I want to quit

[notreallyme]

I am so tired of feeling depressed and unhappy. I don't want to go through fertility treatments anymore. I am done. I want to stop. No more.

I want to quit my job and find another place to live. I want to leave everything behind. I am wasting my life.

I come home from work around 1 pm, have a couple drinks, watch TV and go to bed. What a waste of a life. I feel like I need alcohol to escape from the pain.

I am so tired. I am so unhappy. I have gained 20 lbs and have been eating crap.

I have been on Provera for the 10 days and am now waiting for AF, then BCP and then a saline u/s and then a new donor cycle.

Ummmm, I don't want to start another cycle. I don't want anymore debt. I don't want anymore grief. I don't want anymore pain.

The nurse told me a few weeks ago that I'd feel better after my period started. I am feeling worse than I felt a couple weeks ago.

I have been on summer vacation since I am a teacher and I am ashamed of how I look now to my co-workers. I just started back on Monday...I have to buy new clothes because no work clothes I have will fit me.

My DH thinks I am having a pity party but all I want to do is escape this life. He is sleeping right now but I need to talk.

I just want to spend money on toys for myself...a motorhome, a new camera, etc. I can't because we are in debt because of F*#$!^ING IF treatments.

[Josie1021]

If you want to stop treatments at this point I think you should. You may find that you have the energy to try again after a break or you may find that you absolutely don't want to.

At the very least a break will give you the space to reclaim your life and make decisions free of the hormonal and emotional rollercoaster. You might also find talking to some kind of counsellor helpful - does your clinic have one?

Obviously whatever you ultimately decide must be something that you and dh can live with but don't feel pressured to stay on that treadmill now. You deserve to have some happiness in your life now rather than in some distant future.

Hang in there.

[Sasha72]

I know how you feel. I felt the same way and I thought about giving up sooooooo many times!!! I went through 6 years of IF, 13 failed IUI's, and 4 failed IVF's. I'm glad I kept on going because I now have my b/g twins!!! I'm still paying the $50k that I owe, but it's so worth it!!!

I wish you the best of luck and take care!

[iwillsurvive]

notreallyme - I am so sorry for what you're going through ! I know exactly how you feel 'coz I feel the same way too. I have tried two fresh DE IVFs and both failed. I am so tired of this sh*t and I wish I could quit ! Honestly, I don't want to ttc anymore, I just want to lead a normal, happy life. But at the same time, I can't imagine a life without a baby !! The very idea scares me and I know I cannot be a happy, whole person until I am a mom ! I know it is not right to feel this way and I have heard this a 100 times, but that is just how weak and degenarated my self is.
Hugs..I wish I could do something better to ease off your pain.

[notreallyme]

I wept last night, took a Valium, woke up with a Valium hangover. I feel so alone. I want to leave everything behind.

I don't want children. I can't figure out why I ever did. I can't figure out why I have been doing IF treatments. I feel so lost.

I told my DH that I am done. He seemed unimpressed. I told him I want to leave him and he can have everything. I will take some clothes, my car and just get the hell out of here. He is unfazed.

What sounds good to me is living in a motorhome by myself in a small beach town in Northern CA...making enough money to just live. No more debt, no more pain. Just being alone.

How the hell can I go to work today. I am weeping right now. I want to walk in there and quit my job and leave forever. Leave my life behind.

[thebabyproject]

No words of help, but many many hugs.

Only advice is can you speak with a counselor? Can your RE's office hook you up?

Emily

[Isabelle2006]

Oh my. I don't know what to say. I have been there. I know how you feel, but when you are in the middle of it...no one can help or say anything. please hang in there and see if there is someone you can speak to.

Isabelle

[KNITWIT]

Notrellyme -

I hope you can get some help you sound clinically depressed and in a lot of pain. Sending thoughts of support and care.

[Josie1021]

Notreallyme - I'm sorry you're feeling so low.

You sound like you need some help. I really think you need to talk to someone, preferably a health care professional who can work out the best way to help. Also do you have any family/close friends you can confide in?

Let us know how you are.

notreallyme,

Hang in there. Try to make one decision at a time. If you do not want to cycle anymore you do not have to. Breath, let that decision settle in. You have your life back. There is great satisfaction in making a decision one way or the other.
Feel the power that you have regained over your life and enjoy it. Breathe.

You don't need to cut your husband out of your life or run away to regain yourself.You are strong and this too shall pass. Look at all that you have endured already.

You do not need the alcohol, remember it is a depressant. So while it may sound like a good idea to have a drink to forget what you are going through, it will only make you feel worse at the end of the night.

Do something that you enjoy or that will make you feel good about yourself. Go shopping, read a book, see friends, and I hate to say it but exercise can do wonders for our physical and mental health.

Remember, this too shall pass and.......breathe

momma