New to DS and having a hard time with it...

Ogee · 05-22-2008, 06:39 AM

Good morning all....

I am new here and just found this board... It seems like a God's send that I did.

I am 38, DH is 58 we have a DD who is almost 7 who was concieved by IVF/TESE. We have tried unsuccesfuuly for the last 6 years to concieve again using what we had left from the 7 vials we took in 200 from Dh's Tese with no luck. This will be my last attempt with the last 2 vials, but the RE wants a donor as backup. On top of that my FSH number keep creaping up and I have always been a poor responder, even on very high med doses.

I can't even begin to imagine how I am going to do this.... DH really doesn't care, it's me who has the problem. How do I go from a child from both of us to one that is just mine biologicly? I have chosen a donor from Xytex (with non id release cuz i don't want to know anything about him) and I have to make a decision by this afternoon as tomorrow will be day 2 and I woill need to start for my cycle.... nothing like a lst minute decision...

Any, any help and guidance would be so much appreciated. I truely need some freinds right now who can understand what this is doing to me.

Thanks so much for listening.
Kris

CMorrison · 05-22-2008, 06:54 AM

Kris- I'm so sorry you are in so much turmoil right now but am very happy you found us. I have a DD that was conceived using donor sperm and both DH and I could not love her more. It took DH about 9 months to come to terms with the idea but in the end it really doesn't matter to him anymore because he has a wonderful baby who lights up when he enters the room because to her, he is daddy! I am in the process of trying for a 2nd using the donor and it feels strange at times but dh and I are both excited and did not hesitate to do it again. I know this is a very difficult decision to make and I really think if you are not sure it may be a good idea to wait a month or two. I'm sure like the rest of us you are anxious to get going but this is a lifelong choice. Could you go ahead and use the donor and then choose not to use the embies if you still aren't comfortable? Maybe in a few months you could do an FET with the donor embies if you are ready. Good luck with your decision and try not to get pressured into something you aren't ready for.

Ogee · 05-22-2008, 07:06 AM

Chantal,
Thank you so much for your kind words.... I had always searched for the meaning of why this happened to me.. to all of us and I always seem to come up empty handed. So having this thrown at me was no help. It was one thing to deal with the infertility inself but now to have make a choice like this and i'ts overwhelming.... and I knew it was coming. I just didn't want to deal with it at the time so I put it off, and put it off as long as I could. Which is why I need to let them now by the end of the day.... So much for a lst minute decision.

It's wonderful to know that you can look at your child love her uncondionally and know she could have a sibleing thats just like her.... but my circumstance would be a child that is mine and DH's and on the off chance that I do conceive the child would only be half related to the sibling... Can I deal with that forever? Will I favor one over the other? Will I love that child just as much? I know these as impossible questions to answer but they are the thoughts that run though my mind every 30 seconds....

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest... believe it or not just writing about is making me feel better but I still can't make a choice yet...

Now the clock is really ticking.. YUK!

4cats · 05-23-2008, 06:28 AM

I just had to buy DS also. Even if you think you're okay with it, actually buying it may still make you angry! I was in a mood over it for about a week. Giving up on havng DH biological child was, and is still very hard. I expect I'll only be okay with it if the DS IUIs work and even then not until after we see our baby.

tess1026 · 05-23-2008, 09:57 AM

Just thought I'd chime in...My dh and I have to use ds. We have a 7yr old adopted daughter. We had a different prespective as we adopted first. Our dd is ours, not out legality, not out of biological dna, but out of our love. She makes our "family" and she is the light of our life. When we decided to try dsiui, my dh said "the baby will be ours, because WE decided to bring it into our family" My DH has been amazing, our 1st iui was yesterday and he keeps calling checking on "his baby" (he's very optimistic!), I had the same hesitations using ds. By the Grace of God, my family will grow, my dd will have a sibling and my dh will be a great dad to another little one. Without the ds I can not do it. Would I rather be having a biological child with my dh - yes. Would I rather not have another child in our family because its not "ours" - absolutely not.

I hope and pray that you find peace with your decision ~
Vickie

05-22-2008, 06:39 AM	#1 (permalink)
Ogee Registered User Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Long Island, NY Posts: 2	New to DS and having a hard time with it... Good morning all.... I am new here and just found this board... It seems like a God's send that I did. I am 38, DH is 58 we have a DD who is almost 7 who was concieved by IVF/TESE. We have tried unsuccesfuuly for the last 6 years to concieve again using what we had left from the 7 vials we took in 200 from Dh's Tese with no luck. This will be my last attempt with the last 2 vials, but the RE wants a donor as backup. On top of that my FSH number keep creaping up and I have always been a poor responder, even on very high med doses. I can't even begin to imagine how I am going to do this.... DH really doesn't care, it's me who has the problem. How do I go from a child from both of us to one that is just mine biologicly? I have chosen a donor from Xytex (with non id release cuz i don't want to know anything about him) and I have to make a decision by this afternoon as tomorrow will be day 2 and I woill need to start for my cycle.... nothing like a lst minute decision... Any, any help and guidance would be so much appreciated. I truely need some freinds right now who can understand what this is doing to me. Thanks so much for listening. Kris

05-22-2008, 06:54 AM	#2 (permalink)
CMorrison 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Ontario Posts: 2,986 Blog Entries: 1	Kris- I'm so sorry you are in so much turmoil right now but am very happy you found us. I have a DD that was conceived using donor sperm and both DH and I could not love her more. It took DH about 9 months to come to terms with the idea but in the end it really doesn't matter to him anymore because he has a wonderful baby who lights up when he enters the room because to her, he is daddy! I am in the process of trying for a 2nd using the donor and it feels strange at times but dh and I are both excited and did not hesitate to do it again. I know this is a very difficult decision to make and I really think if you are not sure it may be a good idea to wait a month or two. I'm sure like the rest of us you are anxious to get going but this is a lifelong choice. Could you go ahead and use the donor and then choose not to use the embies if you still aren't comfortable? Maybe in a few months you could do an FET with the donor embies if you are ready. Good luck with your decision and try not to get pressured into something you aren't ready for. __________________ Dx: Recurrent M/C Me (Chantal): Hypothyroid DH: Poor Sperm Morphology TTC #1 DD Born June 2007 (DIUI #2) TTC #2 DIUI#8: Due April 10, 2010

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05-22-2008, 07:06 AM	#3 (permalink)
Ogee Registered User Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Long Island, NY Posts: 2	Chantal, Thank you so much for your kind words.... I had always searched for the meaning of why this happened to me.. to all of us and I always seem to come up empty handed. So having this thrown at me was no help. It was one thing to deal with the infertility inself but now to have make a choice like this and i'ts overwhelming.... and I knew it was coming. I just didn't want to deal with it at the time so I put it off, and put it off as long as I could. Which is why I need to let them now by the end of the day.... So much for a lst minute decision. It's wonderful to know that you can look at your child love her uncondionally and know she could have a sibleing thats just like her.... but my circumstance would be a child that is mine and DH's and on the off chance that I do conceive the child would only be half related to the sibling... Can I deal with that forever? Will I favor one over the other? Will I love that child just as much? I know these as impossible questions to answer but they are the thoughts that run though my mind every 30 seconds.... Thank you for letting me get this off my chest... believe it or not just writing about is making me feel better but I still can't make a choice yet... Now the clock is really ticking.. YUK!

05-23-2008, 06:28 AM	#4 (permalink)
4cats 200-299 post 4 of hearts Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: nyc Posts: 203	I just had to buy DS also. Even if you think you're okay with it, actually buying it may still make you angry! I was in a mood over it for about a week. Giving up on havng DH biological child was, and is still very hard. I expect I'll only be okay with it if the DS IUIs work and even then not until after we see our baby.

05-23-2008, 09:57 AM	#5 (permalink)
tess1026 300-399 post 5 of hearts Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: michigan Posts: 309	Just thought I'd chime in...My dh and I have to use ds. We have a 7yr old adopted daughter. We had a different prespective as we adopted first. Our dd is ours, not out legality, not out of biological dna, but out of our love. She makes our "family" and she is the light of our life. When we decided to try dsiui, my dh said "the baby will be ours, because WE decided to bring it into our family" My DH has been amazing, our 1st iui was yesterday and he keeps calling checking on "his baby" (he's very optimistic!), I had the same hesitations using ds. By the Grace of God, my family will grow, my dd will have a sibling and my dh will be a great dad to another little one. Without the ds I can not do it. Would I rather be having a biological child with my dh - yes. Would I rather not have another child in our family because its not "ours" - absolutely not. I hope and pray that you find peace with your decision ~ Vickie