Question about ED???

Annaandy · 08-03-2006, 08:49 AM

Hi ladies I have a question on donor eggs, do you think I should go anonymous (spelling sorry ??) or should I meet the one who will be giving me my bundle of joy??? I need a little closure,,,,thanks, and if I find one out of state do I fly them in or do I have to pick from the state I am from??? i am real excited, did some soul seraching and I am ok with this now so going thru w/ donors egg

cs1984cs · 08-03-2006, 01:08 PM

Doing it anonymous or not is a personal choice.

Personally, I'm going for anonymous. I don't want the ED involved with resulting children or me and my DH; it just feels too weird. Also, since we're not going to tell the child(ren) we don't see any point in getting personal with the ED.

In terms of where to pick the donor, it depends on your budget. If none, then by all means, enlist all the agencies you can and get the best RE money can buy. Otherwise, shop locally and ask around; check your comfort level and compromise if you have to. Never say never is what I have learned so far

For some it's easy to find an ED and then there are people like me, it's been several months and 5 donors later, we're still not sure this one is the one until the RE sings.

Good luck,

CS

NJHeidi. · 08-04-2006, 05:20 PM

I went w/ anonymous. I know lots of people fee differently, but I felt that if I say the donor I would always be looking for her traits in my children. Just my 2 cents.

**BC-MAV** · 08-05-2006, 09:34 AM

Personally I would want to see the donor's picture and know something about her. Emailing her and meeting her was a nice bonus. I'd love to tell DS about how he came to be. ED is in no way "part" of our lives like as in "aunt" or "godmother" or seeing the baby. Even if she wanted to see the baby we'd be fine with that. He is ours.

**BC-donor** · 08-05-2006, 09:08 PM

We went with an anonymous donor. We have no desire to meet her or have her involved in our lives or our childrens lives.

This is a very personal decision though, so if you think you'd feel more comfortable with a known donor, then that's the route you need to go down. Even when you go with an anonymous donor you can sometimes see a picture of her to help aide you in your search.

You can use a donor in your state or out of state. If you have one out of state, you'll have to add travel expenses to your budget. If you want to use an RE that's local for her, then you'd have to travel to her state. If you use an RE in your state, then you'd have to pay for all of her expenses to your state. Honestly, I would start looking within your state, and more specifically, with your RE. If your RE has his/her own donor pool, you might just get lucky there!

Good luck with your search!

momto2boyz · 08-06-2006, 01:26 PM

If you chose to go anony I suggest finding a donor via an agency or using your donor pool through the clinic, that way if she is out of state you don't have to worry about coordinating the travel and all that with her directly. I will make for difficulties if you do, not being able to communicate directly. I am a donor and my IM had an anony donor the last cycle, she had to fly her in and provide meals and such for her, along with an escort to and from her appts all without being able to "see" her. It made it a bit difficult especially since it was an international donation. This time around she found me and we are doing an open donation. We will meet and see each other prior to the cycle however my IM will have the right to say to me she isn't comfortable with contact afterwards. I am totally okay with that. For me it's just important to get to know the couple I am helping, not be involved afterwards. I have no desire to be an "aunt", "godmother" or anything else.

Annaandy · 08-06-2006, 08:52 PM

Thank you ladies , lots to think about.

08-03-2006, 08:49 AM	#1 (permalink)
Annaandy Registered User Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: FL Posts: 368	Question about ED??? Hi ladies I have a question on donor eggs, do you think I should go anonymous (spelling sorry ??) or should I meet the one who will be giving me my bundle of joy??? I need a little closure,,,,thanks, and if I find one out of state do I fly them in or do I have to pick from the state I am from??? i am real excited, did some soul seraching and I am ok with this now so going thru w/ donors egg

08-04-2006, 05:20 PM	#3 (permalink)
NJHeidi. Registered User Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: NJ Posts: 1,778	I went w/ anonymous. I know lots of people fee differently, but I felt that if I say the donor I would always be looking for her traits in my children. Just my 2 cents. __________________ IVF #1 and #4 - BFP but early mc IVF #2, #3 and #5 - BFN IVF #6 - 8/03 de success story!! Ryan Evan is here !! Arrived 4/10/04 7lb. 6 oz.!! IVF #7 - 1/06 - BFN FET #1 - BFP 5/7/06 ; saw a hb 5/23/06 (edd 01/14/07)

08-05-2006, 09:08 PM	#5 (permalink)
BC-donor 500-599 post 7 of hearts Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 587	We went with an anonymous donor. We have no desire to meet her or have her involved in our lives or our childrens lives. This is a very personal decision though, so if you think you'd feel more comfortable with a known donor, then that's the route you need to go down. Even when you go with an anonymous donor you can sometimes see a picture of her to help aide you in your search. You can use a donor in your state or out of state. If you have one out of state, you'll have to add travel expenses to your budget. If you want to use an RE that's local for her, then you'd have to travel to her state. If you use an RE in your state, then you'd have to pay for all of her expenses to your state. Honestly, I would start looking within your state, and more specifically, with your RE. If your RE has his/her own donor pool, you might just get lucky there! Good luck with your search! __________________ Multiple DE cycles, finally successful

08-06-2006, 01:26 PM	#6 (permalink)
momto2boyz Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Michigan Posts: 106	If you chose to go anony I suggest finding a donor via an agency or using your donor pool through the clinic, that way if she is out of state you don't have to worry about coordinating the travel and all that with her directly. I will make for difficulties if you do, not being able to communicate directly. I am a donor and my IM had an anony donor the last cycle, she had to fly her in and provide meals and such for her, along with an escort to and from her appts all without being able to "see" her. It made it a bit difficult especially since it was an international donation. This time around she found me and we are doing an open donation. We will meet and see each other prior to the cycle however my IM will have the right to say to me she isn't comfortable with contact afterwards. I am totally okay with that. For me it's just important to get to know the couple I am helping, not be involved afterwards. I have no desire to be an "aunt", "godmother" or anything else. __________________ ~Alicia~ Mom 2 Ashton(2-29-00) & Jamison(7-1-04) SurroMom to Bella & Noah(6-2-03) Egg Donor x 1 Anon through Clinic Egg Donor x 2 Matched Indy/Known Donation~Cycling in June, Retrieval in Montreal. Cheering on my good friend Emily'sMom on her cycle!

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08-03-2006, 01:08 PM	#2 (permalink)
cs1984cs Registered User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 2,198	Doing it anonymous or not is a personal choice. Personally, I'm going for anonymous. I don't want the ED involved with resulting children or me and my DH; it just feels too weird. Also, since we're not going to tell the child(ren) we don't see any point in getting personal with the ED. In terms of where to pick the donor, it depends on your budget. If none, then by all means, enlist all the agencies you can and get the best RE money can buy. Otherwise, shop locally and ask around; check your comfort level and compromise if you have to. Never say never is what I have learned so far For some it's easy to find an ED and then there are people like me, it's been several months and 5 donors later, we're still not sure this one is the one until the RE sings. Good luck, CS

08-05-2006, 09:34 AM	#4 (permalink)
BC-MAV Board Coordinator for Surrogacy BB Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: way down yonder ... Posts: 29,651 Blog Entries: 50	Personally I would want to see the donor's picture and know something about her. Emailing her and meeting her was a nice bonus. I'd love to tell DS about how he came to be. ED is in no way "part" of our lives like as in "aunt" or "godmother" or seeing the baby. Even if she wanted to see the baby we'd be fine with that. He is ours.

08-06-2006, 08:52 PM	#7 (permalink)
Annaandy Registered User Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: FL Posts: 368	Thank you ladies , lots to think about.