do you try to wait for the perfect one?

msalthea · 08-06-2006, 07:13 PM

I am in the process of picking an egg donor and have been given two profiles so far. Both are unproven, one is 26 and has one child and one termination, but her written answers on her profile have little substance, the second one has many qualities that I really like and really put allot of time and effort into her profile. However, she is 30 and I think this is close to the end range of being an egg donor? And there are two medical issues that I am questioning-MS in her brother and diabetes in her mother and uncle. But everything else I like. Do you start with high expectations and then lower them or compromise or wait it out for "the one". I guess I am alittle afraid that if I pass her up, there will be along wait and someone else will pick her and I will regret it. I guess I also feel I want to just do it now that I decided to to DE and get on with.

cs1984cs · 08-06-2006, 07:38 PM

I know exactly how you feel. I have looked at so many profiles. I can remember the first time being totally frantic, scared that someone else might snatch my only possible chance at a child. Still here looking at them after several months and passed a lot of ED over. It's become more annoying and disappointing than anything else when they don't pass the rest of the tests, but I believe that someone has to be out there and will come through for me and my DH. If I didn't, I would have stopped looking a long time ago.

I believe the bottom line is that you have to feel 100% comfortable with the donor. If you don't, can you put the fear aside and never regret your decision?

In terms of age, my clinic doesn't take anyone over 26. I know of others that do up to 32 though. I'd ask your RE what he thinks. Also, I'd ask him about the health issues, your concerns. If his answers don't put you at ease, perhaps you should move on.

In terms of little substance, I know what you mean. Nurture vs nature; where do you lean? What I try to read between the lines of the fluff part of the application is whether or not the donor is goal oriented, whether she finishes what she starts; is she determined?

50/50 · 08-07-2006, 06:46 AM

I think you need to go with your gut feelings on this one. When you find the "right" donor I think you will just know it. That is how I felt anyways.

Good luck to you!

harmankar · 08-07-2006, 09:54 AM

Between MS and Diabetes w/in her family.. I'm not sure that I would consider her. Perhaps you can do some search on MS and risk factors. Usually MS doesn't strike until the person is in their 20's. I don't know if the donor can be tested to see if she's a carrier.

but if you've only looked at two.. that's not many. Look more if your unsure.

Cathy

Quote:

Originally Posted by msalthea

I am in the process of picking an egg donor and have been given two profiles so far. Both are unproven, one is 26 and has one child and one termination, but her written answers on her profile have little substance, the second one has many qualities that I really like and really put allot of time and effort into her profile. However, she is 30 and I think this is close to the end range of being an egg donor? And there are two medical issues that I am questioning-MS in her brother and diabetes in her mother and uncle. But everything else I like. Do you start with high expectations and then lower them or compromise or wait it out for "the one". I guess I am alittle afraid that if I pass her up, there will be along wait and someone else will pick her and I will regret it. I guess I also feel I want to just do it now that I decided to to DE and get on with.

**BC-MAV** · 08-07-2006, 07:25 PM

The MS would make me not go with that ED. The diabetes... well was it late in life? That's pretty common. That wouldn't bother me so much. Unproven? I'll take an ED like that anytime. If the ED didn't write much how was her education? Perhaps she is doing it to further her education and she is highly educated but just didn't take the time to write a flowing lovely essay?

msalthea · 08-08-2006, 05:59 PM

thank you for the input. I never realized until I got into this, how difficult this is to choose

08-06-2006, 07:13 PM	#1 (permalink)
msalthea Registered User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: new jersey Posts: 2	do you try to wait for the perfect one? I am in the process of picking an egg donor and have been given two profiles so far. Both are unproven, one is 26 and has one child and one termination, but her written answers on her profile have little substance, the second one has many qualities that I really like and really put allot of time and effort into her profile. However, she is 30 and I think this is close to the end range of being an egg donor? And there are two medical issues that I am questioning-MS in her brother and diabetes in her mother and uncle. But everything else I like. Do you start with high expectations and then lower them or compromise or wait it out for "the one". I guess I am alittle afraid that if I pass her up, there will be along wait and someone else will pick her and I will regret it. I guess I also feel I want to just do it now that I decided to to DE and get on with.

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08-06-2006, 07:38 PM	#2 (permalink)
cs1984cs Registered User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 2,198	I know exactly how you feel. I have looked at so many profiles. I can remember the first time being totally frantic, scared that someone else might snatch my only possible chance at a child. Still here looking at them after several months and passed a lot of ED over. It's become more annoying and disappointing than anything else when they don't pass the rest of the tests, but I believe that someone has to be out there and will come through for me and my DH. If I didn't, I would have stopped looking a long time ago. I believe the bottom line is that you have to feel 100% comfortable with the donor. If you don't, can you put the fear aside and never regret your decision? In terms of age, my clinic doesn't take anyone over 26. I know of others that do up to 32 though. I'd ask your RE what he thinks. Also, I'd ask him about the health issues, your concerns. If his answers don't put you at ease, perhaps you should move on. In terms of little substance, I know what you mean. Nurture vs nature; where do you lean? What I try to read between the lines of the fluff part of the application is whether or not the donor is goal oriented, whether she finishes what she starts; is she determined?

08-07-2006, 06:46 AM	#3 (permalink)
50/50 Registered User Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 1,927 Blog Entries: 18	I think you need to go with your gut feelings on this one. When you find the "right" donor I think you will just know it. That is how I felt anyways. Good luck to you!

08-07-2006, 07:25 PM	#5 (permalink)
BC-MAV Board Coordinator for Surrogacy BB Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: way down yonder ... Posts: 29,651 Blog Entries: 50	The MS would make me not go with that ED. The diabetes... well was it late in life? That's pretty common. That wouldn't bother me so much. Unproven? I'll take an ED like that anytime. If the ED didn't write much how was her education? Perhaps she is doing it to further her education and she is highly educated but just didn't take the time to write a flowing lovely essay?

08-08-2006, 05:59 PM	#6 (permalink)
msalthea Registered User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: new jersey Posts: 2	thank you for the input. I never realized until I got into this, how difficult this is to choose