New to board--donor eggs after 1 IVF?

Zephyr · 09-24-2006, 04:02 PM

Like many people here, my DH and I have a complicated diagnosis. He banked sperm after undergoing chemo several years ago, and we have 3 vials left. I am 30, but have high FSH, and we discovered after our first IVF--and only attempt to conceive so far--that my eggs are very bad quality. We did an antagonist protocol, 600 IU/day, acupunture, assisted hatching, and ICSI, but despite all that we only had 1 bad quality embryo to transfer. Not surprisingly, BFN.

So now we are seriously considering moving on to donor eggs. The doc gave us a less than 1% chance of a healthy full term delivery using my eggs, so it makes sense by the numbers. But I am hung up on the fact that I've only had one chance to get pregnant with my eggs, ever! We could do another IVF using my eggs, but that would probably be a waste of one of DH's three vials of sperm. Or we could move on to donor eggs, and have a good chance of success.

Has anyone else been shell-shocked by a sudden diagnosis that pushed you to donor eggs? Does it seem reasonable to move to donor eggs after 1 IVF/attempt to conceive, given the above? Should I just see the silver lining in our situation, that we found out quickly and didn't have to suffer through years of monthly disappointment? I am having trouble getting perspective on things, and would appreciate input, whatever it may be.

Thanks for reading.

Zephyr (long time lurker!)

**BC-donor** · 09-25-2006, 07:46 AM

I was shell shocked too. I never even got the chance to attempt an IVF because of my dx. When they did my intial b/w, they found that my hormones were so sky high that they knew something was seriously wrong. I was given a less than 1% chance of ever conceiving with my own eggs.

Yup, that hurt. I was very young too, so I really felt like I never even had a chance to try to get pregnant with my husband. Like you, I felt that the silver lining was that I didn't have to face years of heartache over failed cycles, so at least we didn't waste time or money. It took me many years before I was able to see that "silver lining" though. We did spend many years agonizing over being told that we'd have to use DE or never have children.

I know that it's confusing, frustrating & leaves you feeling incredibly angry, but honestly, I wouldn't waste those 3 precious vials of sperm on more attempts when your odds of success are so low. If you didn't have to worry about using banked sperm, then I'd probably say that if you could afford to do it, try another cycle with your eggs, using a different protocol or perhaps a new RE, but given that you have to be careful with the 3 vials you have, I say just move over to DE- when you're ready.

It's not where the teeny little cell comes from that makes the child or the Mother. The Mother is the one who carries the child, who loves the child, who nurtures the child, who gives everything selflessly for her child- that's what makes a Mommy. The donor is only giving a tiny piece of a cell, but you & your body make the child who he/she will become.

**BC-MAV** · 09-25-2006, 08:01 AM

How high is your FSH? I was told when I was quite young after doing my 1st IVF and only retrieving 5 eggs and having 3 fertilize that I might need donor egg. My FSH was low but with the results of that IVF the RE just out said it and I was SHOCKED! I went to another RE because I disagree on the IVIg protocol the 1st RE said was absolutely necessary. The 2nd RE said the IVIg protocl isn't proven, probably not harmful, but to really assess whether my eggs were "bad" he would need to do another IVF. Had a GREAT IVF... retrieved 12 eggs.... good fertilization... great quality embryos. So at that point I realized I did not need donor eggs. 1 BAD IVF does not ensure another one.

cs1984cs · 09-25-2006, 12:16 PM

I understand how you feel. I went to the RE to have a complete overall before we TTC for various reasons. After the battery of tests, my DH was fine, but I was not. We only have tried naturally and, right now, I have a better chance at hitting the winning lottery numbers than get pg. The RE told us that our best chance was DE IVF, that it would be a waste of our time, money and emotions to try a plain IVF. The ultimate question was what mattered to us the most, being parents or having a child genetically connected to both of us.

It took a very long time for me to deal with this issue. Ultimately, we took inventory of our resources, feelings and time; our conclusion coincided with that of the RE in our own way, being parents was more important. I still had to mourn the genetically-related child I'll never have before we could move on though.

Good luck with your decision.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zephyr

Has anyone else been shell-shocked by a sudden diagnosis that pushed you to donor eggs? Does it seem reasonable to move to donor eggs after 1 IVF/attempt to conceive, given the above? Should I just see the silver lining in our situation, that we found out quickly and didn't have to suffer through years of monthly disappointment? I am having trouble getting perspective on things, and would appreciate input, whatever it may be.

flicka7 · 09-25-2006, 02:14 PM

It would be easy for me to say, don't waste your time and money on attempts that probably won't work. That's what I'd LIKE to say, but I had to learn the hard way, cause I didn't want to give up. 6 IVF's with my own eggs, even after the first one only yielded one average embryos and a BFN.

I now have a 13 month old son and twins on the way from one donor egg cycle. It took me a long time and a TON of money to get there, but I finally did. It was easier for me to accept using donor eggs after so many failures. BUT the failures are so painful.

Good Luck with your decision!

CrystalAZ · 09-25-2006, 02:55 PM

Yes, I was shocked by having to go to donor eggs. I have a low FSH, I respond wonderfully to meds, but they simply can't get to my ovaries to get the eggs out.

I never even got one real try with my own eggs.

Imagine that you have a child through donor eggs. Do you imagine yourself feeling fulfilled or do you imagine (even though you love your child) that you are full of regret for not trying again?

There are REs who specialize in high FSH cases. You may want to post on the IVF board asking for recommendations from other high FSH women.

Crystal

Zephyr · 09-25-2006, 08:18 PM

Thank you so much for all of your thoughts. You've given me new ways to look at our situation, which is very helpful.

My FSH is not *that* high. It measured at 10.4, but my E2 was only 15, so my RE said that my FSH was probably more like 12. I trust my doc--he does specialize in high FSH, and was initially optimistic because of my relatively young age. I think his very bad diagnosis after the IVF cycle was based not only on the end result of 1 poor quality embryo, but also on the subjective appearance of the eggs they retrieved. They got 4 eggs, but all of them were grainy and generally looked bad.

I am going to think on this, especially the questions of how attached I am to the idea of a genetic child (becoming less so...), and whether I would regret not trying again. It helps so much to know that there are other women out there who have had similar experiences and decided to move quickly on to donor eggs, and for those of you who have experienced multiple losses, my heart goes out to you. My experience with one loss has been difficult enough to give me some idea of how strong you are!

One thing I do know is that even before we did our cycle (but after we got my FSH results!), I was glad that the option of donor eggs was out there, so that I'd have a good chance of getting pg even if my eggs didn't work out. So it's always been on the table for us. Today I am just grateful that we still have that option, and that our chances are so much better with DE.

Thanks again. You are an amazing group of women!

Annaandy · 09-27-2006, 11:49 AM

i just recently actually today found out I have to definitely use donor eggs and I am thrilled because no matter what I will carry and love that child as my own meaning genetic plus she will have my husbands genes so half is better then none, just thought I would throw in my 2 cents, goodluck in whatever you decide

kristin o. · 10-01-2006, 12:47 PM

Hi-I'm really glad I found this post. After going through 3 failed sperm washes and a canceled cycle of IVF (I didn't respond to the medication, and was on the most aggressive dosage they will give due to the fact that I only produced 6 eggs to begin with), we were told that our chances of conceiving naturally were basically 0 (dh has low sperm count and motility), we could try doing IVF using my own eggs, but there is only a 25% chance that that will work.
our best bet is donor egg. I too was shocked. I am trying so hard to understand and move past my grief in not being able to have my own child genetically. I already have a six year old son, and I so love seeing my qualities in him.
Reading your posts have helped me. I am still wondering if I'll ever concede to doing IVF...my dh would like to, but he understands that it has to be a mutual decision.

littlecalista · 10-01-2006, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sanddollar

I think especially in your case of having only 3 vials of sperm that you might want to think like she did..Use Donor Egg now using one vial. If it works great we have a child/ren. then you can always try AGAIN using your eggs down the road!

I tend to disagree with this a bit. If you think you're going to want to try with your eggs again I would do that *first*, then move onto egg donor if necessary. Not because of the genetics, but because time will likely make what eggs you have worse, not better.

Since you are doing IVF with ICSI they will only need one vial per IVF cycle so you've got 3 more IVF's worth of sperm left. I know it's a tough decision, but I personally would have to try a new protocol first to see if it yeilded better results before moving onto donor egg. You'd still have 2 more vials of sperm to use with an egg donor if need be.

Good luck with whatever you decide!!

Angela

09-24-2006, 04:02 PM	#1 (permalink)
Zephyr Registered User Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 10	New to board--donor eggs after 1 IVF? Like many people here, my DH and I have a complicated diagnosis. He banked sperm after undergoing chemo several years ago, and we have 3 vials left. I am 30, but have high FSH, and we discovered after our first IVF--and only attempt to conceive so far--that my eggs are very bad quality. We did an antagonist protocol, 600 IU/day, acupunture, assisted hatching, and ICSI, but despite all that we only had 1 bad quality embryo to transfer. Not surprisingly, BFN. So now we are seriously considering moving on to donor eggs. The doc gave us a less than 1% chance of a healthy full term delivery using my eggs, so it makes sense by the numbers. But I am hung up on the fact that I've only had one chance to get pregnant with my eggs, ever! We could do another IVF using my eggs, but that would probably be a waste of one of DH's three vials of sperm. Or we could move on to donor eggs, and have a good chance of success. Has anyone else been shell-shocked by a sudden diagnosis that pushed you to donor eggs? Does it seem reasonable to move to donor eggs after 1 IVF/attempt to conceive, given the above? Should I just see the silver lining in our situation, that we found out quickly and didn't have to suffer through years of monthly disappointment? I am having trouble getting perspective on things, and would appreciate input, whatever it may be. Thanks for reading. Zephyr (long time lurker!)

09-25-2006, 07:46 AM	#2 (permalink)
BC-donor 500-599 post 7 of hearts Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 587	I was shell shocked too. I never even got the chance to attempt an IVF because of my dx. When they did my intial b/w, they found that my hormones were so sky high that they knew something was seriously wrong. I was given a less than 1% chance of ever conceiving with my own eggs. Yup, that hurt. I was very young too, so I really felt like I never even had a chance to try to get pregnant with my husband. Like you, I felt that the silver lining was that I didn't have to face years of heartache over failed cycles, so at least we didn't waste time or money. It took me many years before I was able to see that "silver lining" though. We did spend many years agonizing over being told that we'd have to use DE or never have children. I know that it's confusing, frustrating & leaves you feeling incredibly angry, but honestly, I wouldn't waste those 3 precious vials of sperm on more attempts when your odds of success are so low. If you didn't have to worry about using banked sperm, then I'd probably say that if you could afford to do it, try another cycle with your eggs, using a different protocol or perhaps a new RE, but given that you have to be careful with the 3 vials you have, I say just move over to DE- when you're ready. It's not where the teeny little cell comes from that makes the child or the Mother. The Mother is the one who carries the child, who loves the child, who nurtures the child, who gives everything selflessly for her child- that's what makes a Mommy. The donor is only giving a tiny piece of a cell, but you & your body make the child who he/she will become. __________________ Multiple DE cycles, finally successful

09-25-2006, 02:14 PM	#5 (permalink)
flicka7 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: May 2003 Location: NW Suburbs of Chicago Posts: 2,441	It would be easy for me to say, don't waste your time and money on attempts that probably won't work. That's what I'd LIKE to say, but I had to learn the hard way, cause I didn't want to give up. 6 IVF's with my own eggs, even after the first one only yielded one average embryos and a BFN. I now have a 13 month old son and twins on the way from one donor egg cycle. It took me a long time and a TON of money to get there, but I finally did. It was easier for me to accept using donor eggs after so many failures. BUT the failures are so painful. Good Luck with your decision! __________________ Me & DH, 45 POF, 6 IVF's, 2 m/c, finally successful with DE , twins &

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09-25-2006, 08:01 AM	#3 (permalink)
BC-MAV Board Coordinator for Surrogacy BB Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: way down yonder ... Posts: 29,651 Blog Entries: 50	How high is your FSH? I was told when I was quite young after doing my 1st IVF and only retrieving 5 eggs and having 3 fertilize that I might need donor egg. My FSH was low but with the results of that IVF the RE just out said it and I was SHOCKED! I went to another RE because I disagree on the IVIg protocol the 1st RE said was absolutely necessary. The 2nd RE said the IVIg protocl isn't proven, probably not harmful, but to really assess whether my eggs were "bad" he would need to do another IVF. Had a GREAT IVF... retrieved 12 eggs.... good fertilization... great quality embryos. So at that point I realized I did not need donor eggs. 1 BAD IVF does not ensure another one.

09-25-2006, 02:55 PM	#6 (permalink)
CrystalAZ 10000-15000 post ace of hearts Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Phoenix AZ & Flagstaff, AZ Posts: 10,836 Blog Entries: 455	Yes, I was shocked by having to go to donor eggs. I have a low FSH, I respond wonderfully to meds, but they simply can't get to my ovaries to get the eggs out. I never even got one real try with my own eggs. Imagine that you have a child through donor eggs. Do you imagine yourself feeling fulfilled or do you imagine (even though you love your child) that you are full of regret for not trying again? There are REs who specialize in high FSH cases. You may want to post on the IVF board asking for recommendations from other high FSH women. Crystal

09-25-2006, 08:18 PM	#7 (permalink)
Zephyr Registered User Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 10	Thank you so much for all of your thoughts. You've given me new ways to look at our situation, which is very helpful. My FSH is not that high. It measured at 10.4, but my E2 was only 15, so my RE said that my FSH was probably more like 12. I trust my doc--he does specialize in high FSH, and was initially optimistic because of my relatively young age. I think his very bad diagnosis after the IVF cycle was based not only on the end result of 1 poor quality embryo, but also on the subjective appearance of the eggs they retrieved. They got 4 eggs, but all of them were grainy and generally looked bad. I am going to think on this, especially the questions of how attached I am to the idea of a genetic child (becoming less so...), and whether I would regret not trying again. It helps so much to know that there are other women out there who have had similar experiences and decided to move quickly on to donor eggs, and for those of you who have experienced multiple losses, my heart goes out to you. My experience with one loss has been difficult enough to give me some idea of how strong you are! One thing I do know is that even before we did our cycle (but after we got my FSH results!), I was glad that the option of donor eggs was out there, so that I'd have a good chance of getting pg even if my eggs didn't work out. So it's always been on the table for us. Today I am just grateful that we still have that option, and that our chances are so much better with DE. Thanks again. You are an amazing group of women!

09-27-2006, 11:49 AM	#8 (permalink)
Annaandy Registered User Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: FL Posts: 368	i just recently actually today found out I have to definitely use donor eggs and I am thrilled because no matter what I will carry and love that child as my own meaning genetic plus she will have my husbands genes so half is better then none, just thought I would throw in my 2 cents, goodluck in whatever you decide

10-01-2006, 12:47 PM	#9 (permalink)
kristin o. Registered User Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: longmont, co Posts: 1	Hi-I'm really glad I found this post. After going through 3 failed sperm washes and a canceled cycle of IVF (I didn't respond to the medication, and was on the most aggressive dosage they will give due to the fact that I only produced 6 eggs to begin with), we were told that our chances of conceiving naturally were basically 0 (dh has low sperm count and motility), we could try doing IVF using my own eggs, but there is only a 25% chance that that will work. our best bet is donor egg. I too was shocked. I am trying so hard to understand and move past my grief in not being able to have my own child genetically. I already have a six year old son, and I so love seeing my qualities in him. Reading your posts have helped me. I am still wondering if I'll ever concede to doing IVF...my dh would like to, but he understands that it has to be a mutual decision.