Would value your encouragement pls- New RE negative

[Danasingle]

Thanks!

I saw this RE for the 1st time. (different than the other new RE who did the initial consult in Nov 06). I am back from my appt from my CD2 u/s scan for antral follicles and to ensure I have no cysts. He had NOTHING positive to say. His first comment was did I have my donor units ready. Then he said that it was not good that I am taking Effexor. It is hard to get pregnant on it. (or did he say it would cause m/c’s?)

He did not tell me how many antral follicles I had. He told me to monitor my LH surge via OPK kits starting on CD 9.

He prescribed 5 mg of Femura from CD 3 to CD7 inclusive (and I had to sign off I was aware of the potential risks from it first).

He prescribed 8 days of 225 units of Puregon also starting on CD 3.

He told me to book a follicle checking u/s scan on CD 9. I said with my successful cycle (different IVF clinic), my LH started to surge after on six days of 225 gonal f only. He said, Oh. Then come in on CD8 and start OPKing on CD7.

He also ordered all the ‘normal’ Infertility CD3 b/w and tests and said it was necessary. (Like it is MY fault that the RE in his clinic who did my consult said I didn’t need other tests---you are good to go. Just call the office when you are ready to cycle.

He said ‘You DO know that this cycle is a wild shot, don’t you? Also something about if I produce decent follicles’ I am paraphrasing, his attitude surprised me (not in a good way). Definitely no talk about risk of multiples.

As he rushed down the corridor with me trying to catch up (I’m stiff from my fall yesterday), I tried to inject some humanness(kindness?) into his attitude and said, ‘Are you busy today?’ He said (without turning around) Yes. Very!

That was the extent of our Dr./Patient conversation.

Sooooooo, PLEEEZE. Would you encourage me? Man, the other clinic staff, etc. made me feel like a Queen. I’m telling myself I still have a chance. I’m finding it hard to believe myself when it seems like he feels like I do not.

Thank you.

Dana Single - 44
ttc #3 - CD2
4 prior m/c's

[cs1984cs]

Wow, what a jerk. I am sorry that you had to put up with that BS. I would have told him on the spot that unless he gets his behind back here right now that he can kiss mine goodbye. Are you in this so deep that you cannot switch clinic? If not, do you feel you can live with the staff with whom you will interact the most if it's anything like what I am used to? You don't sound like you trust him as it is. I think you need to address that with him or you'll never feel right.

Despite all this, he still could come through for you. It's your call

Good luck,

CS

[maria2]

I second that, Dana, what a jerk. You know, we grow up with this idea that the doctors run the show and we are lucky to have them help us. And don't get me wrong, I have dear friends who are doctors, and they do work very hard. BUT you are turning to this clinic to help you with your vision for your life; they work for you. I know things are a bit different in Canada, but this is an elective procedure and you are the consumer. You're the one who has been through this all before, you know your body and cycles waaayyy better than anyone, and you call the shots (no pun intended). Think through your experience, not through his bad behavior (it is no excuse if he was having a busy day - be glad you're not someone in his personal life; you can bet he does the same thing in all circles!).

You're not living near the other clinic you attended before, I think I remember, but do you have no other options? Is he the only game in town?

Ok, and then here's another story for you if he/his clinic is your only viable choice. There was this excellent, respected doctor in the small clinic where I had my diuis - not my doctor - who had the world's worst horrible-bedside manner - there were stories all over the small town I lived in at the time that spanned many years about him. His partners were always having to step in and say things like "He's a good guy, he just doesn't know what he sounds like; he means well". A friend of mine even had it written into her chart that she would NOT allow him to see her as a patient. Anyway, guess who, last minute, decided to give me an hcg shot just to see if it would work on my 7th cycle trying to conceive #2? Yep. And guess who came in on the fly to help my doctor, when it became clear I was going through back labor and on the verge of fainting, and put in an unplanned epidural just right, right away, and allowed me to be finally comfortable and deliver that same baby? Yep. He was a jerk all the way through (HOLD STILL OR I'LL HAVE TO DO THIS AGAIN he demanded - in the midst of my contractions - when inserting the needle) but he came through for me. And he even came in to chat (really, he was kind of a social dweb who couldn't really make small talk, but he tried) the next day after the delivery. It really helped me to keep the attitude I explained above - I was the consumer and he was working for me. I'm not at his mercy, he's at mine! I wanted his knowledge and experience, and didn't have to take/worry about his bad behavior. It allowed me to kinda laugh off his dumbness.

Like I say, I have doctors who I love in my life, but in general, my experience has convinced me that the profession does not always attract the most socially attune people. They're smart, they want to help people and they don't really know how to interact with them, so they become doctors so they can fix bodies instead. Ok, I'm exaggerating, but you get the idea.

I'd be encouraged that he changed course based on your information re: when you ovulated last time. Sounds like he knows you have the best information about your body, and listens to it. It could be that he has a terrible patient manner but is a good doctor who knows what to do to make this "wild shot" a good one!

Here's my advice and please feel free to ignore it! You've done this a lot - you know a lot - and you've been successful before. Think about what you want and then call the clinic tomorrow. Say something like you had yr appt yesterday and there are several things you'd like. You'd like to hear more clearly about any risks involved w/ effexor (were you taking it or something similar before? You know your experience way better than he) and whether there is anything you can read about it that they can point you to. Say that you'd like to know how many follicles he saw if he noted it, and/or whether it looked like a high or low number to him. If you want to be monitored differently, tell them that. Say this is how I successfully became pregnant before and I would like to do it that way again, it would make me more comfortable, and I'll pay for it. You don't have to be rude, you can be very kind and direct. And the wild shot comment? Yea, well, tell him in your mind (or in person, if it comes up again) that's the way I am, and that's what I want to do. I'm glad you're here to help me with it! He's not one (it sounds like!) to be touchy feely with. He's more like a plumber or a car mechanic. Use him that way.

Ok, I hope I don't offend everyone and their aunt by this post. But GEEZ!! You got crappy service today and you need a strategy for coping or the treatment is going to be really hard to go through! Good luck! And remember - ALL treatment works sometimes! You just don't know when it's going to be you! Keep us posted!
-maria2

[DeeMarie]

I second that CS & Maria! Ugh...what a JERK!! I need someone with at least a little bedside manner! Maybe he just was having a bad day! But you do need to get your questions answered. {{{hugs}}}

[Annaandy]

I third that!! he is a jerk and I would get on the phone with my other RE and explain to him what had happened, WE PAY A LOT of money and he should of treated you like a queen, no reason for you to feel sad and confused oon your visit, keep calling until you get the answers you need!!!!!

[littlecalista]

Yikes! What a jerk!

(pg ment'd)

Ok now I've got a story of encouragement for you! I've been told by 3 RE's that I need donor eggs because my egg quality is so poor and my reserve is low. I'm nearing early menopause (family history of it). My current RE said that if I did IVF again, I'd likely be on max stims only to get a few eggs, and we'd be lucky to have one embryo to transfer (this is how our 3rd IVF went). We told him IVf wasn't an option this time due to $$ so we'd like to try DIUI with our remaining donor vials. He agreed to let us to up to 4 DIUI's with Femara (my request) but he really thought our chances were slim at best.

DIUI #1 did not work. I made one follicle.

For DIUI #2 I took my Femara days 3-7 just like the first cycle, but I also ate 2tbsp of flaxseed (high in omega 3) to try to improve my egg quality. I had my first follie check on cd 10. I had 2 follicles ready (22.6 and 19.1), no other smaller ones, just those 2. I triggered that afternoon and did the DIUI 28 hours later. Our post wash motile count was 10 mil, my lining was 10.4. Some how I totally beat all the odds. We got pg with not one, but two babies!!

I say no matter how doom and gloom they are about your chances, there are always people out there who defy the odds. They are just odds, not certainties! You can't get pg if you don't try.

Good luck hun! I'm pulling for you!!!!!!

Angela

[BC-tnahope]

Is there any way you can find another RE?? TX is hard enough let alone trying to deal with a jerk like that. Good Luck

[hbby]

Sorry you are having to deal with this If it were me, I would drop him. This process is hard enough without having your RE be a jerk about it. You need to feel like he/she is in your corner, doing everything they can to get you pg. Too much emotion and money - you deserve to be treated with respect. Lots of

[btvictim]

WOW, he is definitely in the wrong business if that is his attitude!
Sorry.

[BC-donor]

I'm so sorry to see that he was such a complete idiot! Definitely time for him to get out of the business when he looses his compassion for the people he's caring for!!!