Question for those disclosing.....

[50/50]

What is the extent of your disclosure?

[CJD]

Child only...I truly belive the child has a right to know. The child can then dis-close to whom-ever he/she feels appropriate.

[CrystalAZ]

Child and family - for us, our families have been closely involved in our IF struggles and know that we can't have a child genetically related to me. But our close friends only know that we are trying IVF again.

Crystal

[ms_sea]

We plan on telling our children....many others know...but wish now no one knew....until we told the kids....easier to not tell then to untell!
Tracy

[Kylie]

I picked child, family and close friends but my children's pediatrician knows too (off the record). None of our neighbors do. Actually dh's family doesn't know either, aside from one cousin. We aren't as close with them as my family, but I do know they will find out eventually. I guess either when dh feels comfortable or when the kids blab !

[Elann]

We pretty much tell everyone. My DH and I believe that there should be no stigma about it. Using donor now is like how adoption used to be - a subject that is taboo. We hope that it will become an accepted way of starting a family.

[maria2]

We think of it as an intimate detail about our lives, something we share with those closest to us. It doesn't feel shameful; it feels intimate - something that shows how deeply we are committed to having a family, and how deeply we love our children and each other. It almost feels like sharing our faith in God and the universe- not something we are prone to share with just anyone, only those who would respect the information, and would feel the kind of awe we feel about it.

I feel like I've made a couple of mistakes w/ disclosure, but not many, and veer towards being more and more conservative about who I tell - it's something I tell only people I really trust, have known for a long time, and who know and love my children. I am always wary of telling anyone I've heard talk about other people's intimate life details as part of regular conversation - figure if they do that about other friends they'd do it about us, and don't want it to be part of people's general converstion.

We told family for the same reason as the above post - want for it to be completely accepted/normal within the family.
-maria2
mom to David 4.5 yrs and Kate almost 2 yrs via my eggs and diui

[knittingmama22]

I voted full disclosure... though at this point I have only told less than 5 people. We have 2 adopted sons who don't look anything like us... and we have tried choosing donor embryos that will look a little like them (hispanic roots). So, for the sake of our adopted not-grown-in-my-uterus boys, we think it's important that they know that their siblings are also "adopted" even if they grow inside me.
Hope that's clearer than mud. If we weren't in this boat, I don't think I'd tell everyone.
Nancy

[thebabyproject]

Right now the people who know are few. My one aunt, my one best friend and my one sister. We will tell the children in the 4-7 age range, and then tell the rest of the family, though I toy with the idea of telling them all once I'm pregnant.

Emily

[sralli]

DH and I have told our families and I've told several of my close friends. I'm all for full disclosure and have no problem telling people. We will definitely tell the child. We met with a Social Worker a few weeks ago and we discussed telling the child. She suggested (and it sounds like a great idea) adding little comments to the child from the very beginning. Things like, "We needed a special seed to have you", etc... Just comments in normal conversation throughout their life. That way when they are told at the "right" age it won't be such a shock to them.

I hadn't thought much about it, but if you wait until the age where they can understand it might be too late, or may cause identity issues if you wait until they are teens. It all makes perfect sense to me and definitely something DH and I will try.