No more chances w/ my eggs...on to DE?

Shanson619 · 02-17-2007, 03:34 PM

I have NO clue how this works, but after getting that dreaded (yet typical) phone call from the lab today (this time I had a beta, # is going down fast) I have to consider DE. We only have coverage for IVF until 9/30. I am really concerned about the whole thing. Anyone willing to share what it's all about? Can you have a say in things, say through reviewing profiles?

Deno1977 · 02-17-2007, 04:06 PM

Shanson~ I don't know anything about DE so I can't help you there. Just wanted to tell you so sorry for your loss.

cs1984cs · 02-17-2007, 06:57 PM

Hello Shannon,

Sorry this last one was a BFN

You will pick your donor. You have the last say on whom you choose to be your donor. However, it depends on how the agency or RE operates. Some places will pick donors out of their pool and only give you the one they think you would like; others will open their entire list to you and if available you can view the full profile after picking the donor based on a few characteristics; yet others will have waiting lists for recipients, when you're on top, whatever donors are available at that time, you get to pick from - from those places, if you turn down the available donors you either a-get first pick on whichever donor comes available first or b-get put back at the bottom of the list.

Now, the more characteristics you will require from the donor to have the less likely you are to find the donor and the longer you will probably have to wait to find such person and vice versa.

I personally went through choosing several donors. Six of them never made it passed the tests for a reason or another. I'm on #7 now and so far so good. By the time we got to picking #7 we only cared for her to be pretty much of the same race and very healthy. We still got three to pick from and are very happy with our choice. She doesn't look much like me but she could easily fit in our family; we're in the not telling camp so that was important to us.

Here are a couple of recent talk about ED issues that you may have to face:

http://www3.fertilethoughts.com/foru...d.php?t=489164
http://www3.fertilethoughts.com/foru...d.php?t=489938

Two books which are a must to learn about it all. The first is about making a decision and the process, the second is about the psychological aspect of donation and it impact on us all:

Having your baby through egg donation by Glazer & Sterling
Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates by Dr. Diane Ehrensaft

HTH and good luck,

CS

CTATigger · 02-17-2007, 08:14 PM

A great place to learn about DE cycles is the MVED List (mothers via egg donation) at yahoogroups
I have done two de cycles. The first was a BFN, no frozens left. It was at a clinic in upstate NY and I felt we received sub par care there.
Then, I did a DE cycle at PCRM, one of the top clinics in the world, in Portland, Oregon. We traveled there from Michigan for the cycle. I would definitely look for a clinic with 70% or better success rates.
We chose our donor and got to see pictures of her as an adult, as a child and got to read a 15 page profile filled out by her.
Some people choose to meet their donors. We kept ours anonymous.
Our donor was proven--meaning she had donated before and the couples had gotten pg. I looked for health, family health history and fertility over her looking like me. She had the same ethnic background and color of eyes. Still, some people tell me that my son looks like me

He is 200% mine (and DH's) and the light of our lives.
Baby blessings,
Christine
Mom to DS, 17 months old

Shanson619 · 02-18-2007, 11:14 AM

Thanks for the info., ladies. I am calling in the morning to see how quickly I can get in there and talk to them about what caused our beta to go down and eventually go away. I am really interested in what the process is with my RE's office regarding DE. I think I would feel better at least knowing what the next steps are, ya know? I am still trying to deal with the fact that after my first ever bfp, we are back to the drawing board again.

KNITWIT · 02-18-2007, 04:02 PM

I am so sorry for your loss - to go from a high to such a low stinks! I hope they have some answers for you. Unfortunately for me, I have found that even with all of this technology they still are pretty much in the dark as to why some eggs implant and become successful pregnancies and others end so early. After many tears, DH and I decided to go the DE route and right now, I'm pretty excited about it. You may want to check into the timing thing with your clinic if you only have coverage until 9/30. And does that include DE? And what about FET? If timing is an issue you may want to travel to your DE clinic and work with one that has a large donor pool with some donors "ready to cycle right away". Or you can decide to wait for just the "right one". It all depends on where you fall on the "tell or not tell" scale. We would like to make that decision later so we're looking for same race and eye color - not worried about blood type because we feel that we will eventually tell.
It's a weird process - but, welcome - this is a great supportive board.

KW

Annaandy · 02-19-2007, 10:55 AM

Welcome Shanan and i am sorry for your loss, I did a donor cycle and I am currently 8 weeeks pg, CS has great books and websites for you, it will take some time but you will adjust!

02-17-2007, 03:34 PM	#1 (permalink)
Shanson619 Registered User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Haverhill, MA Posts: 434	No more chances w/ my eggs...on to DE? I have NO clue how this works, but after getting that dreaded (yet typical) phone call from the lab today (this time I had a beta, # is going down fast) I have to consider DE. We only have coverage for IVF until 9/30. I am really concerned about the whole thing. Anyone willing to share what it's all about? Can you have a say in things, say through reviewing profiles? __________________ Me 30; DH 34 ttc - since 2004 3 IUIs - BFN 3 IVFs - BFN IVF #4 - beta 1 bfp, beta 2 bfn; an early IVF #5 - ED IVF - BFN

02-17-2007, 04:06 PM	#2 (permalink)
Deno1977 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Fox Valley, WI Posts: 1,046	Shanson~ I don't know anything about DE so I can't help you there. Just wanted to tell you so sorry for your loss. __________________ DeNeil Rob ttc 6yrs 9iui all BFN IVF#1 BFP m/c @ 9weeks 3 FET all BFN IVF# 2 ER 6/29 ET 7/4 BFP!!! Beta#1 7dp5dt 72. Beta #2 10dp5dt 310 Beta#3 13dp5dt 1357 U/S on 7/31/09 It's TWINS!!

02-17-2007, 08:14 PM	#4 (permalink)
CTATigger Registered User Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 93	De A great place to learn about DE cycles is the MVED List (mothers via egg donation) at yahoogroups I have done two de cycles. The first was a BFN, no frozens left. It was at a clinic in upstate NY and I felt we received sub par care there. Then, I did a DE cycle at PCRM, one of the top clinics in the world, in Portland, Oregon. We traveled there from Michigan for the cycle. I would definitely look for a clinic with 70% or better success rates. We chose our donor and got to see pictures of her as an adult, as a child and got to read a 15 page profile filled out by her. Some people choose to meet their donors. We kept ours anonymous. Our donor was proven--meaning she had donated before and the couples had gotten pg. I looked for health, family health history and fertility over her looking like me. She had the same ethnic background and color of eyes. Still, some people tell me that my son looks like me He is 200% mine (and DH's) and the light of our lives. Baby blessings, Christine Mom to DS, 17 months old

02-18-2007, 11:14 AM	#5 (permalink)
Shanson619 Registered User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Haverhill, MA Posts: 434	Thanks for the info., ladies. I am calling in the morning to see how quickly I can get in there and talk to them about what caused our beta to go down and eventually go away. I am really interested in what the process is with my RE's office regarding DE. I think I would feel better at least knowing what the next steps are, ya know? I am still trying to deal with the fact that after my first ever bfp, we are back to the drawing board again. __________________ Me 30; DH 34 ttc - since 2004 3 IUIs - BFN 3 IVFs - BFN IVF #4 - beta 1 bfp, beta 2 bfn; an early IVF #5 - ED IVF - BFN

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02-17-2007, 06:57 PM	#3 (permalink)
cs1984cs Registered User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 2,198	Hello Shannon, Sorry this last one was a BFN You will pick your donor. You have the last say on whom you choose to be your donor. However, it depends on how the agency or RE operates. Some places will pick donors out of their pool and only give you the one they think you would like; others will open their entire list to you and if available you can view the full profile after picking the donor based on a few characteristics; yet others will have waiting lists for recipients, when you're on top, whatever donors are available at that time, you get to pick from - from those places, if you turn down the available donors you either a-get first pick on whichever donor comes available first or b-get put back at the bottom of the list. Now, the more characteristics you will require from the donor to have the less likely you are to find the donor and the longer you will probably have to wait to find such person and vice versa. I personally went through choosing several donors. Six of them never made it passed the tests for a reason or another. I'm on #7 now and so far so good. By the time we got to picking #7 we only cared for her to be pretty much of the same race and very healthy. We still got three to pick from and are very happy with our choice. She doesn't look much like me but she could easily fit in our family; we're in the not telling camp so that was important to us. Here are a couple of recent talk about ED issues that you may have to face: http://www3.fertilethoughts.com/foru...d.php?t=489164 http://www3.fertilethoughts.com/foru...d.php?t=489938 Two books which are a must to learn about it all. The first is about making a decision and the process, the second is about the psychological aspect of donation and it impact on us all: Having your baby through egg donation by Glazer & Sterling Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates by Dr. Diane Ehrensaft HTH and good luck, CS

02-18-2007, 04:02 PM	#6 (permalink)
KNITWIT Registered User Join Date: May 2006 Location: GEORGIA Posts: 155	I am so sorry for your loss - to go from a high to such a low stinks! I hope they have some answers for you. Unfortunately for me, I have found that even with all of this technology they still are pretty much in the dark as to why some eggs implant and become successful pregnancies and others end so early. After many tears, DH and I decided to go the DE route and right now, I'm pretty excited about it. You may want to check into the timing thing with your clinic if you only have coverage until 9/30. And does that include DE? And what about FET? If timing is an issue you may want to travel to your DE clinic and work with one that has a large donor pool with some donors "ready to cycle right away". Or you can decide to wait for just the "right one". It all depends on where you fall on the "tell or not tell" scale. We would like to make that decision later so we're looking for same race and eye color - not worried about blood type because we feel that we will eventually tell. It's a weird process - but, welcome - this is a great supportive board. KW

02-19-2007, 10:55 AM	#7 (permalink)
Annaandy Registered User Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: FL Posts: 368	Welcome Shanan and i am sorry for your loss, I did a donor cycle and I am currently 8 weeeks pg, CS has great books and websites for you, it will take some time but you will adjust!