Need support

[AVAWAITING]

Hi all- I have been a reader for > one year, but this is my first post. In a nutshell- I am 32yr, my DH 38yr. We have TTC for the last 4 yr. We were diagnosed with MF infertility (azospermia) and after 3 IVF w/ ICSI and subsequent BFNs last year , we moved onto DS IUI this year. No known fertility problems with me- normal bloodwork, but I have never had an HSG. However, my cycles were really messed up after the back to back IVFs, so I have been on clomid for my IUIs. Currently I am in the 2ww of my second DS IUI cycle. Feeling very down about this cycle and whether this will ever work for us. I know that it can take up to 6 cycles or more...
but with the IVFs last year I am really getting frustrated and sad.

On top of it all, my brother and sister in law are adopting their second baby in little less than 3 weeks. (We were just told this week). They apparently hadn't planned on adopting again so soon, but the birth mother of their first child is pregnant again . While I am truly very happy for them and adore my nephew I am sure how hard you all know it is to be around this kind of situation.

Sorry for the complaining- I guess I am really just feeling down about my situation and could use some words of encouragement. To know that this eventually works.
Thanks,
Ava

[carolsue]

Ava-Who is doing your iui, gyn or RE? I would recommend an hsg. I had 2 iui's and 3 ivf's w/ a bfn and have now moved on to using DE. My way of thinking that all of this costs lots of money and better to find out if there is any problems before your financial cushion is gone if your insurance doesn't pay.
Also when I did my clomid(before iui) there never was any kind of monitoring of my follicles, in the aftermath I wish they did b/c who knows maybe the eggs weren/t ready.

I know you are happy for your brother, it is just hard. I work w/ to girls who are pregnant and they know I have been trying for 2 yrs. I do not want their
pity but want them to treat me normal, one of them pulled me aside to tell first before anyone else in the office knew which I thought was nice.

Good luck to you, I hope you get your bfp this time around and end up on the preg board.

[thebrg]

Ava - I am sorry that you are feeling down. I feel the same way "will I ever bring home a baby"? I think one way or another we with both be mothers. That might be 2 or 3 years from now, but it WILL happen. I am on my 7th IVF cycle (fresh and FET) and it sucks. I am on day 7 of stims and I just feel so down when I should feel so up. I am hoping for the both of us!

[rjc0704]

Ava,

Nice of you post and I guarentee you will find alot of encouragement and comfort here. I'm sorry for what you and DH are going through. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. However, as I'm sure you know, this is a great cirlce to be in...for both you and DH.

I know the 2ww is so scary. You're afraid to get your hopes up, yet also trying not to be discouraged. It turns into a balance act that is most difficult. But you a great advantage....age and good health on your side! You have very good chance with IUIs and maybe even greater with IVF DS if you need to take things a bit farther and can afford it.

I know how hard it is with the constant reminders of motherhood all around you. I know you are happy for your brother/sister in law, and probably feel guilty for the envy. I find myself avoiding the baby isle, baby showers, preg women...but the reminders are everywhere. Mother's Day, Christmas, Easter, Halloween...they can all leave you feeling so empty and alone. BUT YOU HAVE US and you are NOT alone. We love to help one another.

It's a very bumpy, scary, undesirable road to be on...It's ok to vent. Let it out! And please, talk with DH. You are going through this together. I am 41 and waited too long, so I feel the guilt of being the blame for our trouble tcc. You're DH may be in similar shoes. I hope this ordeal brings you even closer, makes you stronger, and in the end...blessed with baby(s) of your own. Sending you

Best Wishes,

Rhonda

[AVAWAITING]

Thanks all for the words of encourgement.

Rachel- Your 7th IVF! Wow. I can't imagine. I know by my 3rd I was doing it more for my DH than me. I responded well to the medications and had lots of eggs, but we never had good embryo quality and my RE felt it was due to my DH's sperm. We always had lower fertilization rates than they expected. We were part of a shared risk program so we had 3 "tries" at IVF. After the 2nd BFN I was ready to move onto DS- but it took a little longer for my DH to accept. Overall I am glad I did three, but the roller coaster of emotions was so hard- harder than the IUIs have been. (Probably because I am not on as many meds with IUI )

I am one of those peope who is at the stage of asking what the next step is if the IUI's do not work. I know it is still earlier, but it makes me feel better if there is a plan. However, DH would rather wait to talk about these things at this point. I really am to the point of considering both IVF w/ DS and starting the adoption process if the IUI's do not work by the end of the year. My DH I think is a little hesistant about either.

Anyway thanks again for the support. Rachel- best of luck for this cycle!

Ava

[CMorrison]

Preg Ment:

Ava I actually have a similar story to yours and can say from experience to keep your hopes up because things could work out if you just give it time. We have MF as well however we suffered recurrent m/c as a result rather than the BFN. After 5 m/c I just couldn't take it anymore so we moved to DS and began working on adoption as a backup plan. DH took a lot of time to come around to the idea of DS but eventually he did. After having 5 m/c in a row I got preg on 2nd IUI with DS and now have a wonderful, happy, healthy baby to show for it. I went through all the feelings you are describing and even had 3 nieces and nephews born during my struggles so I understand how that feels too. I know it is hard to do but try and stay positive and patient and this approach my just work for you too. I hope your 2ww flies by and you will finally get your BFP.

[BC-donor]

Ava,
Welcome to the site! Honestly, if you haven't had an HSG done, they had no business doing IUI's on you! If your tubes are blocked, your IUI's won't work.

I'm sorry that you've been through so much. Of course you love your nephew & you're happy for your brother, but it doesn't take away the pain that you feel from not having 1 of your own.

I'll be crossing everything for you that this IUI works. Let us know how your beta comes back, ok?