Questions on ED

[Annaandy]

Hi ladies I have a question on donor eggs, do you think I should go anonymous (spelling sorry ??) or should I meet the one who will be giving me my bundle of joy??? I need a little closure,,,,thanks, and if I find one out of state do I fly them in or do I have to pick from the state I am from??? i am real excited, did some soul seraching and I am ok with this now so going thru w/ donors egg

[CrystalAZ]

That's really up to you. I went anonymous, and I feel very good about the decision. I am in the 2ww now and when I rub my belly and talk to the embies, they already feel like MINE. I don't know if I'd have that feeling as strongly knowing I still had to talk to the donor about the children that came from her eggs.

But it is a very personal decision and ultimately one only you can make.

As far as the state, you can pick any state. BUT in the case of our agency you have to pay for all her travel PLUS the travel of a guide that will accompany her. That adds up.

We were able to find not only a donor in state, but also a proven donor so we cut some of the pre-screening costs.

Crystal

[Annaandy]

Thanks Crystal, I am seeing all my options and $$$$, its is very costly and my Re offers ED so I might just opt with them. Sending baby dust your way, good luck

[Laenae]

There weren't any local donors with my blood type that I liked from looking at the photos on the ED Agency website. Therefore, I chose an out of state donor. Our cycle was in the $50,000 ballpark. We paid for travel/hotel/taxi/food/misc. expenses. Our donor came to NYC twice and spent over 2 weeks in a NYC hotel. That adds up as you can imagine. We also had to pay for a companion to travel with her. While it did seem to be a costly undertaking at the time, we would do it all over again without hesitation.

It would have been great if I had a sister to donate to us. I do not have one unfortunately. I do think for us anonymous was the best way to go. While in my heart I would love to thank the ED personally for the gift she gave me, I don't know how I would feel if we met face to face to have a conversation. I guess I have these visions of the ED one day coming back and claiming "her kids" or something. I don't know. (Actually, on the day of her egg retrieval we happened to be on the same elevator believe it or not!!!! I, of course, had numerous pictures of her and spotted her right away in the hallway. It was eerie. She did not know me and DH of course.)

Good luck in your endeavor to complete your family.

[CTATigger]

Anna,
Congrats on coming to your decision.
We went with an anonymous donor (although we saw pics of her as an adult and as a child and have a 15 page profile filled out in her handwriting)
and we feel good about that. Really it's a personal decision. If you feel more comfortable meeting the donor, you can find one willing to do that.
You can get a donor via a clinic's donor pool, although some clinics then have waits and often they match you (meaning you don't pick your own donor out). You need to decide too if you want to see a picture of the donor. Some donor pool's don't give you that.
You can get a donor via an agency and you will probably have more choice and less wait time, but also have to pay more money (fees to the agency, etc.)
You mentioned your RE. I would check out what his success rates are with DE IVF and how many cycles he does per year. It's expensive (ours was around $20,000) and you don't want to waste your time, money and emotions on a crappy clinic. You can get an idea on the CDC website, but their published stats are always 3 years behind...(http://apps.nccd.cdc.gov/ART2003/clinics03.asp)
We live in Michigan but we actually traveled to Portland, Oregon, PCRM, to cycle. They have awesome success rates (right now they are at over 90% success for the year) and they have an affiliated donor agency with many great donors--many of them proven (successful donating previously).
We made a vacation out of our cycle.
Anyway, just wanted to mention our story because sometimes couples don't think about traveling to a top notch clinic to do their cycle but just go with whoever's closest.
You might want to join Mothers Via Egg Donors (MVED) at yahoogroups too, it's been a wealth of info. for me.
Baby Blessings,
Christine
Mom to DS, 11 months old