Depressed-Wish I looked like I used to-and UPDATE

sanddollar · 08-25-2007, 08:16 PM

Ok so being on these meds has totally VACUUMED BIG TIME!!

I have been trying to work through my own emotions before posting! As most of your know I had knee surgery on July 27th and the next day I had EXTREME pain in my calf...I joked with hubby it was a blood clot. Well 3 days later at my post up they did an u/s on my entire leg. Pretty cool to see being that I have never had one on my leg before. But sure enough to my shock (well to a degree) there was ACTUALLY a Blood clot!

When I say to a degree with the year I have had I laughed with the tears cause it definitely fits into my year. But the good news was the clot wasn't affecting one vein or artery it was just there

So they said to put heat on it and it would dissolve. So I did...putting heat on my calf would hurt my knee and when I would put ice on my knee it would hurt my calf! LMAO But I did it!

So onto the following Monday finding the clot..I took Clay to the airport and they made me sit there for 2.5 hrs. I was in so much pain I seriously thought I might get arrested for being so snappy at everyone. The more I sat there without the sicker I felt. I thought I was going to pass out. My leg was throbbing from my hip to my toes! My knee wasn't hurting my leg was!

By the time I got home I called the Dr office crying and just said "Hey this KT call me" I didn't say this is important or emergency or anything. I took pain pills, sleeping pill and went to bed. Woke up not too bad...my leg was so sore it was almost 20 degrees less bendable during rehab. I didn't notice how swollen my leg was but I could tell it was hot to touch. I really thought the swelling was from the surgery. So on Thursday they called me to see what was up. Again I didn't say hey it is important so she thought I just needed to make an appointment. I explained to her the pain I was in and that I was going out of town the next day for my daddy's 60th Bday party. She said to go get an u/s done to make sure the clot hadn't moved. Fine whateva.

I go to the hospital for the u/s and the tech starts...when he gets to my calf he stayed on it A LOT longer than the first time. He showed me exactly what he was seeing with the colored imaging of the blood flow..I HAD NONE!! from my ankle to above mid-calf. The clot that was nothing the week before was now affecting 3 main veins and arteries and they admitted me IMMEDIATELY into the hospital.

I was there for 4 freanking DAYS!!! I am now on Lovenox (180mg) and Coumadin my levels still are NOT therapeutic so I must stay on the shots...2 wks now!! Hopefully Monday my levels will be between 2-3 (INR) so I can stop the shots..I swear they are the worst shots I have ever taken!! BURN BURN BURN!!!! My levels for the last week have stayed around 1.3-1.4

I will be on Coumadin for 3 months!

Now that I have had a blood clot... I am OFFICIALLY RETIRED from being a DONOR!! My heart breaks knowing I will not be able to help my dear Anna become a mom. I also do feel sorry for myself that my fertility of helping in that way has been RIPPED away from me. I guess I just wanted to end on MY TERMS!! If that makes sense? Mentally I have been grieving that lost, the lost of helping ONE MORE couple in that way.

I have to get back at loosing weight cause I have gained a TON!

I really have no clue how to diet when I am really limited on my GREENS!! I have to avoid more than 2 cups of Vitamin K while on blood thinners

funny thing now I CRAVE THEM!!!

I am going to try WW but again limiting the greens can it happen?

I do finally get to work out (water aerobics) next week

My friend Bob found an old pix of me and seeing that pix makes me really miss ME!!! I don't think I have ever had such a crappy year and I am so ready for it to be over with!!

I know this is basically just a long whiney letter and I am sorry!!

Oh one other thing...my Dr thinks that the fact I hyperstimmed twice really played a role in me being more prone to getting the blood clot. All my genetic testing has come back Normal. The stimulation meds are apparently known for causing blood clots...I always just assumed it would be during the cycle not down the road. While I wouldn't take one of my positive donations back. It was worth IT ALL!!! It is a bummer thing!

Here is the pix Bob sent me!! I just can't get over how pretty I was!!

Thanks ya'll I was like 17-18 in that photo and here I am at 31 yrs old

Josie1021 · 08-25-2007, 09:40 PM

Sanddollar - whining is fine, you definitely have something to whine about!

I am sorry you have been through so much recently, but on the positive side I am so glad that your clot didn't end up somewhere more disastrous like your lungs or heart.

It is a pain (literally) that you can't carry on with donation, but your own health must come first.

I hope you feel better soon.

Emily'sMom · 08-26-2007, 09:42 AM

I wish I could reach through this computer and give you a great big ((((HUG))))) I'm sorry it's been such a tough year for you. Although I'm sorry you're on so many meds for the blood clot and still recovering from the knee surgery, I'm so glad the blood clot didn't move and cause more serious damage. I'm really sorry to hear about not being able to complete your final donation for Anna. BUT .. you need to focus on YOU!!!!! You've made SO many dreams come true already and have SO much to be proud of. I hope your grieving period is brief and that you can look at all that you've accomplished. Look at those precious pics of your surrobubs and take another peek at your ED twins & triplets!!!! People will not remember you for the donation you didn't get to do but rather ALL the children you've already helped enter this world. Without you, they wouldn't be here!

Love & hugs,
Ellen

Kylie · 08-27-2007, 08:08 AM

I just wanted to say that between the two photos you posted, one shows a girl, and the other shows a woman

. You still look like the same pretty lady!

sanddollar · 08-27-2007, 01:46 PM

Thank you ladies!!! Truly it means a lot right now!!! Ellen these girls have no idea what all I have been through this year!! LMAO!! Think they would probably be offering margaritas if they did? hehe

Anyways, thank you all for the sweet words!!!

thebabyproject · 08-27-2007, 05:23 PM

Honey, take care of yourself. I know being retired is tough, especially with having health problems. Like a double/triple whammy to be in pain, feeling a little helpless, and then being told you can't help others when it's obviously so important.

But while you maybe cannot donate, you help many others by running your agency. And you must be healthy to do that.

And I think you look beautiful in both pictures and not all that different.

Hugs,
Emily

CrystalAZ · 08-28-2007, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sanddollar

Here is the pix Bob sent me!! I just can't get over how pretty I was!!

Thanks ya'll I was like 17-18 in that photo and here I am at 31 yrs old

I am sorry for all you've been through. I have to say from a photographer's point-of-view, those pictures look like the same woman to me - one with good lighting and one with bad. One with hair fixed up and the other without. If you went to Glamour Shots or a good professional photographer, I GUARANTEE you would look just as beautiful now as you see in the first pic. You've aged well and look great - so don't be so down on yourself.

Crystal

KatyPie · 08-29-2007, 03:39 AM

I just have to add that you are still beautiful. In fact the only real differnce that I see here, is the hair. Get yourself a roundbrush and some aquanet and I think the pic ont eh right is a dead ringer for the pic on the left. You have clearly made such a beautiful and lasting contribution to the world thru your donations, the families you made possible. I know that you have to grieve this loss in your own time but someday I think/hope you will be able to rejoice in knowing wha tyou did for so many people and the lives thqat exist becasue of your choices.

08-25-2007, 08:16 PM	#1 (permalink)
sanddollar Registered User Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Land of Fun Posts: 89	Depressed-Wish I looked like I used to-and UPDATE Ok so being on these meds has totally VACUUMED BIG TIME!! I have been trying to work through my own emotions before posting! As most of your know I had knee surgery on July 27th and the next day I had EXTREME pain in my calf...I joked with hubby it was a blood clot. Well 3 days later at my post up they did an u/s on my entire leg. Pretty cool to see being that I have never had one on my leg before. But sure enough to my shock (well to a degree) there was ACTUALLY a Blood clot! When I say to a degree with the year I have had I laughed with the tears cause it definitely fits into my year. But the good news was the clot wasn't affecting one vein or artery it was just there So they said to put heat on it and it would dissolve. So I did...putting heat on my calf would hurt my knee and when I would put ice on my knee it would hurt my calf! LMAO But I did it! So onto the following Monday finding the clot..I took Clay to the airport and they made me sit there for 2.5 hrs. I was in so much pain I seriously thought I might get arrested for being so snappy at everyone. The more I sat there without the sicker I felt. I thought I was going to pass out. My leg was throbbing from my hip to my toes! My knee wasn't hurting my leg was! By the time I got home I called the Dr office crying and just said "Hey this KT call me" I didn't say this is important or emergency or anything. I took pain pills, sleeping pill and went to bed. Woke up not too bad...my leg was so sore it was almost 20 degrees less bendable during rehab. I didn't notice how swollen my leg was but I could tell it was hot to touch. I really thought the swelling was from the surgery. So on Thursday they called me to see what was up. Again I didn't say hey it is important so she thought I just needed to make an appointment. I explained to her the pain I was in and that I was going out of town the next day for my daddy's 60th Bday party. She said to go get an u/s done to make sure the clot hadn't moved. Fine whateva. I go to the hospital for the u/s and the tech starts...when he gets to my calf he stayed on it A LOT longer than the first time. He showed me exactly what he was seeing with the colored imaging of the blood flow..I HAD NONE!! from my ankle to above mid-calf. The clot that was nothing the week before was now affecting 3 main veins and arteries and they admitted me IMMEDIATELY into the hospital. I was there for 4 freanking DAYS!!! I am now on Lovenox (180mg) and Coumadin my levels still are NOT therapeutic so I must stay on the shots...2 wks now!! Hopefully Monday my levels will be between 2-3 (INR) so I can stop the shots..I swear they are the worst shots I have ever taken!! BURN BURN BURN!!!! My levels for the last week have stayed around 1.3-1.4 I will be on Coumadin for 3 months! Now that I have had a blood clot... I am OFFICIALLY RETIRED from being a DONOR!! My heart breaks knowing I will not be able to help my dear Anna become a mom. I also do feel sorry for myself that my fertility of helping in that way has been RIPPED away from me. I guess I just wanted to end on MY TERMS!! If that makes sense? Mentally I have been grieving that lost, the lost of helping ONE MORE couple in that way. I have to get back at loosing weight cause I have gained a TON! I really have no clue how to diet when I am really limited on my GREENS!! I have to avoid more than 2 cups of Vitamin K while on blood thinners funny thing now I CRAVE THEM!!! I am going to try WW but again limiting the greens can it happen? I do finally get to work out (water aerobics) next week My friend Bob found an old pix of me and seeing that pix makes me really miss ME!!! I don't think I have ever had such a crappy year and I am so ready for it to be over with!! I know this is basically just a long whiney letter and I am sorry!! Oh one other thing...my Dr thinks that the fact I hyperstimmed twice really played a role in me being more prone to getting the blood clot. All my genetic testing has come back Normal. The stimulation meds are apparently known for causing blood clots...I always just assumed it would be during the cycle not down the road. While I wouldn't take one of my positive donations back. It was worth IT ALL!!! It is a bummer thing! Here is the pix Bob sent me!! I just can't get over how pretty I was!! Thanks ya'll I was like 17-18 in that photo and here I am at 31 yrs old __________________ Mom to 4 Boys EDx1 Girl/ Boy EDx2 Girl/Boy EDx3 Boy EDx4 Boy/Boy/Girl GSx1 Girl Last edited by sanddollar; 08-25-2007 at 09:54 PM.

08-27-2007, 01:46 PM	#5 (permalink)
sanddollar Registered User Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Land of Fun Posts: 89	Thank you ladies!!! Truly it means a lot right now!!! Ellen these girls have no idea what all I have been through this year!! LMAO!! Think they would probably be offering margaritas if they did? hehe Anyways, thank you all for the sweet words!!! __________________ Mom to 4 Boys EDx1 Girl/ Boy EDx2 Girl/Boy EDx3 Boy EDx4 Boy/Boy/Girl GSx1 Girl

08-27-2007, 05:23 PM	#6 (permalink)
thebabyproject 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: South of Atlanta, GA Posts: 3,503 Blog Entries: 639	Honey, take care of yourself. I know being retired is tough, especially with having health problems. Like a double/triple whammy to be in pain, feeling a little helpless, and then being told you can't help others when it's obviously so important. But while you maybe cannot donate, you help many others by running your agency. And you must be healthy to do that. And I think you look beautiful in both pictures and not all that different. Hugs, Emily __________________ Severe MF w/SCSA 47% & DOR @ 32 DE IVF ICSI TESA#2 worked! Beta#1 3.5; Beta#2 13.8; Beta#3 58.6 Bethany Joyce born 5/16/08

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08-25-2007, 09:40 PM	#2 (permalink)
Josie1021 Registered User Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 161	Sanddollar - whining is fine, you definitely have something to whine about! I am sorry you have been through so much recently, but on the positive side I am so glad that your clot didn't end up somewhere more disastrous like your lungs or heart. It is a pain (literally) that you can't carry on with donation, but your own health must come first. I hope you feel better soon.

08-26-2007, 09:42 AM	#3 (permalink)
Emily'sMom 5000-9999 post king of hearts Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Upstate NY Posts: 5,973	I wish I could reach through this computer and give you a great big ((((HUG))))) I'm sorry it's been such a tough year for you. Although I'm sorry you're on so many meds for the blood clot and still recovering from the knee surgery, I'm so glad the blood clot didn't move and cause more serious damage. I'm really sorry to hear about not being able to complete your final donation for Anna. BUT .. you need to focus on YOU!!!!! You've made SO many dreams come true already and have SO much to be proud of. I hope your grieving period is brief and that you can look at all that you've accomplished. Look at those precious pics of your surrobubs and take another peek at your ED twins & triplets!!!! People will not remember you for the donation you didn't get to do but rather ALL the children you've already helped enter this world. Without you, they wouldn't be here! Love & hugs, Ellen

08-29-2007, 03:39 AM	#8 (permalink)
KatyPie Registered User Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: California Posts: 57	I just have to add that you are still beautiful. In fact the only real differnce that I see here, is the hair. Get yourself a roundbrush and some aquanet and I think the pic ont eh right is a dead ringer for the pic on the left. You have clearly made such a beautiful and lasting contribution to the world thru your donations, the families you made possible. I know that you have to grieve this loss in your own time but someday I think/hope you will be able to rejoice in knowing wha tyou did for so many people and the lives thqat exist becasue of your choices.