Frozen Embryos donation after successful IVF

[BC-MAV]

I could never do #2 or #4 and it's actually illegal in our state to dispose of embryos or to use them in research. I would do #1 and try a FET, but my chances are so slim. And I would do #3 if I could find the right couple and have contact.

[Janet_P]

I have no idea what you're going through. I've never had embryos of my own....but I am the mother of a wonderful little boy that I have as a result of donated embryos. Everyday I thank God that someone donated their embryos so I could experience motherhood. It was my only chance at having a pregnancy. I cannot stress what a great experience it has been.

It will be interesting to see if he is curious about his biological parents. I plan on being very open with him about the circumstances of his birth. I know very little about his biological parents.

I guess I'm trying to say that if you donate your embryos, you have a chance to make someone else's dream come true. It would be a selfless act and what a hard decision to make! Good luck.

[SammysMom]

I have 12 embryos and will only donate them to a family member. So, either someone faces infertility challenges in our family in the future or I'll pay for them until I die and leave the decision to my kids.

[NJHeidi.]

Wow, it's intersting to see so many people facing this same issue. We have 7 frozen embies and I'm planning on holding on to them for another year or two, then donating them to another couple. I say that fully realizing that there may be a knock on my door someday from one of the potential children, but then again, as an adoptee, I was a "knock on someone's door" too. I would rather live w/ the consequences of allowing the embies to become babies (children, people), then live with the guilt of never giving them a chance.

[Boxermom]

I am in the same situation Janet P is in. I have a wonderful 14 month DD from donor embryos. I am so thankful and eternally grateful that another couple was selfless enough to donate their embryos to DH and I. I love being a mother and I truly feel that DD was "created" just so I could be her mommy! Our "adoption" was anonymous, so I will never have a chance to know or meet DD genetic parents. I am sad for DD because I know she has siblings out there that she will never know. We are definitely going to be open with DD about where she came from and how we were blessed to have her be in our family. I hope she can accept that she won't be able to track that couple down, unless laws change in the future.

If we ever are able to adopt another batch of embryos I would hope it would be at least a partially "open" situation. Just know that if you do donate your embryos you are giving the most wonderful gift to another couple and you are helping to make their lives more complete. I honestly don't think you will ever regret your decision. Good luck with your decision!

Michelle
DD 7-11-05

[poppan]

I'm not at a place where we need to make a decision, but I have thought about it a lot already.

If we have embryos left after we have completed our family, I would either:

- Do unmedicated transfers timed to my natural cycle, with no supporting drugs or hormones. I feel this would give them a chance, but because I have immune issues it may not be a very high chance if I do not do IVIg to suppress my abnormal immune response. Still, it's a chance.
- Donate but probably only to friends or family. I feel very responsible for my embryos, they are still my children even if only a few days old. I have great sympathy for all infertile couples but I am very reluctant to "interview" couples -- I feel I won't get enough information from just meeting them once or twice. At this point I do not feel I could donate anonymously -- I need to know they are going to a good home, to parents who have similar values as we do, who have a good relationship and would model that for the children.

P.S. Someone at my RE's free intro seminar asked how long embies can be frozen for. My RE said as far as they know, "a long time" and that the oldest embryos he had worked with that resulted in a live birth, had been frozen for ten years. He said there did not seem to be any degradation from being frozen for longer but he could not tell us for sure as there had not been any studies done.

[sawamo]

We also have a child from donor embryos, a 3 year old son. In our case the RE had worked with us over a couple of years and the donating couple left it up to him to offer the embryos. As far as I know he only offered donor embryos to patients who had been unsucessful with their own IVF. We know our son has siblings out there and we have left identifying information with the RE in the event that the other couple wants contact. We are open with our son about his origins. Our case may be a little different b/c the donating couple had used both an egg donor and a sperm donor so they do not have a genetic connection to the embryos they donated - perhaps that made the decision easier.

I just want to say that this has been a wonderful experience and we feel so lucky to have him and I would encourage others to donate. We are friends with another FT couple with a donor embyro child the same age as ours and I know they cherish and dote on their son just as we do ours. Prior to doing the procedure I spoke with two families raising donor embryo children and they were all extremely happy. In both cases the parents said they wouldn't trade their children for bio children. I know how they feel, I couldn't ask for a better son. Maybe you could leave it up to the RE, perhaps with the provision that the couple be open to contact later. I have also heard of lawyers who specialize in donor embryos - perhaps you could go that route. Anyway, good luck with this difficult decision.

Sarah

[Marci]

We are currently in the DFET life. After a surprise email (we'd been on the list 11 mths)
she and I became 'real' friends, we email almost everyday, talk on the phone occasionally, they will be coming from TX to VA to visit with us in 2 week (I'm terrified). We've been involved for 2 months. We know alot about each other, I made and sent them a scrapbook that I made - they loved it. My dh and her's are kinda not as natural as we are about talking on the phone. They can email, but their one and onlyconversation was a bit drab. But I think one their are here, we're all getting along, we go out and do things,Kevin and he will be able to just go downstairs to play darts, ping pong and fus-ball.

They told us were were the ones they had chosen about 3 weeks ago, as they were corresponding with another couple. I couldn't sleep, looking up flight tickets, deciding what to make for meals while they're here. We're hoping to be blessed with a cycle before Christmas (Wake Forest Univ) is 58% for FET's on each embie (we'll be transferring 2). It's great that I'm almost 40 but she was 32 when the embies were frozen - so now I'm considered 32!!!!

Anyway, my point, we couldn't be more grateful to this couple. It's been 4 yrs that they've been discussing it, praying over it, and knowing it was the right thing. They knew in their IVF(BFP) if there were extras (15), they would donate to another IF couple. They tried FET and it didn't work - so we have 13 healthy embies to work work - and God just happened to bless us with the funds to do 4 cycles!! Can you believe that?? This couple has been so awesome in their parenthood, their ability to love, and their generosity to not let the embies sit there while another couple ( especially one that had been ttc for 17 yrs).

I don't have the blessing of having extra embies (we only had 2 total to work with for us), I can't imagine leaving them there, suspended for yrs when I know I don't want more children. They would definately need to be human life - and I can't imagine the joy of helping another couple find the joy that we feel right now.

I wrote way to much - maybe not sleeping last nite and drinking about 6 cups of coffee so far is doing it. Sorry! Anyway, I guess you found my thoughts on it.

Blessings!

[Momtotwins]

My situation is alittle different. We used DE and dh sperm. After our first successful transfer which resulted in G/B twins we had some embryo's (2) left. We used them after 5 yrs and had a bfn We got a new donor and did a share that time we got 13. Transfered 3 , had B/B twins and froze the remaining 4. Some didn't look good enough to freeze they said. Anyway after 7 yrs. we tried again FET all 4 thawed and continued to grow but we had a bfn. we were devestated after all that time trying to decide what to do . We both felt we could not destroy or give to research. We felt strong about that. I would have given to another couple , but DH had some problems with that, so at 46 I agreed to try. I was crushed after all that time trying to decide and then mentally preparing myself and getting a gazillion tests to not have it work.... Well we then pulled together and did another shared cycle all our expenses are out of pocket and we are not even close to being well off it was hard to say the least. But we love our children with all our hearts and want more. well long story and it didn't end well we got 2 more BFN's one fresh and one FET. That was 1 yr. ago ,I so badly want to try again my RE wants me to do LIT and he feels a younger donor and transfering 4 would be the ticket.I would need a miracle at this point to make it happen. I often think back to when we only had our first set of twins all the years in between when the embryos were in the freezer and we let the clock tic,tic,tic. I wish we had tried sooner but I can't change that & I'm in this kind of hell right now I can't seem to get out of. I would donate any left over embyos to a couple in a heatbeat if I had it to do over again. That would have finalized it for us we could have moved on. Once we started down the road to reconcile what to do with the xtras it was hard and still is. I feel like IF has had the finale laugh and thats not a good feeling. sorry to be so long, good luck in your decision.

[july]

Thankyou, after reading all the posts to my original message, yours is the one that rings true to my heart. These embrios are MY children, but the problem with recipient families is if I were to donate them, they really don't want more than to e-mail and send me a picture.

I just know if I donate these embrios, I will forever look into the face of my 3 beautiful children and think of the embrios I donated and those children. I think I would long for them. Honestly, even though that is my only option, shy of paying for them forever until I die, I don't think I can go through with it.

Initially, I was going to donate them to my neighbor, but she is now adopting. That I could do, because I KNOW they are alright and where they are and that they are loved, and I can hug them and visit. I could accept someone else as their parents in that situation, I could say goodnight and know their mommy was tucking them in and loving them.

I just don't think I will ever find anyone else that I feel that good about again. I feel like an idiot continuing to pay to keep them frozen out of shear lack of decision. Worse, I'd have to win the powerball before we could afford more children.

I just feel completely stuck!!