI may be an option.
DH has unexplained severe male factor and we were told there is a possibility of passing infertility to any male children we have, so, that alone was enough for us to consider donor. There were some other reasons of course, but in your situation, I think you have more than enough reasons to consider it, especially, if your children do inherit those conditions that you might not know until they're older.

That is just my opinion, but from what you explained, yes, I would research more into using donor.

[LMKH]

I should add that we have 2 sons with borderline autism (PDD-NOS) and current research is starting to show a connection between that and bipolar and because DH does have mild bipolar (which may just be luck that it is mild as it was pretty heavy with DH's brother) it could be caused by those genetics.

Anyway, raising 2 children with this, I love them so much. I have been told gender selection could prevent PDD-NOS from repeating as it is a high percentage in boys over girls. But bipolar can happen to both genders. I really wonder what it would be like to just have a healthy child.

[Elann]

We used donor sperm becaues we had to - DH does not even make sperm. He also has Bipolor and like your DH it is a relatively mild case. That being said - my DH said to me tonight that he is happy we used donor because he doesn't worry that she will get the Bipolor.

So, yes, I would definately consider it.

[BC-MAV]

Sure I would use donor under those circumstances. And even if there is no male factor, if things weren't working out, I'd do donor just to "change" the variables. One RE said there are 3 variables: uterus, sperm, eggs and if one isn't working then you change one. I thought it was kind of abrubt but it is true.

[april&tom]

LMKH - I understand your dilemma; I love my DH for many reasons – his drive, his personality… Sadly, his genes aren’t that great – notably, high levels of addiction (Drugs/Drink/Food). We have decided to go with DS due to his genetic brittle bone disease (50% chance). But, to be honest – though I love his family – I wouldn’t want their genes!! I’ve never told DH that, so I commend your husband for speaking up.

I think you will find many chances for non-genetic bonding. And, as I plan, YOUR child will be the product of his/her environment.

April

[MaggieMay]

I agree with every reply that has been made on this thread so far. I think it is very brave of your husband to even consider that option. It took DH and I a year to decide to use donor sperm, even though we had no other option.

Whatever your decision, I wish you the best.

[msshino]

Hi,

My husband and I decided on ds as our next option. I really think that you and your husband are making the right decision. If health related problems are a concern, ds is the way to go. I too had the choice to go with DH using ICSI or ds with our IVF and we went with DH and till this day we don't know if his sperm was good or bad genetically or if it was the eggs. So I think if you and your hubby are on the same page about DS, it's a great decision.

all the best,

Shino