Disappointed with first OB appt

[genie]

RE sent me to a high risk OB. At my appt today, I told him we used donor egg of a 27 year old and that I was still nervous about this pg especially due to the brown spotting I've had and the two previous miscarriages. He did nothing to alleviate my fears. He said that even with DE, a woman over 35 (I'm 38) still has a greater chance of miscarriage within the first trimester. So, even though we saw the heartbeat again today and it was measured at 152, I'm still a nervous wreck! And, on top of all that, I feel like I have to find a new OB because I just don't like this guy.

Why does it never get any easier???

To top that off, a 16 year old came in with her mom and four of her girlfriends while we were in the waiting room (waited an hour for my appt!!) and was loud and obnoxious. There's no father in the situation, the girl couldn't fill out her own paperwork and they talked total trash. At the risk of sounding like a snob, it just made me feel like, this is so unfair!!!

[babyfaith]

Definitely dump the Dr. There are so many wonderful OB's out there that can appreciate where you have been. If you have heard a wonderful heartbeat, hang on to that. Your baby is alive and well. That heartbeat rate is great!!!! Keep resting and taking care of yourself. How far along are you? Keep your head centered and your dreams alive. Rest your mind. When will you be finding a new OB? Regarding the 16 yr old and that situation, I can understand. Think of it this way, if they only didn't take life for granted they would be more sensitive to life. They are truly babies having babies.
Keep your chin up and starting loving the fact that you are preggers.

[BC-KarenS-MI]

Ditto what babyfaith said. Dump this doctor & find someone that you feel comfortable with. He had to tell you the truth & be honest with you, but he could've done it in a more gentle way. I'm curious, if you don't mind my asking (and if you'd rather not say, just tell me to buzz off), but why did your RE send you to a high risk OB?

The thing is this, when you're seeing an OB, you MUST feel confident & comfortable. You're entrusting both your life & health & that of your unborn baby's in their hands. Now, things can happen along the way that are completely out of anyone's control, BUT if you just don't feel comfortable there, then find someone who you can feel happy with. This should be a glorious time in your life & not one where you hate seeing your doctor. After all, you've waited for this moment for sooooo long & have gone through soooooooooooo much- you do everything humanly possible to see someone you like!!

As for the 16yr. old, ugh. I hear ya. I used to work in an OB office & I found out about my IF problems shortly after I started working there. It absolutely KILLED me to have a 14 yr. old pg patient. And when she was about 1/2 way through her pg, we had a 16 yr. old pg with #2. Talk about a killer!! I couldn't help but be angry, jealous & have the feelings of WHY, when I had to take care of them!

You've finally acheived this beautiful time so it's time to shine & bask in the glory of your amazing journey!

Enjoy your pg!

Karen

[thebabyproject]

Hugs, honey, most of this is so unfair.

And yeah, even though it's a pain, I'd check out some other OBs. I think you need someone that will at least try to understand your situation. I have to drive 45 miles to my "regular" OB because the ones here in town are too hmmm, let's just say inexperienced with infertility to get it.

Congrats on a beautiful h/b of 152!

Emily

[cs1984cs]

Hello Genie,

I remembered reading that women who use ED had a better chance at conceiving than women who used their own eggs, so I went on the web and tried to find something for you to read to put you at ease since your OB is a cold fish.

So here is the link to an article by an RE; pay particular attention to the section entitled , "Why does Fertility Decrease? The Debate Between the Eggs and the Uterus."

You should probably read the whole thing; it's really interesting: http://www.coolware.com/health/joel/aging.html

You could educate your OB if you feel encline to keep him, so there I believe in finding one we're comfortable with. I shopped around until I found the one; he is a pearl... now if only I could find an ED



CS

[BC-deanne]

You should go find a new dr. I hadn't heard that woman over 35 who use donor eggs were still at a higher risk for m/c. I was 42 when I had my son using donated embryos and I had an uneventful pregnancy. I'm also post menopausal. If I can get pregnant and carry a healthy baby then I don't see why you couldn't. I don't see why your dr had to be all doom and gloom anyway. Well thinking back the Peri I used was the same way. Told me I was high risk for preeclamcia and premature birth. Told me don't be surprised if I can't go back to work in the fall (I'm a teacher). She told me lots of crap and I never had any problem. So take it all with a grain of salt and enjoy your pregnancy.

Deanne

[genie]

I was so darn depressed yesterday (even DH was totally bummed out by it - he was at the appt with me) at the thought that I'd have to endure 7 months with a doctor I didn't like.

After reading all of your responses, I feel things are back in perspective and I don't have to go with this guy.

Karen, I don't know why my RE's office recommended a high risk OB. It was the ultrasound tech who gave me this guy's name. I'm going to call back to my RE's office on Monday and find out why. Yes, I had two m/c but one was my own egg and I have high fsh so I wasn't surprised by poor embryo quality. Second one was with a donor who turned out to have PCOS, she responded poorly, we only had three to transfer and none of them were even 8 celled on day three, again, poor embryo quality. So, maybe I shouldn't even be with a high risk OB!

cs1984cs, thanks for that link! It qualifies what you're saying, Leanne, it's about the egg/embryo quality, which I've always thought anyway. I believe my body is perfectly capable of carrying a baby. I'm healthy, have no uterine issues, yes, I have Hashimotos but I'm on Synthroid and it's under control. My mom and sister have it too, and both delivered 3 and 4 kids each! So, I've got to believe that my chance of m/c is diminished, especially after seeing/hearing that beautiful heartbeat. I hope I can find an OB who will be honest about what (if anything) is going on with me while helping me keep a hopeful attitidue about the pregancy.

Now, finding a new OB! hmmmm....

[cs1984cs]

I don't believe ED itself earns the title of high risk pregnancy. Multiples and our age, however, can do the trick among other things.

I found another link that outlines the steps in choosing your health care provider for pregnancy. This site is the best for medical info imho

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/pregnancy/HO00111

Just like thebabyproject, I found one that's a sizeable distance from my home, but I feel he is worth it.

Good luck,

CS

[cs1984cs]

Sorry this is so long, but here are some questions you can choose to ask to pick OB/GYN. Ask what you feel is relevant to your situation/philosophy; I tossed a lot out

What you want to look for when you ask them questions: Is he attentive, evasive, annoyed, short, embarrassed etc? What are his reactions when I ask the question. Does he seem to understand and agree with my philosophy? Do I feel I will have input or is he a control freak? Am I comfortable with him?

Have you had other patients in this situation, i.e. ED? Would you feel comfortable with this situation? What do you think about ED?

Does it pose unusual problems or do you see benefits?

Would I be considered a high-risk pregnancy? Why? Would I still see you if I am referred to a perinatologist and where does he operate from? Have you worked with him before?

Who are your backup practitioners if you're sick or on vacation? (Here is my due date, are you on vacation around that time?)

Are you the one that will deliver the baby or whoever is on call that day is?

When might I see them/Do you rotate appointments?

Would you say their views on pain relief, birth practices and pregnancy care are the same as yours?

Could you describe a “typical” birth? Would one go straight to the hospital or call you first?

Could you tell me your views on pain relief?

What do you recommend for normal pregnancy aches and pains?

I also have this condition ____________ , how do you recommend I deal with it?

I am taking this medicine ____________ on a daily basis; is that a problem?

When is medication used to accelerate labor?

Which birthing positions are you comfortable with?

Under what circumstances would you perform an episiotomy?

Under what circumstances would you perform a c-section?

What is your percentage of delivery by c-section and where those mostly for high-risk patients?

Could you describe a typical c-section?

How do you feel about scheduled c-sections as opposed to vaginal birth? (What if I were to ask for a scheduled c-section, what would your response be?)

Under what circumstances do you use forceps and vacuum delivery?

In my case, what tests would you recommend during pregnancy?

In my case, i.e. ED from ED x years old,what test would you typically recommend to assess the risks of birth defect?

Risks of those tests vs. benefits? Accuracy, is it worth it in the end?

If they are twins can a simple blood test (Triple Test?) be used?

What is your opinion on exercising during pregnancy and nutrition?

In my present condition, how much weight would I be expected to gain with or without twins?

What pregnancy books do you recommend I read?

Do you recommend any particular childbirth classes and why?

Where can I take them?

Do you recommend doulas? Which doulas have you worked with? Who would you recommend if I were to use one?

TWINS:
Would I automatically be induced at 38 weeks? Do we have the option of going later if babies and mom are doing well?

How are the babies monitored during labor?

Do you monitor them the same way when labor is induced?

Could you reiterate which routine procedures are used during labor?

Are they the same for twins delivery? For example, IVs, enemas, fetal monitoring.

Will we have the option of non-stirrups positioning for birth (such as side-lying or all fours) unless there is a complication?

Is epidural anesthesia advised during labor or is an unmedicated labor an option for us? What is your view?

I understand that usually one of the twins is not positioned headfirst. Where will the birth of the twins take place? Would I have the possibility of pushing the first one out in the birthing room or is OR recommended?

Who can be in the birthing room or OR? How many people?

Is there a wait time between the delivery of the first and second child? How long are you comfortable waiting before you order a c-section?

If we choose to, can pictures be taken and at what point?

What is your view on breastfeeding?

What is your availability? How does one get in touch with you under normal circumstances, emergency, holidays, weekends?

Between visits, whom do I direct my questions to?

What is the turn around between my calling and a callback and by whom (nurse, doc)?

You have privileges at hospital X, which I assume is where I would deliver. How would you describe their facilities?

What kind of care do you provide postpartum?

Ask questions about immunization before conception for both you and partner.

Are prenatal vitamins over the counter okay? What do you recommend?

[BC-KarenS-MI]

Ask your neighbors, your cousins (if they live close), your General Practice doctor for recommendations. I would ask if they would take care of you during your pregnancy, being that you have Hashimoto. Perhaps that's why your RE sent you to a Peri?? I would ask any potential OB if they would care for you with this issue & explain that you're controlled by medication. You could still see a regular OB/GYN (which would be nice because then you can continue care with them after the birth for your GYN needs). I have a friend who has some thyroid issues & she didn't have to see a Peri. She was controlled by meds & b/w being monitored, but her OB would work with her Endocrinologist.


Just because you use DE does not mean that your pregnancy is any different than any other pregnancy. Once you're pregnant, you're pregnant & unless you have health issues, your pregnancy will be like others.

I think one of the first things that I would do would be to decide which hospital you'd like to deliver at. Make sure that the hospital has a good nursery, one with a Level 2 or 3 NICU would be nice too, just in case your baby should need some help. Once you've chosen the hospital you'd like to deliver at, start looking for OB's who deliver there.

Some hospitals even have a referral program where you can call & get recommendations. That would be a start if you don't have friends/family/neighbor's who you can ask.

Good luck! Whatever you do, don't stay with the current doctor if you're that miserable with him. You want to enjoy those monthly, bi-monthly, & weekly visits! You should have a good relationship with your OB & feel confident that your birth experience with him/her will be a positive one!

Karen