Moving to donor eggs...looking for information...

[wendytexas]

This is all so new to me, and I'm frankly still trying to wrap my mind around the idea of using donor eggs to have a family. Quick background on me since I'm new in this thread:

I'm Wendy...41 years old (42 in July). Married my wonderful husband Michael three years ago and started TTC #1 in November '05. In that time, I had three IUI/injectible cycles and then three IVFs...all BFN . My most recent heartbreak was on Monday. I traveled to SIRM in Dallas from home in San Antonio to do their LA8E2V protocol for older women.

The cycle was a disaster...took me 14 days of high doses of stims to get to trigger. They retrieved 10 eggs, but only five were able to go through ICSI. Of those, three fertilized...but none made it to blast. We got the news Monday morning as we headed out the door for my transfer that they all arrested and nothing was left to transfer. My doctor is recommending that I do another IVF in a few months using donor eggs.

My husband and I are open to the idea b/c we have learned through the infertility process that being a parent to a child is the bottom line, not how we get there. For us, donor eggs is preferable to adoption for now for several reasons: we have insurance coverage, so it's more economical; the wait is shorter; the child will have my husband's genetic; and I will be able to carry and nurse the baby .

Luckily, our families are accepting of the idea...not that it would stop us if they weren't, but it's nice to have their support . We are hoping to do a donor cycle this summer after I have a chance to detox some and do some research. Not sure if we'll cycle with my San Antonio clinic or go back to SIRM. My San Antonio clinic has an office-based donor program, as well as a shared donor program. I really like my SIRM doctor, though. So...we're basically in the research stages.

I'd love to hear about your experiences with donor eggs - the cycling, emotional aspects, etc. I'm a very positive, optimistic person. I don't stay down long, and I believe that genetics doesn't make you a parent: love does! It's still hard to come to terms with the idea that your ovaries are kaput when you still feel so young and vibrant, though.

Thanks in advance...nice to have support here !

[peb]

Wendy, my experience is very similar to yours. I'm 42 and currently 29 weeks pg (singleton) through donor eggs and DH's guys. We got married just four years ago, had been doing IF since fall 2003 with numerous IUIs and two IVFs, all BFN.

After much research, we went with an RE practice in our area that does IVF as well as DE and has their own very extensive screening program for donors. The whole process from signup/matching/transfer/pg took about nine months.

I can tell you it took me a while to be comfortable with the concept of DE.
But even though we won't share genetics, I have come to view this as my biological child -- after all, it's my blood pumping through his/her veins! There are also some very interesting theories out there in a field called epigenics, which in a nutshell states that the the person gestating the child will direct the expression of that baby's genetics.

That's a roundabout way of saying I don't regret my decision in the least!

I wish you and your DH luck in your DE journey as well.

peb

[DeeMarie]

Hi Wendy! It took myself a little less time than DH to come to terms with using DE. But what it all came down to was that we wanted another child. So we are happy about our decision. After a few failed IUIs and 5 failed IVFs with my own eggs, this is the way we need to go if we want to have another child, hopefully! I just finished my first DE cycle and it was negative. But we have 9 embryos frozen. So I'm now in the process of doing a natural frozen cycle (without meds). And hoping and praying with all I've got that this will work for us. Anyway...I wish you all the luck in the world with this journey. It is really great that you do have your family's support in this. It makes a BIG difference. I'm sorry about all you have gone through and I hope this will be it for you! You are so right when you say that it's love that makes you a parent, not genetics!!!! Good luck to you! And we are here for you for the support!

Dina

[peapod]

Hi Wendy,

I went through 3 IUI's and 2 IVF cycles, and after the second IVF cycle failed, our IVF doctor recommended donor egg. It was tough to hear that it was time to move on because of my egg quality, however, it didn't take that long before we agreed to do a donor egg cycle, especially when he told us that their success rates were close to 70% (on the first cycle). We felt that being parents were more important than me having a genetic connection to our child. Although I don't have a genetic connection to our child, at least my husband does. We also felt that it was important to carry a child. It is truly an amazing experience to carry a child, and I never took it for granted because it had taken us so long to get pregnant. I'm still amazed at how different my embryos looked compared to the embryos from our DE cycle. My embryos were highly fragmented and the cells were not uniform; the DE embryos were beautiful and the cells were uniform. And guess what? I got pregnant from the first DE cycle.

We are a success story, in that our first DE cycle was successful and without any problems. I was 38 when we started the cycle, and 39 when I delivered our beautiful baby girl early last year. She is the joy of our lives, and although those rounds of IVF and the DE cycles were very expensive, we never think twice about the cost. It is the price we paid to start our family, and well worth the $$ we spent. In addition, we have 5 frozen embryos from our DE cycle, and we hope to have a successful FET cycle this summer.

[rb]

You ladies aren't forty-something years old, you are forty-something years young.

rb

[cs1984cs]

Hello WendyTX,

Sorry your last cycle propelled you into our ranks.

Forgive me if I repeat myself as I already gave you this book (with another) in the CC thread for you, but, since I'm not sure you saw it, here it is. It addresses the emotional and social aspects of donation and raise more questions than we can think of (rb and thebabyproject will also vouch for that)

Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates by Dr. Diane Ehrensaft

As far as my story, this is ED #7; none of the others made it to ER. It took us around 1.5 years to get where we are now. It's atypical. Most people are lucky by #2 at most. It took us a while to grieve over the "loss" of our own bio child. Eventually, we realized that being parents was more important. Then we wrestled with many issues you'll find in the book. In a sense, we're glad it took so long, b/c we had all the time in the world to iron out all of them (cf book)

For us, the worse part of the process is finding the donor, waiting, a lot of waiting, and trusting someone else to do the job for you and do it right. Once the cycling starts it just goes by pretty fast. Now, just hoping Monday will be a good day.

Feel free to ask more questions and GL,

CS

[Shanson619]

Hi Wendy! Who would've thought we'd meet here so soon? I know this whole concept was a shock to my system. After our recent IVF (#4) resulted in a chemical, I went in for a mini-consult with the RE about when to do the next one. At 30, I was not really expecting him to say we had a <10% chance of success with my eggs. After 3 IUIs and 4 IVFs he says that they have done all they can to improve the quality of our embryos, but the egg factor is just not something they can change.
As he put things: "This issue has been there since 1976 and it isn't your fault. There isn't much that can be done that hasn't already been tried. As much as I hate saying this to people, especially a 30 year old, you have 3 choices, 2 of which I will recommend. 1 - Try one last time, but I don't think it is a good option, 2 - DE, and 3 - stop treatment all together."

Jeeze. I didn't see that coming! I spent one night and morning very upset. Then, there was a reminder that we are not in charge of when and how things will work out....I have found a potential donor. I know we have $ to save, appointments to make, and another rollercoaster ride ahead of us.
But I really believe (for the first time in a while) that things may be playing out the way they were meant to all along.

As frustrating and emotional as this experience has been, He has a plan that we can't begin to know, despite our efforts to do so. I am trying to remember that as we move forward. You are one person in particular that reminded me of that recently on the CC thread.

One day leads to the next, and all we can do is hope and pray His plan will continue to unfold and shape who we are in this world.

Keep us posted on things, ok?

-Shannon

[wendytexas]

When will you cycle again, Shannon? I need a break from meds, u/s, and IVF calendars for awhile...physically and mentally. I've been doing IUIs and IVFs since last March and am worn out . I'm hoping to cycle again in late July...but first I have to decide which RE to cycle with and get all the other ducks in a row.

[Shanson619]

Our coverage ends 9/30 no matter what, so we are going to try and keep it together and push right along as soon as possible. I am pooped out, too. I just know our coverage will handle a good chunk of the cost, and without it we couldn't afford this. Hopefully we'll go at the end of April (if I get my way)

We've been at this treatment business straight since 6/05 and it is certainly exhausting! I did take a little break between IVF #3-4, taking an extra month in December to try and enjoy the holidays. It was really b/c of an insurance change and paperwork nonsense, but it was nice to have that extra month to try and be normal again - lol!

Do whatever feels right to you. Good things will come.

[aking2amanuel]

wendytexas:

Just wanted to stop by and say I'm sorry to hear your news, but you seem to have a positive outlook on the whole thing. And God bless you for knowing genetics doesnt make you love a baby... My DH and I just went 1/2 through a IVF cycle (we should still be in it) but the office made some mis calculations and we didnt have anymore money to give them (we already took out a loan to pay them and they wanted more) Have you looked into DE in Texas and stuff... I wouldn't mind being an ED, I dont want to if its at one of those agency places, but person to person I wouldnt mind it... Anyhow.. God bless you and your efforts!