Poll: What do you look for in a donor?

[Agnieszka]

Me again.

We are in the process of choosing a donor right now and it is so very, very hard. It feels like one of the most important things we have done in our lifes.

When you were choosing a donor, which factors were the most important for you?
- looks?
- health?
- character?
- similar hobbies?
- similar ethnic heritage?
-( )fill-in-the-blank?

EDIT: Which cryobank did you choose. Were you satisfied?

Thank you for any answers.

[kara6820]

Our criteria in a donor was
1. ethnicity
2. health
3. looks
We wanted to upgrade from me if that makes any sense. We wiped out any of the negative genetic facotrs that run in my family.

[Agnieszka]

Thank you for your answer. Which Cryobank did you choose?

[Laenae]

We used donor eggs.

Many factors contribued to our selecting our donor. Most prevalent in our minds was that she would have the same blood type as me. Next came looks, intelligence and ethnicity came last as we could not find one with our background.

[kara6820]

We started looking at the donor agencies, but then I ended up having a friend of mine donate. I think that was very formtunate on our part, still cost the same but now we will always know the family history with updates. I live in the Chicago area and there are a couple places to go, just do an internet search for your area to find some sources of agencies. Make calls and meet with the agencies to figure out which one you want to go with. Good luck to you! It is a very trying time going through this process but we all hope it is worth it in the end.

[cs1984cs]

We are using DE.

1st cut: ethnicity (matching either DH's and/or mine primarily with anything else okay so long it was caucasian. it's a broad cut to give us a lot of candidates to start with)

2nd cut: health (so long as anything marked was environmentally justifyable and not congenital, we overlooked it)

3rd cut: ED determined to finish what she starts feature based on application; ED is a long process so we want to make sure she is goal driven.

4th cut: looks (she would exhibit traits from one or several family members)

Skills, gifts, scores, personality, etc we didn't care for much except to get a feel for her determination to finish what she starts. We think that those traits are primarily environmental; for example, anyone can play an instrument given the proper environment.

[thebabyproject]

We're DE.

I think the best way to put what we were looking for was articulate and on the younger side. I'm an ethnic mutt so we both knew we wouldn't find a Syrian/Irish/English/German/French/Slav so we just stuck to Caucasian.

DH had a thing for height. He'd always prefer a taller donor vs. a shorter donor since I'm tall. We found it easier to go with brunettes since I am brunette, but we looked at blondes too and we didn't really differentiate between light brown/dark brown etc. Eye color didn't matter. I did also tend towards people of normal to lighter weight since DH and I both struggled with our weight. A lot of that is environmental, but we did want to give the children a shot at some lighter weight genes.

At first I'd look for the "best donor" and then I just realized that all these women were probably fine.

Emily

[maria2]

I spent SO much time on this board when we were in the stage you're in now, six years ago! You will make it through this. I can't believe how we finally chose our donors - some very last minute deciding, it all seemed very very messy at the time - nor can I believe how well it all turned out. As my mother in law says, God took care of it. We have two darling children via my eggs and two donors, and of course I'm biased!

Here's what we finally did, an organic process that kind of emerged. It is NOT politically correct at all, hope no one is offended by it, and I actually hesitate to share it, but I do remember how very very hard the process was for us so I will!

We first looked for similar height/hair to my dh and ethnic background to either dh or me. The reasoning there was that while we're disclosing, it makes things easier for both child and dad if appearances don't raise bunches of questions from strangers (knowing full well, though, that this is not a science! Just a crap shoot!).

Then we looked at education and test scores - not proud of that, but we're both really curious and knowledge-hungry people and thought we'd be good parents to a child with that kind of energy.

Then we looked at personality and interests. I think we both just really wanted to like the person, does that make sense? He didn't need to be like my dh, but interesting/engaging to us (hope that doesn't sound toooo weird!) and also philanthropic - interested in helping people. You know, like someone you'd enjoy having over for dinner. So, for example, my husband is a democrat and pragmatist. So if someone wrote that he was a strict vegetarian who didn't want to harm the earth's animals, that would go in the "throw" pile because he just sounded too self-righteous and overly idealistic; someone else of course might find that delightful and sweet; it was just our reaction. We actually chose one donor because when asked his favorite food he wrote "MEAT" in capital letters and it made us both laugh! Both donors we chose were interested in the theater, not our bent, except to attend a play, but we thought, we can tell our children (when they're adults) that we were helping starving artists and they were helping us!

Finally, we gave a pile of about 4-6 selections to the photo match person at the cryobank. Anyone who vaguely resembled DH stayed in the "keep" file, and then we went back to the last criteria - personality - to make our final decisions.

We used California Cryobank and got very good service from them. They've gotten better with their long-term services to clients in the last four years - very helpful once you've had a child in ways they hadn't really figured out when we first started with them.

Anyway, if you think choosing one donor is hard, it is even harder trying to choose a second donor for a sibling when you run out of vials of the first, so buy a bunch when you chose! But again, even there - here we are with our sweeties who are great friends and companions - God took care of it in the end anyway so if you have even a small bit of faith in the universe or the divine or whatever, you can be assured there's a big safety net under you. It will all work out! It took us hours and hours to chose our donors, but one of my closest friends who is totally different from me chose her donor in about 15 minutes. And had a darling little boy who is now in 2nd grade!
-maria2
mom to David 4.5 and Katie 2