Not Again!

[cs1984cs]

I'm in disbelief. It happened again! Got a call from RE explaining the ED is not viable. Again, the reason cannot be overlooked; it's really disappointing.

I can't believe we keep on picking the wrong people. I feel like screaming. Could someone blow on my dice before I roll? Where is lady luck when you need her?

Trying to remind myself I should be content with what I have; I feel like some teenager who wants the one thing forbidden to her. I'm not yet exhausted, but getting there and I haven't even gotten off the start line.

Back to square one and none the wiser, I'm afraid,

CS

[JenNelll]

Sorry to hear that, it must be incredibly frustrating. I hope that things work out perfectly for you next time!

[CrystalAZ]

Is it a valid reason or is it time to look for another RE???

Sorry...

Crystal

[Annaandy]

I Agree With Crystal-find Another Re, Or Another Agency With The Ed. I Am Sorry For Your Fustration!

[Julie_MA]

Oh CS, I'm so sorry. You must be soooo frustrated. I don't know much about the DE process, we are using DS but, it just seems like this should be easier. I'm typically not a very lucky person or else I'd definitely offer to blow on your dice. Anyone else...

I know it's difficult but, try to keep your chin up. This will happen for you!!

Julie
diui #3...in 2ww
beta 8/12

[cs1984cs]

Hello ladies,

The reason is as valid as it gets. The ED has a medical condition such that she shouldn't donate at all; it could be detrimental to her and IPs. Personally, I'm not willing to take the risk. Supposedly, she forgot to mention it. My RE sensed that something was not right, figured it out, she admitted it, and he rejected her. Actually, I would hope all REs do interviews that thoroughly. It's frustrating alright, but safety above all.

At least one party is not forthcoming; it's obvious. RE and agency makes less sense than ED since it's really not in their interest, really. So I'll stick with them for now.

I will be reviewing new profiles with my DH soon. Hopefully, it will work out this time.

Back on the rollercoaster

CS

[Laenae]

Sorry you had to go through this. I know exactly how you feel. The same thing happened with us with our first donor. Luckily, our clinic does extensive tests and found that she was a carrier for Tay Sachs Disease. Although we paid over $3,500 to pay for her medical costs and paid for her trip to NY among other expenses, the money was worth it. We immediately cancelled our cycle and went on to select another donor. Many clinics do not check for genetic diseases as Tay Sachs. I am glad our clinic did. What does trouble me is that this donor stayed on with the ED Agency and donated to a few couples after we cancelled her. She was also successful. Most likely, the IPs were not informed of her being a carrier for Tay Sachs as their Clinics may not have requested such extensive medical testing on donors.

Good luck in selecting a new donor. I know it is frustrating because now you are back to square one and the wait to cycle will be longer. On a positive note it is good that you found out about this medical condition before going through with the cycle. God only knows what could have happened if you became pregnant and found out your baby had some genetic problem.

Best of luck to you.

[50/50]

I am sorry to hear your story. How unbelievable is that? I really hope that your next one is it! Wishing you much luck!


(((hugs)))

[cs1984cs]

Thank you for the replies to all of you. It really helps me staying leveled through this phase of the process.

Laenae, thank you for sharing; I don't feel as singled out now. It's the right and only possible decision, i.e. let the ED go and move on.

From what I have been reading over time on this bb, it appears that most people get lucky on the first try, but then I cannot help but to ask myself questions about why. I'm sure there is a certain degree of luck attached to it, perhaps our knowledge was too limited to start with such that we fell into every trap, and perhaps we're too suspicious, but I feel that it's better to be safe than sorry.

Anyway, the primary question to ask is: who gains what? so we know where to exert caution.

Typically, agencies pretty much get their big money as soon as you pick an ED from one of their profiles. Some will not refund any money if they prove they have reasonably attempted to match you which doesn't mean they can't send us profiles of a donor that is not even of the same race, imagine that. Some will rematch us at no cost which doesn't mean they really have to come up with anything in the end. Others are honest in that department and will really try. This is why the contract they give us needs to be reviewed by a lawyer so they cannot get away with just anything; your lawyer is there to negotiate the contract and let's not waive that right and blindly sign the agency's. Verbal agreements are not enforceable.

Make sure the profile the ED filled out for the agency is not 2 years and 2 donations old or somthing like that; things can and will happen in between then and now. The agency could very easily claim they didn't know that way, convenient, but true.

Make sure the RE is not taking just anyone; after all there is a lot of money in it for him/her. Ask a lot of direct questions about why the ED is okay and how he picks them. I think, for example, the karyotype is worth the 4 week wait; why, in fact, all REs don't recommend one is beyond me. Safety first and not just for IMs though.

Also, I keep seeing repeat donors pushed as a hot commodity because they have a high pregnancy rate, but it's not the whole story, is it? What if she only produced 5 eggs and only one made it through the IP got lucky with that one emby? If they want more they have to do it all over again now. More $$. Embryology and protocol/response is also very important; it's the RE's job to sift through all that, crosscheck the ED, and be ethical about getting back to us whether it will be uncomfortable or not for us. The EDs job is to be honest and not disregard her own health or that of the IM and resulting child(ren).

Who knows what else I'm not mentioning? The bottom line is caution with the party that has something to gain and how to cover our bottoms -- checks and balances.

That's what I learned so far,

CS

[DiIP]

When we were looking for a donor, I learned that some agencies pre-screen and some don't. It almost isn't worth going through an agency that doesn't pre-screen since you might pick someone who looks good, then fails physical or psychological screening.

I hope you are being offered donors that truly are being properly screened.