Sort of an odd question: RE donor picking

[thebabyproject]

This can be for donor egg or sperm, though we're DE.

When picking your donor, did some of them look more like you/DH, have a "fine" profile, nothing you could put your finger on as being anything at all wrong with them, but still you just didn't feel like they were "it"?

I know the answer will be "just find someone else" and I have feelers out for a few more, but I guess I'm trying to analyze why a perfectly fine donor that's about my height, hair color, eye color, in Atlanta, totally available, smart, nothing I can put my finger on why, is "fine" just isn't doing it for me.

Any thoughts?

Emily

[cs1984cs]

Hi

Perhaps your feeling is just the "too good to be true" suspicion since usually in this world it's rather rare. However, only go with whomever you feel absoluetely comfortable with. The last thing you want is to have a second thought after the fact.

Personally, I prefer donors that looks like anyone in my family; however, if there isn't one available with my side of the family features, I go with my DH's. We've gone from very precise features we desired to very few b/c donors are few and far apart eventhough you get a bunch of them from a list it doesn't mean they'll be there or the one.

Unfortunately, I feel like a pro at choosing, but so far no luck; I'm close to say, any warm body will do but my RE begs to differ. Passing the medical has been the biggest hurdle after all the other crap, but I digress. What I am trying to say is cut yourself some slack; it's a big decision.

I hope this helps,

CS

[BC-MAV]

No donor was fine. No one is perfect. Either DH or I could put our finger on the exact trait that was a concern. You just have to accept if the concern is something that you can live with and also remember that neither you nor DH are perfect-LOL!

[BC-KarenS-MI]

I would definitely keep looking & if you end up feeling at ease with her, then go for it, but otherwise I say stick to your gut feeling. It won't usually steer you wrong!



Karen

[50/50]

I think you will know when you've found the right one. I was actually fine with another donor we were planning on using ... not in love but at the time she was our best option when we were ready to proceed someone else snagged her. I was heartbroken, but then we found our donor who was just perfect for us. Things will fall into place for you!

[thebabyproject]

Thanks guys,

The agency woman sent me 3 more profiles(hurray for her email getting fixed) and I think I like some of them better.

This is just such a weird process and being an engineer, I like to analyze and know WHY when it doesn't seem logical.

Guess because so many emotions are involved.

We'll do our second round of picking this weekend, I hope.

Emily

[thebabyproject]

Thanks again everyone for their replies

I let DH look at the profiles I had and told him to put them in order. He picked my #2 as #1 and picked the suspected ADD donor as #2(she really does seem like a sweet person, just maybe a little nervous). When I pointed out that I thought she may be ADD he thought I was reading too much into it, but also said any of the 4 I had were fine. He had put my #1 as last because she was "too short", so for the sake of compromise #2 is fine by me.

As of Friday she was available, so please let her be willing to cycle this fall. We'd have to do the RE testing, but the agency testing overlaps that and the donor is in Atlanta, so hopefully the testing won't be too hard to get done and goes well.

Only thing that worries me a little is the donor just turned 21 in June, so about as young as she can be and be a donor at my clinic. She seems responsible and all, just young. And looks it too, she makes me feel all of my 10 years older looking at her.

I'll call first thing tomorrow and hopefully I'll hear before we go to Pittsburgh Wed. evening if she accepts. Good thing is that I have 3 I'm happy enough with and they are all in Atlanta. And the one suspect girl is in Augusta, so only a 2 hour drive away.

This whole ADD thing makes me realize how crappy I'd look on a donor profile with my medical history(if I wasn't DOR/infertile, I mean). Obesity, heart disease, diabetes, manic-depression, schizophrenia, Alzheimer's, high blood pressure, weird cancers, lousy eyesight, crippling arthritis, osteoporosis all in my family tree(big families, lots of stuff). Another donor's mother had cervical cancer at 30 and I was torn as to whether to throw her out or not because there's a vaccine for that now, SIL had it at 38, and I'm pretty sure I'll instill good health habits in my kids, but it also sends up a red flag of "ooo, early cancer, bad news".

Emily