donor embies? did you tell others?

kellbell · 10-01-2006, 06:04 PM

Hi ladies--

I also posted this on the Frozen Transfer thread. My dh and I are considering donor embies after our two failed IVFs (both chemicals). We are just questioning how we would handle telling others, how we would tell the child, etc. Any advise?

kelli

Annaandy · 10-02-2006, 07:19 AM

My Dh and I decide not to tell enyone unitl and actual live birth, I do not need any more stress in my life then what I have now so that is what we opted for, and we do not plan to tell our child unless neccessary because I am the one carrying the child for the 9 months and I am the one nurturing and raising the child so we feel no need to tell but that is what we are doing it depends on how you and your dh feel is right for you.

DiIP · 10-03-2006, 08:18 AM

There is a pinned thread at the top of this board that gives a lot of information about what various folks have said about tell/don't tell issues.

IMO, it is up to each family to make the decision based on what they feel is best for their family and circumstances.

FWIW, we decided to tell early on, but have not yet found a way to start the discussion with our 5 year old. So ironically, although we've determined to tell, we still haven't! LOL.

kellbell · 10-03-2006, 02:11 PM

Thanks ladies for your replies. I appreciate the input. I did not see the sticky pinned to the top, but I just read it and it was very interesting getting everyone's points of views. We're not sure how we'll handle it yet if we decide to go through with donor embies, we'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.

Didi1 · 10-05-2006, 03:05 PM

Hi
I used donor embryos. Have a beautiful 3year old son. I told everyone in my life and received nothing but support and understanding. I plan to tell my son, as soon as he can understand. He has a little friend who is also a donor embryo baby and his mother also believes in total disclosure to the child. It's only fair (in my opinion, you have to put yourself in your child's shoes and I know that I would absolutely want to know). I consider myself the "biological" mom. The donors are the genetic parents... It's new territory, I guess we still have yet to invent the language to describe the relationships!

Best of luck,
Didi

Elly'sMom · 10-06-2006, 02:31 PM

We will tell also - we have an adopted child so it is very similar - our family accepted and loves our little one and this one (hopefully if it works) will be no different.

Everyone has different situations (family , friends etc) do whatever is good foryou and what will be good for the child to come.

10-06-2006, 11:15 PM

It's such a personal decision & there isn't only one answer. You have to really think about it & decide which option is best for you & your soon to be family. However, until you decide what you're going to do, it's best not to tell anyone at all. You can tell, but you can't untell.

Now that you've read the pinned thread, I'm sure that you have some different angles to see things from.

Whatever you decide to do is what's best for you & your family.

Annaandy · 10-09-2006, 04:55 PM

Can someone tell me where the pinned thread is so I can also read the success stories?, and my two cents is I agree with bc donor, you can tell but not untell, my dh and I decided not to tell anyone, its our baby and no matter what , where , how or why we did what we did in the end we have a beautiful precious life in our lifes and that is all that matters, Tell you mother that a dog and a child are different and to talk to you again when she is holding her granddaughter or grandson.

cs1984cs · 10-09-2006, 05:35 PM

It's at the top of this forum's page with the other two pinned threads. Here is the link

http://www3.fertilethoughts.com/foru...d.php?t=292990

bebe · 10-09-2006, 07:39 PM

NOTE:

The Pinned thread on "To Tell or Not Tell" on this site is BS. It has been edited so much by the BC that it is not a valid representation of the feelings of the members of FT. Threads by those of us pro-telling were either edited or deleted. I refuse to post on this subject anymore because she edits post to her liking.

Though it is truly a personal decision and there are a few exceptions, most all of the tons of research on this topic do more than lean towards telling.

I will PM you this note also because the BC will delete this as so as she reads it. PM me with any questions.

bebe

10-01-2006, 06:04 PM	#1 (permalink)
kellbell 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: midwest Posts: 3,618	donor embies? did you tell others? Hi ladies-- I also posted this on the Frozen Transfer thread. My dh and I are considering donor embies after our two failed IVFs (both chemicals). We are just questioning how we would handle telling others, how we would tell the child, etc. Any advise? kelli

10-03-2006, 08:18 AM	#3 (permalink)
DiIP 5000-9999 post king of hearts Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 6,765 Blog Entries: 10	There is a pinned thread at the top of this board that gives a lot of information about what various folks have said about tell/don't tell issues. IMO, it is up to each family to make the decision based on what they feel is best for their family and circumstances. FWIW, we decided to tell early on, but have not yet found a way to start the discussion with our 5 year old. So ironically, although we've determined to tell, we still haven't! LOL. __________________ Warrior Princess D, Astro Slayer L born Oct 2001 C & R born Oct 2003 Don't you go looking for fair. Don't you expect a painless life. Don't go hunting for an easy road. Just you settle for wisdom.. T. Davis Bunn

10-09-2006, 07:39 PM	#10 (permalink)
bebe 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 1,065	Pinned thead is Bull is S__t!!! NOTE: The Pinned thread on "To Tell or Not Tell" on this site is BS. It has been edited so much by the BC that it is not a valid representation of the feelings of the members of FT. Threads by those of us pro-telling were either edited or deleted. I refuse to post on this subject anymore because she edits post to her liking. Though it is truly a personal decision and there are a few exceptions, most all of the tons of research on this topic do more than lean towards telling. I will PM you this note also because the BC will delete this as so as she reads it. PM me with any questions. bebe __________________ ME 43 DH 40, 7-02 (Domestic Adoption), 4-05 (DE #1, IVF #5), (M/C, Ectopic Pregnancy, Failed Adoption)

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10-02-2006, 07:19 AM	#2 (permalink)
Annaandy Registered User Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: FL Posts: 367	My Dh and I decide not to tell enyone unitl and actual live birth, I do not need any more stress in my life then what I have now so that is what we opted for, and we do not plan to tell our child unless neccessary because I am the one carrying the child for the 9 months and I am the one nurturing and raising the child so we feel no need to tell but that is what we are doing it depends on how you and your dh feel is right for you.

10-03-2006, 02:11 PM	#4 (permalink)
kellbell 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: midwest Posts: 3,618	Thanks ladies for your replies. I appreciate the input. I did not see the sticky pinned to the top, but I just read it and it was very interesting getting everyone's points of views. We're not sure how we'll handle it yet if we decide to go through with donor embies, we'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.

10-05-2006, 03:05 PM	#5 (permalink)
Didi1 Registered User Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 993	Hi I used donor embryos. Have a beautiful 3year old son. I told everyone in my life and received nothing but support and understanding. I plan to tell my son, as soon as he can understand. He has a little friend who is also a donor embryo baby and his mother also believes in total disclosure to the child. It's only fair (in my opinion, you have to put yourself in your child's shoes and I know that I would absolutely want to know). I consider myself the "biological" mom. The donors are the genetic parents... It's new territory, I guess we still have yet to invent the language to describe the relationships! Best of luck, Didi

10-06-2006, 02:31 PM	#6 (permalink)
Elly'sMom 700-799 post 9 of hearts Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 770	We will tell also - we have an adopted child so it is very similar - our family accepted and loves our little one and this one (hopefully if it works) will be no different. Everyone has different situations (family , friends etc) do whatever is good foryou and what will be good for the child to come.

10-06-2006, 11:15 PM	#7 (permalink)
BC-donor Guest Posts: n/a	It's such a personal decision & there isn't only one answer. You have to really think about it & decide which option is best for you & your soon to be family. However, until you decide what you're going to do, it's best not to tell anyone at all. You can tell, but you can't untell. Now that you've read the pinned thread, I'm sure that you have some different angles to see things from. Whatever you decide to do is what's best for you & your family.

10-09-2006, 04:55 PM	#8 (permalink)
Annaandy Registered User Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: FL Posts: 367	Can someone tell me where the pinned thread is so I can also read the success stories?, and my two cents is I agree with bc donor, you can tell but not untell, my dh and I decided not to tell anyone, its our baby and no matter what , where , how or why we did what we did in the end we have a beautiful precious life in our lifes and that is all that matters, Tell you mother that a dog and a child are different and to talk to you again when she is holding her granddaughter or grandson.

10-09-2006, 05:35 PM	#9 (permalink)
cs1984cs Registered User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 2,197	It's at the top of this forum's page with the other two pinned threads. Here is the link http://www3.fertilethoughts.com/foru...d.php?t=292990