? for egg donor recipients

DallasDonor · 09-12-2006, 06:52 PM

OK, guys... here's a wierd (paranoid) question for all you Egg Donor recipients out there...Currently I am in my 2nd cycle as an egg donor with my retrieval scheduled for Thursday morning... The first time I donated it was out of town so I never had to visit the doctor's office that much. BUT - now that I'm doing a local cycle I am constantly wondering and looking around in the waiting room at all the women in there... some with their husband, others without... and I'm wondering if the recipient is there too?? I'm pretty sure the recipeint KNOWS what I look like, b/c I put pics with my profile. My question is - Do you constantly wonder about your donor? Who she is? If she's there at the clinic? And if you did see her, would you talk to her? I'm just curious... I wouldn't mind meeting the recipient, but I always wonder about just how anonymous these cycles are. Anyone else have similar thoughts or experiences??

thebabyproject · 09-12-2006, 09:07 PM

Well, at my clinic they make very sure that our appts are not at the same time just to avoid people meeting up.

I haven't cycled yet, but I'm not hung up on meeting or finding my donor. I do worry a little about how she'll handle school and stims, if it'll interfere with her social life, stuff like that. She's 10 years younger than me, so more like a mom or big sister sort of thing.

Bless you for being a donor and if you are concerned about being "found out" ask the nurses if they are sure to schedule you separately. Also, the recipients have far fewer appts than the donors. I only will have two before the donor's ER and they should be ahead of the donor's as well as they want my lining to be ready to go before the donor starts stims.

HTH,
Emily

DallasDonor · 09-13-2006, 08:04 AM

I guess I didn't realize that the recipients don't have quite so many appointments. I have been to the dr's office 5 out of the last 7 days for b/w and sonos.
Good luck with your cycle!

cs1984cs · 09-13-2006, 09:58 AM

I will be the recipient of an anonymous donation. thebabyproject and I are pretty much at the same stage. My clinic doesn't tell me on what day my ED has appointments, just on which week. If we had to have one on the same week, they would schedule us on a different day.

I saw a picture of her, but that doesn't mean I would recognize her anyway. I would not go up to her to meet her should we be in the same space; in fact, I would leave or make other arrangements to not be face to face. In fact, while in the waiting room at the clinic, I never thought a minute about anyone in there being an ED or not. I just sadly thought that we're all in the same boat, some sinking faster than others and here to get "patched up."

My only questions I ask myself about her is whether or not she will be able to follow the instructions to the letter, make it to her appointments as scheduled, and be okay overall. So far she has been extremely proactive at making things move along that she is earning my trust which reduces stress.

I want to respect her privacy and I hope she will respect mine.

DallasDonor · 09-13-2006, 10:13 AM

That's good to know... I have been VERY careful to follow all instructions exactly. The agency I am with is very good at educating all donors and stressing the importance of making EVERY appt. They even tell us that car trouble is not an excuse... you just get a cab. I feel honored to be donating - that someone would go through all that time and money to be a mother. I have a child myself, and it makes me happy knowing that I might help someone else experience the joy that I feel. I couldn't imagine jeopardizing their chances.
Wish me luck... my retrieval is tomorrow morning. Last time I served up 33 eggs...I'm hoping it will be just as successful this time!

mis3nenes · 09-13-2006, 09:49 PM

My situation was a little different. DH and I wanted to meet our egg donor and we did so with a counselor present. I got permission from my RE to visit her after the retrieval which I'm glad I did. We exchanged information during that meeting and we have kept in touch since then.

She is an absolutely wonderful woman, and I can't imagine not having a relationship with her. I know my experience is not the norm, but it worked for us and we are extremely grateful to her for the gifts she has given us.

Good luck with your retrieval and God bless you for the gifts you will give your recipient.

DallasDonor · 09-14-2006, 06:12 PM

Well I'm resting this evening after a successful retrieval... the nurse said at last count I had between 33-35 eggs. This cycle went so much better than my first - I had NO nausea after the procedure. I was there at 6:00 AM and back home by 9:20. After sleeping 5 hours and having a sandwich I feel great, all things considered. I think the most frustrating part of being an anonymous donor is that I'll never know if my eggs resulted in a successful pregnancy for the recipient. At least that's how my agency works it. I can just pray and hope for the best.

The end of this donation cycle marks the beginning of my own journey in IVF land... my DH has male factor fertility probs and we are going to begin IVF w/ICSI this fall. I have our next appt with my RE on 10/23, so I'll probably cycle around Thanksgiving. I am actually using the money I got from this donation to help finance our own IVF. Anyhow, I think this forum has been a fantastic resource to me through all of this. I don't post much, but I have gotten so much out of reading your stories, your successes, your failures and your support.

**BC-donor** · 09-14-2006, 08:27 PM

Like the others said, as a recipient, we don't have hardly any appointments at all. Was I curious if our donor was there when I had my couple appointments- yes. But I also know that my clinic makes sure that they schedule donors & recipients to never be in the building at the same time, except when it's retrieval time & the DH's have to be there to give their contribution. But then, the donor is in the back & there is no chance for an accidental meeting. They are VERY careful about making sure that anonymity is not violated.

I don't know if this is going to make sense or not, but as for thinking of her- no, I never think of her in the way of wondering who she is, or whether or not my children look like her, or any of those things. I never think about the fact that my children are from a donor cycle. They have been mine since the retrieval was done- no if's, and's or but's. Also, I have never once looked at my children & wondered if they look like her. She looked so much like me that you'd have thought that we were sisters. The only times that I think about or even remember that we did DE is when I'm here, trying to help others who are struggling with making that decision to move forward with DE or those who are trying to come to grips with the news that DE might be their only option of ever having a child with their DH. When I do remember that we used DE to have our children, I am immensely grateful that there was a woman out there who was selfless enough, giving enough & amazing enough to go through the whole process, all to help a couple who she'd never even meet or see a picture!! I have written her thank you notes after each retrieval to thank her for giving us the chance of becoming parents. I also wrote to her after we had our children to tell her thank you for giving us the opportunity to make all of our dreams come true. I didn't tell her what we had or what their names are, but I wanted her to know that we were grateful for what she'd done for complete strangers. Since the donations are anonymous, I sent the donor coordinator the notes & asked her to pass them on to the donor.

You are a wonderful person for helping another couple out. Although you'll never know the outcome of the donations, you have given hope to someone when there was no hope left. And even if a pregnancy doesn't occur, you gave them a chance that they might not have otherwise had.

Good luck with your own cycle. I wish you the absolute best & I pray that you are successful on your 1st try!!

**BC-MAV** · 09-17-2006, 11:02 AM

WOW! That's an interesting journey. You are wonderful to donate your eggs and I'm sure that several couples are going to be happy parents because of you. And now it's your turn to experience that joy... I could not stand the "not knowing" so we went with a program where ED's and IP's get profiles of each other and pictures and detailed information. We emailed our ED, talked with her on the phone, met her, and had pictures of her. I wouldn't have it any other way. But even though you never met the couples you know they are so thankful to have someone so generous like you.

cs1984cs · 09-17-2006, 11:56 AM

DallasDonor,

In light of your donation, I would like to ask you a question, but before I want to say a few things as best I can. Sorry if it's rather disjointed.

I am curious as to your need for knowledge as to the outcome of the IVF with your IPs. In all, you have given them 33 to 35 chances as opposed to zero to get pregnant which is wonderful. The embryology outcome and the pregnancy or pregnancies outcome, to term or clinical, could have little to do with your donation in that there is still the IM's "hosting" which is at play, the IF's sperm, and still the probability of pregnancy is not 100% should absolutely everything be fine. Those little buggers have a mind of their own

I want to make sure you understand that the following question has no malice in it or any other negative connotations (it's hard to make sure that is the case when writing as opposed to a face-to-face conversation) I can see that it would be nice to know that the IPs finally have their wish come through and thus are even happier than the day they received your eggs as this happiness will be related to your donation.

Please, don't get offended, but, I think it is irrelevant for the ED to know in light of the above. Perhaps it's my paranoia that the ED will one day come back and try to get the child(ren) back somehow if she is certain that children where born of the donation. Personally, I feel grateful we have a donor at all, but I would feel suspicious at her wanting to know. The paranoia again.

Obviously, not knowing that you will not be told if there is a pregnancy etc was not a deal breaker for you; you still went through the donation. Also, in light of your having children of your own makes you less likely to come back to claim the child(ren).

Here is the question, for you and even other donors who would like to answer it, why do you feel compelled to know?

09-12-2006, 06:52 PM	#1 (permalink)
DallasDonor 300-399 post 5 of hearts Join Date: May 2006 Location: Dallas Area Posts: 357	? for egg donor recipients OK, guys... here's a wierd (paranoid) question for all you Egg Donor recipients out there...Currently I am in my 2nd cycle as an egg donor with my retrieval scheduled for Thursday morning... The first time I donated it was out of town so I never had to visit the doctor's office that much. BUT - now that I'm doing a local cycle I am constantly wondering and looking around in the waiting room at all the women in there... some with their husband, others without... and I'm wondering if the recipient is there too?? I'm pretty sure the recipeint KNOWS what I look like, b/c I put pics with my profile. My question is - Do you constantly wonder about your donor? Who she is? If she's there at the clinic? And if you did see her, would you talk to her? I'm just curious... I wouldn't mind meeting the recipient, but I always wonder about just how anonymous these cycles are. Anyone else have similar thoughts or experiences??

09-12-2006, 09:07 PM	#2 (permalink)
thebabyproject 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: South of Atlanta, GA Posts: 3,503 Blog Entries: 639	Well, at my clinic they make very sure that our appts are not at the same time just to avoid people meeting up. I haven't cycled yet, but I'm not hung up on meeting or finding my donor. I do worry a little about how she'll handle school and stims, if it'll interfere with her social life, stuff like that. She's 10 years younger than me, so more like a mom or big sister sort of thing. Bless you for being a donor and if you are concerned about being "found out" ask the nurses if they are sure to schedule you separately. Also, the recipients have far fewer appts than the donors. I only will have two before the donor's ER and they should be ahead of the donor's as well as they want my lining to be ready to go before the donor starts stims. HTH, Emily __________________ Severe MF w/SCSA 47% & DOR @ 32 DE IVF ICSI TESA#2 worked! Beta#1 3.5; Beta#2 13.8; Beta#3 58.6 Bethany Joyce born 5/16/08

09-14-2006, 06:12 PM	#7 (permalink)
DallasDonor 300-399 post 5 of hearts Join Date: May 2006 Location: Dallas Area Posts: 357	Donation #2 - A Success! Well I'm resting this evening after a successful retrieval... the nurse said at last count I had between 33-35 eggs. This cycle went so much better than my first - I had NO nausea after the procedure. I was there at 6:00 AM and back home by 9:20. After sleeping 5 hours and having a sandwich I feel great, all things considered. I think the most frustrating part of being an anonymous donor is that I'll never know if my eggs resulted in a successful pregnancy for the recipient. At least that's how my agency works it. I can just pray and hope for the best. The end of this donation cycle marks the beginning of my own journey in IVF land... my DH has male factor fertility probs and we are going to begin IVF w/ICSI this fall. I have our next appt with my RE on 10/23, so I'll probably cycle around Thanksgiving. I am actually using the money I got from this donation to help finance our own IVF. Anyhow, I think this forum has been a fantastic resource to me through all of this. I don't post much, but I have gotten so much out of reading your stories, your successes, your failures and your support.

09-14-2006, 08:27 PM	#8 (permalink)
BC-donor 500-599 post 7 of hearts Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 587	Like the others said, as a recipient, we don't have hardly any appointments at all. Was I curious if our donor was there when I had my couple appointments- yes. But I also know that my clinic makes sure that they schedule donors & recipients to never be in the building at the same time, except when it's retrieval time & the DH's have to be there to give their contribution. But then, the donor is in the back & there is no chance for an accidental meeting. They are VERY careful about making sure that anonymity is not violated. I don't know if this is going to make sense or not, but as for thinking of her- no, I never think of her in the way of wondering who she is, or whether or not my children look like her, or any of those things. I never think about the fact that my children are from a donor cycle. They have been mine since the retrieval was done- no if's, and's or but's. Also, I have never once looked at my children & wondered if they look like her. She looked so much like me that you'd have thought that we were sisters. The only times that I think about or even remember that we did DE is when I'm here, trying to help others who are struggling with making that decision to move forward with DE or those who are trying to come to grips with the news that DE might be their only option of ever having a child with their DH. When I do remember that we used DE to have our children, I am immensely grateful that there was a woman out there who was selfless enough, giving enough & amazing enough to go through the whole process, all to help a couple who she'd never even meet or see a picture!! I have written her thank you notes after each retrieval to thank her for giving us the chance of becoming parents. I also wrote to her after we had our children to tell her thank you for giving us the opportunity to make all of our dreams come true. I didn't tell her what we had or what their names are, but I wanted her to know that we were grateful for what she'd done for complete strangers. Since the donations are anonymous, I sent the donor coordinator the notes & asked her to pass them on to the donor. You are a wonderful person for helping another couple out. Although you'll never know the outcome of the donations, you have given hope to someone when there was no hope left. And even if a pregnancy doesn't occur, you gave them a chance that they might not have otherwise had. Good luck with your own cycle. I wish you the absolute best & I pray that you are successful on your 1st try!! __________________ Multiple DE cycles, finally successful

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09-13-2006, 08:04 AM	#3 (permalink)
DallasDonor 300-399 post 5 of hearts Join Date: May 2006 Location: Dallas Area Posts: 357	I guess I didn't realize that the recipients don't have quite so many appointments. I have been to the dr's office 5 out of the last 7 days for b/w and sonos. Good luck with your cycle!

09-13-2006, 09:58 AM	#4 (permalink)
cs1984cs Registered User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 2,198	I will be the recipient of an anonymous donation. thebabyproject and I are pretty much at the same stage. My clinic doesn't tell me on what day my ED has appointments, just on which week. If we had to have one on the same week, they would schedule us on a different day. I saw a picture of her, but that doesn't mean I would recognize her anyway. I would not go up to her to meet her should we be in the same space; in fact, I would leave or make other arrangements to not be face to face. In fact, while in the waiting room at the clinic, I never thought a minute about anyone in there being an ED or not. I just sadly thought that we're all in the same boat, some sinking faster than others and here to get "patched up." My only questions I ask myself about her is whether or not she will be able to follow the instructions to the letter, make it to her appointments as scheduled, and be okay overall. So far she has been extremely proactive at making things move along that she is earning my trust which reduces stress. I want to respect her privacy and I hope she will respect mine.

09-13-2006, 10:13 AM	#5 (permalink)
DallasDonor 300-399 post 5 of hearts Join Date: May 2006 Location: Dallas Area Posts: 357	That's good to know... I have been VERY careful to follow all instructions exactly. The agency I am with is very good at educating all donors and stressing the importance of making EVERY appt. They even tell us that car trouble is not an excuse... you just get a cab. I feel honored to be donating - that someone would go through all that time and money to be a mother. I have a child myself, and it makes me happy knowing that I might help someone else experience the joy that I feel. I couldn't imagine jeopardizing their chances. Wish me luck... my retrieval is tomorrow morning. Last time I served up 33 eggs...I'm hoping it will be just as successful this time!

09-13-2006, 09:49 PM	#6 (permalink)
mis3nenes 0-99 post 2 of hearts Join Date: May 2006 Location: CA Posts: 68	My situation was a little different. DH and I wanted to meet our egg donor and we did so with a counselor present. I got permission from my RE to visit her after the retrieval which I'm glad I did. We exchanged information during that meeting and we have kept in touch since then. She is an absolutely wonderful woman, and I can't imagine not having a relationship with her. I know my experience is not the norm, but it worked for us and we are extremely grateful to her for the gifts she has given us. Good luck with your retrieval and God bless you for the gifts you will give your recipient.

09-17-2006, 11:02 AM	#9 (permalink)
BC-MAV Board Coordinator for Surrogacy BB Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: way down yonder ... Posts: 29,651 Blog Entries: 50	WOW! That's an interesting journey. You are wonderful to donate your eggs and I'm sure that several couples are going to be happy parents because of you. And now it's your turn to experience that joy... I could not stand the "not knowing" so we went with a program where ED's and IP's get profiles of each other and pictures and detailed information. We emailed our ED, talked with her on the phone, met her, and had pictures of her. I wouldn't have it any other way. But even though you never met the couples you know they are so thankful to have someone so generous like you.

09-17-2006, 11:56 AM	#10 (permalink)
cs1984cs Registered User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 2,198	DallasDonor, In light of your donation, I would like to ask you a question, but before I want to say a few things as best I can. Sorry if it's rather disjointed. I am curious as to your need for knowledge as to the outcome of the IVF with your IPs. In all, you have given them 33 to 35 chances as opposed to zero to get pregnant which is wonderful. The embryology outcome and the pregnancy or pregnancies outcome, to term or clinical, could have little to do with your donation in that there is still the IM's "hosting" which is at play, the IF's sperm, and still the probability of pregnancy is not 100% should absolutely everything be fine. Those little buggers have a mind of their own I want to make sure you understand that the following question has no malice in it or any other negative connotations (it's hard to make sure that is the case when writing as opposed to a face-to-face conversation) I can see that it would be nice to know that the IPs finally have their wish come through and thus are even happier than the day they received your eggs as this happiness will be related to your donation. Please, don't get offended, but, I think it is irrelevant for the ED to know in light of the above. Perhaps it's my paranoia that the ED will one day come back and try to get the child(ren) back somehow if she is certain that children where born of the donation. Personally, I feel grateful we have a donor at all, but I would feel suspicious at her wanting to know. The paranoia again. Obviously, not knowing that you will not be told if there is a pregnancy etc was not a deal breaker for you; you still went through the donation. Also, in light of your having children of your own makes you less likely to come back to claim the child(ren). Here is the question, for you and even other donors who would like to answer it, why do you feel compelled to know?