ovewhelmed by ds selection

calijen07 · 05-06-2008, 01:56 PM

after too many failed cycles we are choosing ds--my dh had a prior vasectomy and we have used TESE but the quality of the embies is not great. I feel so anxious choosing a donor! anyone else have trouble? Jenni

PhenaBaby · 05-06-2008, 02:58 PM

We are actually just getting started as well. And it does seem a little overwhelming choosing a donor... SO many questions??? Good luck though.....

jeslm · 05-06-2008, 03:03 PM

we are there with you on having to choose ds. There are so many places and choices it's crazy to try to get through. We are just beginning so here we all go!

**BC-MAV** · 05-06-2008, 05:26 PM

I don't know if it's similar to choosing an egg donor but at one point we were looking at so many pictures/profiles I felt like I was grocery shopping! We thought about what we wanted and what was important and what were things that didn't matter and that helped to narrow down things. Also no one is going to be the perfect donor so don't try looking for them!

CMorrison · 05-06-2008, 05:59 PM

I agree with Mav. We used ds and once you decide on a few things that are really important to you it will greatly narrow down your choices. Also depending on your CMV status things may be narrowed down for you further. (If a woman is CMV neg they recommend using a CMV neg donor and only approx 85% of the population is CMV neg) Hope you can find one that is right for you.

4cats · 05-06-2008, 08:25 PM

We just went through this too. First I just looked at some profiles to see how they were set up and what information they gave you. Then we had to decide on what was the most important things we were looking for. Like, was choosing a donor who looked the most like DH number one, or was the family's medical history the most important thing. Once you decide it will be easier because there won't be so many who meet the criteria of what you want. Good luck!

thebrg · 05-06-2008, 09:02 PM

Jen - we just went through this too. We are in the exact same place. We did TESE last fresh cycle in feb and our embryos were horrible. This time I ordered DS as back up. DH had to provide two samples on the day of retrieval and they got like 6 swimmers. They ended up using ICSI with four of those and ICSI with four TESE frozen sample. The rest went to DS. We have our transfer tomorrow and DH's fresh four are the best embryos of the bunch! Does DH have a couple swimmers come out? If so you might ask your RE to do a combined like ours. I have the unlimited viewing of donors at Xytex. If you narrow down a couple I will forward you their complete profiles...

calijen07 · 05-07-2008, 05:12 PM

thanks to everyone for their replies...it feels better to know others are going through this

thanks for the suggestions...off to shop for sperm. Hugs, Jenni

4cats · 05-07-2008, 09:17 PM

I just wanted to add something I think was either weird or funny. So I'm 'shopping' this one cryobank, and every once in a long while the staff impression will actually say something like, 'This is one of the best looking donors we've had!' (the one I picked was ugly I guess?) Anyhow, every single time looks are mentioned it turns out the guy is CMV positive. I guess the great looking ones are doing too much kissing or something.

**BC-donor** · 05-09-2008, 09:37 AM

I think that the process for choosing an egg donor or a sperm donor are the same. You're still looking for characteristics that match either you or your DH. I joked with one of my friends that I made on this site, that I felt like I was car shopping or something!

You have to try to find the lighter side of things sometimes & that was it for us then!

It is a little overwhelming to look at all of those profiles. There will most always be some things that you like about a donor & things you don't like. So, you have to decide which things are absolutely THE MOST important to you in your choice & go from there. For us, when we first started, we said that she had to have the same color hair & eyes as me, same height/weight/body build & blood type. When we were looking, we eventually realized that even if we didn't have to use a donor, our kids could have different color hair & eyes any way! So, for us, those things became secondary. Our absolute MUST HAVE'S were (in order) blood type had to be the same as mine, same body frame build & good family health history. From there, our hopes were to have her hair & eyes match mine, but those would just be bonuses if we found one with that too!! In the end, our donor looks EXACTLY like me & we got everything we wanted in her!! She even has the same likes & interests as I do!

Good luck in your search! I hope that you find everything that you're looking for in your donor!!

05-06-2008, 01:56 PM	#1 (permalink)
calijen07 Registered User Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Fort Worth Texas Posts: 61	ovewhelmed by ds selection after too many failed cycles we are choosing ds--my dh had a prior vasectomy and we have used TESE but the quality of the embies is not great. I feel so anxious choosing a donor! anyone else have trouble? Jenni

05-06-2008, 05:26 PM	#4 (permalink)
BC-MAV Board Coordinator for Surrogacy BB Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: way down yonder ... Posts: 29,651 Blog Entries: 50	I don't know if it's similar to choosing an egg donor but at one point we were looking at so many pictures/profiles I felt like I was grocery shopping! We thought about what we wanted and what was important and what were things that didn't matter and that helped to narrow down things. Also no one is going to be the perfect donor so don't try looking for them! Last edited by BC-donor; 05-09-2008 at 09:37 AM. Reason: remove avatar

05-06-2008, 05:59 PM	#5 (permalink)
CMorrison 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Ontario Posts: 2,986 Blog Entries: 1	I agree with Mav. We used ds and once you decide on a few things that are really important to you it will greatly narrow down your choices. Also depending on your CMV status things may be narrowed down for you further. (If a woman is CMV neg they recommend using a CMV neg donor and only approx 85% of the population is CMV neg) Hope you can find one that is right for you. __________________ Dx: Recurrent M/C Me (Chantal): Hypothyroid DH: Poor Sperm Morphology TTC #1 DD Born June 2007 (DIUI #2) TTC #2 DIUI#8: Due April 10, 2010 Last edited by BC-donor; 05-09-2008 at 09:37 AM. Reason: remove avatar

05-09-2008, 09:37 AM	#10 (permalink)
BC-donor 500-599 post 7 of hearts Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 587	I think that the process for choosing an egg donor or a sperm donor are the same. You're still looking for characteristics that match either you or your DH. I joked with one of my friends that I made on this site, that I felt like I was car shopping or something! You have to try to find the lighter side of things sometimes & that was it for us then! It is a little overwhelming to look at all of those profiles. There will most always be some things that you like about a donor & things you don't like. So, you have to decide which things are absolutely THE MOST important to you in your choice & go from there. For us, when we first started, we said that she had to have the same color hair & eyes as me, same height/weight/body build & blood type. When we were looking, we eventually realized that even if we didn't have to use a donor, our kids could have different color hair & eyes any way! So, for us, those things became secondary. Our absolute MUST HAVE'S were (in order) blood type had to be the same as mine, same body frame build & good family health history. From there, our hopes were to have her hair & eyes match mine, but those would just be bonuses if we found one with that too!! In the end, our donor looks EXACTLY like me & we got everything we wanted in her!! She even has the same likes & interests as I do! Good luck in your search! I hope that you find everything that you're looking for in your donor!! __________________ Multiple DE cycles, finally successful

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05-06-2008, 02:58 PM	#2 (permalink)
PhenaBaby 300-399 post 5 of hearts Join Date: May 2008 Location: Utah Posts: 377	We are actually just getting started as well. And it does seem a little overwhelming choosing a donor... SO many questions??? Good luck though.....

05-06-2008, 03:03 PM	#3 (permalink)
jeslm 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 64	we are there with you on having to choose ds. There are so many places and choices it's crazy to try to get through. We are just beginning so here we all go!

05-06-2008, 08:25 PM	#6 (permalink)
4cats 200-299 post 4 of hearts Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: nyc Posts: 203	We just went through this too. First I just looked at some profiles to see how they were set up and what information they gave you. Then we had to decide on what was the most important things we were looking for. Like, was choosing a donor who looked the most like DH number one, or was the family's medical history the most important thing. Once you decide it will be easier because there won't be so many who meet the criteria of what you want. Good luck!

05-06-2008, 09:02 PM	#7 (permalink)
thebrg 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: California Posts: 1,331	Jen - we just went through this too. We are in the exact same place. We did TESE last fresh cycle in feb and our embryos were horrible. This time I ordered DS as back up. DH had to provide two samples on the day of retrieval and they got like 6 swimmers. They ended up using ICSI with four of those and ICSI with four TESE frozen sample. The rest went to DS. We have our transfer tomorrow and DH's fresh four are the best embryos of the bunch! Does DH have a couple swimmers come out? If so you might ask your RE to do a combined like ours. I have the unlimited viewing of donors at Xytex. If you narrow down a couple I will forward you their complete profiles...

05-07-2008, 05:12 PM	#8 (permalink)
calijen07 Registered User Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Fort Worth Texas Posts: 61	thanks to everyone for their replies...it feels better to know others are going through this thanks for the suggestions...off to shop for sperm. Hugs, Jenni

05-07-2008, 09:17 PM	#9 (permalink)
4cats 200-299 post 4 of hearts Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: nyc Posts: 203	I just wanted to add something I think was either weird or funny. So I'm 'shopping' this one cryobank, and every once in a long while the staff impression will actually say something like, 'This is one of the best looking donors we've had!' (the one I picked was ugly I guess?) Anyhow, every single time looks are mentioned it turns out the guy is CMV positive. I guess the great looking ones are doing too much kissing or something.