Donor's decision

[genie]

We went to a private agency for our last ED. Paid the fees $10k, picked a great donor. She ovulated early and our cycle was canceled. Our clinic charged us for the full cycle but said we could put a portion of it toward our next cycle with this donor. The agency didn't say anything about getting anything back.
This evening, I got a call from the agency. The donor decided she doesn't want to cycle again. Now what??? We try to find another donor with this agency? We go through the whole **** thing again? All I want is our money back. I can't take this any more. Everything we try ends poorly. I can't help but think we just weren't meant to be parents.
Has anyone had this kind of crappy luck??

[ms_sea]

genie,
I am sooo sorry. I dont have any advice...but I do agree..this s*cks!
Tracy

I agree it s*cks.

However, I don't think you can blame the agency because the donor doesn't want to cycle again; it sounds like they have fulfulled their end of the bargain by finding you a match. I cannot recall for sure how my contract reads with the agency we're using, whether or not they would give us a break or not, but that would be at their discretion. You could argue they should have screened her psych profile more thoroughly and see how far they'll meet you.

Also, unless it was the ED that failed to do what she was told, she would be compensated up the stage she completed at the time of cancellation since afterall she did go through the trouble; no matter how hard it is for us to part with our money, we have to remember that the compensation is for the "trouble" not the eggs, technically.

When I asked my RE how many cycles he had to cancel he said one and that was at the request of the ED because of a death in her family that took her out of state; I can't say I heard it from someone else. It's not in his interest to throw it all out the window, so I can't say that I would look there either unless he does that to every patient, which makes it highly unlikely he would still be in business.

It sounds like bad luck; don't give up though. Take a break, but don't give up.

[flicka7]

I'm surprised you have to pay the full amount if the donor did not go through with a retrieval. Someone is pocketing that money for no time spent.

Our donor would not receive the final payment until the retrieval was complete. Whether she changed her mind to give us the eggs or not, she would be paid because she spent the time going through with it.

Our first donor's cycle was cancelled before retrieval for poor response. That cycle did end up costing us $8,000 total but that was for her meds, my meds, my treatment, etc. No retrieval cost. It does suck to spend that kind of money for nothing in return, but we got back on the horse and did it again and had GREAT results. You just have to decide how much you're able and willing to spend.

[DiIP]

Originally Posted by genie

We went to a private agency for our last ED. Paid the fees $10k, picked a great donor. She ovulated early and our cycle was canceled.

Seems like you'd have to go back and look at what the agency contract said and what the fees were for. For each step of the process that the agency/donor completed as agreed, they should be paid. They have no control over the fact that the donor ovulated early or that she decided to not cycle again, so it wouldn't be fair to blame them (doesn't sound like you are blaming, just frustrated that you are out the $$$ without even a retrieval). Perhaps the agency would be willing to give you a break on any future fees because the cycle was cancelled due to no fault of anyone, but it sounds like they did fulfill this contract by matching you with a donor that did follow protocol up to ovulation time.

Originally Posted by genie

Our clinic charged us for the full cycle but said we could put a portion of it toward our next cycle with this donor.

Couple of things here... Not sure why the clinic is charging you for the full cycle. Minimally, if the donor did not go through retrieval, they have no right to charge you for that. My clinic also charged for freezing, ICSI, and other items related to handling the embryos. Since you got no embies, seems like these items should also not be charged. Also, who was monitoring the donor? If it was your clinic (versus a different clinic in another state let's say), why didn't they catch the fact that she was ovulating early and either adjust her meds or get her in for retrieval earlier? I don't know if they have any way to tell, but I'd sure ask that question and make sure I understood the answer! If their monitoring technique was faulty and that was the reason retrieval didn't happen, they need to absorb their costs and give you minimally a break on some of the agency costs as well. One last question...is their offer to apply a portion of the cost to a future cycle only if you use the SAME donor? If their monitoring was faulty, seems like they should give you a break on any donor, not just the one who ovulated early.

Originally Posted by genie

Now what??? We try to find another donor with this agency? We go through the whole **** thing again? All I want is our money back. I can't take this any more. Everything we try ends poorly. I can't help but think we just weren't meant to be parents.
Has anyone had this kind of crappy luck??

I am so sorry that, after all your work and money, you still aren't pregnant. That is the hardest part of IF...the not knowing if all your effort will actually result in the child(ren) you want so badly. Give yourself time to work out the emotional and financial aspects of doing another cycle. Push a bit more for the clinic to cover some more costs. It sounds like you are not really willing to give up right now, just da#ned tired of the journey.

We went through two clinics, 10 years and 6 cycles to get my dd (donor egg). The seventh cycle produced my twins (donor embie). The emotional and financial costs are very, very high, but I have to say they are worth having our family.

Hugs,

Diana

[BC-MAV]

I am sorry that happenned with your ED. I have been through 8 IVF's and various RE's and NEVER ovulated early!!! I think BCP's and Lupron are supposed to suppress you. Sounds like a mistake on the ED's part by either not taking enough or perhaps the RE's protocol? Is the agency fee a fee for matching only? or is it for matching and having the ED go through an actual retrieval?

[genie]

Thanks for the responses. I took some advice and called the clinic. They are willing to refund all but 2k. I'm taking it. Called the agency. The woman who owns it read me the donor's email to her. Basically, she hated working with our clinic. She's willing to do another cycle with us but at the clinic she worked with for her first cycle. That cycle, the recipient had twins and 14 frozen embryos. My RE refused to repeat that protocol which is why, I think, she ovulated early. Yeah, they had her on Lupron and monitored her every day but still, the protocol was totally different from her successful one. Why not duplicate it? Is this an ego thing with doctors? My protocol is better than yours?! Whatever. I'm jumping ship. If the donor really is will willing to do another cycle, we'll go to her clinic (a highly reputable place, I'm not worried about moving over to them)
The woman at the agency asked me what my RE will think. I told her it doesn't matter what he thinks. He's a great guy but he couldn't help us achieve our goal and since this is our final attempt, we want to go where the donor is comfortable and has had great results.
Thanks for listening to me vent, yet again!

[DiIP]

Wow. I'd be RUNNING for the other clinic. What was your RE thinking?!?!?! I am so glad he is essentially refunding your $$. I'm also glad your donor is still interested in working with you guys, esp since I'm sure you went through a lot of soul searching to select her. I hope that the agency doesn't charge much money for using the same donor either.

I still am sorry this has turned out to be such a mess. IF is painful enough without having all this added on top.

Diana

[flicka7]

That's great that the donor is still willing to work with you! Good Luck on your next attempt!

[august]

I agree... I would go with donor to the other clinic too.