Would love some advice on talking to pastor about embryo donation....

[Marci]

Some friends suggested that we have a HUGE yard sale at our church (Chose Memorial Day - we're planning a HUGE sale!) and I spoke a little about it with our pastor. He's not sure about the fertility treatment stuff and the church getting involved (we're non-denom Christian). I don't think he quite understands what exactly we want, so I want to put together a presentation on what it is, how IF couples feel (he has no clue - he and his wife have 2 beautiful and unplanned miracles). I think that he thinks that we're making babies in labs in order to get pg with 8 and then selectively reduce half of them - something he read in a rag-mag or something.

These are babies and if they're not adopted, they will be destroyed, or live on ice eternally. I can get the science part of it down (which is going to be a small part of it), but I need help from others with IF, your feelings about feeling "called" to parenthood/motherhood and (for those who are believers) that God put that desire in your heart and it just keeps ggowing ands growing....I think you know what I mean.

Basically, I don't want the church to sponsor this, I just want to use the grounds and the name (for the paper, etc). People are already bringing things to my house for donations and I haven't even put news out there, these are just friends. I'd also like to use some of the much unused storage areas. I plan on having volunteers with trucks in case people have large items or just can't get donations there, the youth group there to BBQ hot dogs (my dh is the asst youth pastor) and lemonade and it'll help them with their winter ski trip fund at the same time.

I know this won't raise all the $ needed for donor embie (it could take more than 1 donation), but anything helps. No one will be inside the church building (except the workers to use the restroom!) - and hey, who knows, maybe they don't even know we're out there, they find the volunteers nice and would love to come to a service next weeek - ya never know!!

Anyone willing to help? Maybe with just a little of how you feel/felt about living with IF, seems like you're the only ones without kids, etc (we're going on 16 yrs of IF). This is our last try - after that, we get it. We'll stop. But this is knocking on my heart so badly and I don't just feel like God put a desire in my heart - I feel a promise in there, and God doesn't break a promise.

Just need some help on how to present this to him (next month). If you have any ideas - I would truly appreciate it. No, I'm not ready to accept that He doesn't have a child out there for us - can't get there yet. Maybe someday, but not now. Thanks for any advice you can give....

Marci
16 yrs ttc (everything but donor embie has been done - including failed adoptions.

[CTATigger]

If he is online, show him this music video...it is eloquent...
http://www.vocalicious.com/empty_arm..._arms_mod.html
about how you feel. There is also a Christian site for women with infertility problems, http://www.hannah.org/

[Kylie]

I can see why your pastor is hesitant to go along with your plan. I've never heard of someone trying to fund their ART treatment by borrowing their church's grounds to hold a rummage sale . I don't think I'd label it as a sale to benefit your infertility treatments. Infertility is just such a private thing to some people. I know if you were trying to raise funds to adopt a baby from overseas or something like that you'd get a different reaction. But actually asking people to help you fund the creation of life is kind of personal! It's an interesting idea, but if I were you I'd pick a different venue for the sale.

[hbby]

My Dad is a pastor so I know what you mean. Many people, including us, have used church facilities for our own sales. If it were me I would just say this is to help us have children. It can be hard to explain the embie thing. My Great-Grandma (she's 96 and VERY religious) told DH and I that we were forbidden to use DE because she thought we were doing some kind of cloning experiment If you already mentioned it to him I would use the video. The science part of it can be tricky without a visual. Best of luck and many

Can't wait to hear an update on how it went!!

[Marci]

Thanks for all of your inputs. It is true that maybe "infertility" is a little too private and maybe uncomfortable for most people. We are trying to raise money for embryo adoption - does this count as attempting to adopt? I don't know how to word it either to our pastor or the public to come to the sale. If we are not allowed to use our church's grounds, we WILL have this sale somewhere, even if we have to rent out the community center. We have so many people who want to be involved, I just cannot imagine a young, modern pastor and wife who wouldn't want our church to be a part of our attempting to have a child.

Any other ideas?? I'm open! I'm not putting much on the science - it's pretty straightforward. There are embryos (babies) that are up for adoption, as an child. If these babies are not chosen or "matched", they could end up as lab experiments or destroyed. That's about all the science I think I need to use.

The video is wonderful. I'm trying to figure out how to save this on to a CD. Anyone know how? We have a burner (double CD's) - while I'm not totally computer illiterate, I'm dumb when it comes to this - anyone that can help??

Thanks so much for you help. We will get the $ by this winter for the adoption. I trust that God will supply what we need - but I also want to be a part of raising it. I'm tired, I'm out of energy on this, and I just need this to work and I need the support of our pastor. I knew there was a reason I've been on this website for over 7 yrs.

Love,

Marci (and Kevin)
marcifarris@hotmail.com