Newbie -- Known DS?

Boldie · 02-13-2006, 02:37 PM

I am a newbie, and have a question regarding donor sperm. First, we had been TTC for about 12 months when my DH was diagnosed with a zero sperm count. We are trying to plan ahead in case his first biopsy comes back negative. We are thinking of using DH's twin brother as a donor, and, thankfully, he is completely willing and happy to help us out with our situation.

Are there any of you who have used known DS, especially that of a close relative? Any comment or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!
Boldie

hoping&hoping · 02-13-2006, 03:18 PM

How is the relationship between your DH and his brother? Is there any resentment or jealousy? Would your BIL be able to think of the child as a niece or nephew and not his own child? What are his feelings? Would you tell the rest of the family? Using a known donor is good in manyt aspects but can also lead to many scary scenarios in my head.

maria2 · 02-14-2006, 12:54 AM

Hi there - I just wanted to be sure you looked at the thread just recently started about the same issue, down a few inches; here's the link:
http://www3.fertilethoughts.com/foru...d.php?t=387649
Glad you posted. Good question.
(I have a post in this link about this topic.)
-maria2

Boldie · 02-14-2006, 06:52 AM

DH and his twin get along as well as any other brothers, although are not competitive like the other post. My BIL actually brought it up to my other SIL (their sister) to see if we had mentioned anything to her about the possibility of him being a donor, so when we heard that it made us feel better about the situation.

Our families are very supportive of this option, especially since we are viewing it as a donation like any organ donation would be viewed... and you can't really get any closer in DNA than a twin brother.

We have wrestled with this for a few months now, and at first we were worried about how he would handle the whole thing... but we've talked with him and he conveyed that he felt he would not feel differently than if it was DH's sperm used.

All said, we are still hoping that DH has sperm and we won't have to face this option because it is the more complicated of the two. I think how you perceive the donation is how you will feel later down the line... or at least that is what I am hoping!

Sorry this was so long, but thanks for the responses! I don't know how I missed the other post before!
Boldie

02-17-2006, 11:55 AM

Personally, I think it sounds like a great idea as long as you are going to some day be honest with the kids. I mean, everyone else will know about it in the family, so they should, too.

At another board where I belong mom's are talking about how they have kids with health problems that they reported to the sperm bank (Fairfax),and Fairfax didn't stop selling the donor's sperm until a second mom contacted them with the same problems (multiple birth defects, etc.)

At least you know your BIL, and the kids have a darned good chance of looking like your DH!

Good luck,

Jen L.

Boldie · 02-17-2006, 01:51 PM

Thanks, Jen! We are going to see BIL and SIL this weekend, and hopefully talk a little more. It's still about another 2 or 3 weeks before we know if DH has no sperm at all, so we just want to give them a heads up of what we could possibly be facing.

That's scary about the sperm bank... you think they'd not risk something like that!

B

02-13-2006, 02:37 PM	#1 (permalink)
Boldie Registered User Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Florida Posts: 3	Newbie -- Known DS? I am a newbie, and have a question regarding donor sperm. First, we had been TTC for about 12 months when my DH was diagnosed with a zero sperm count. We are trying to plan ahead in case his first biopsy comes back negative. We are thinking of using DH's twin brother as a donor, and, thankfully, he is completely willing and happy to help us out with our situation. Are there any of you who have used known DS, especially that of a close relative? Any comment or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! Boldie

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02-13-2006, 03:18 PM	#2 (permalink)
hoping&hoping Registered User Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 145	How is the relationship between your DH and his brother? Is there any resentment or jealousy? Would your BIL be able to think of the child as a niece or nephew and not his own child? What are his feelings? Would you tell the rest of the family? Using a known donor is good in manyt aspects but can also lead to many scary scenarios in my head.

02-14-2006, 12:54 AM	#3 (permalink)
maria2 Registered User Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Oregon Posts: 477	Hi there - I just wanted to be sure you looked at the thread just recently started about the same issue, down a few inches; here's the link: http://www3.fertilethoughts.com/foru...d.php?t=387649 Glad you posted. Good question. (I have a post in this link about this topic.) -maria2

02-14-2006, 06:52 AM	#4 (permalink)
Boldie Registered User Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Florida Posts: 3	DH and his twin get along as well as any other brothers, although are not competitive like the other post. My BIL actually brought it up to my other SIL (their sister) to see if we had mentioned anything to her about the possibility of him being a donor, so when we heard that it made us feel better about the situation. Our families are very supportive of this option, especially since we are viewing it as a donation like any organ donation would be viewed... and you can't really get any closer in DNA than a twin brother. We have wrestled with this for a few months now, and at first we were worried about how he would handle the whole thing... but we've talked with him and he conveyed that he felt he would not feel differently than if it was DH's sperm used. All said, we are still hoping that DH has sperm and we won't have to face this option because it is the more complicated of the two. I think how you perceive the donation is how you will feel later down the line... or at least that is what I am hoping! Sorry this was so long, but thanks for the responses! I don't know how I missed the other post before! Boldie

02-17-2006, 11:55 AM	#5 (permalink)
nathanzmom Guest Posts: n/a	Personally, I think it sounds like a great idea as long as you are going to some day be honest with the kids. I mean, everyone else will know about it in the family, so they should, too. At another board where I belong mom's are talking about how they have kids with health problems that they reported to the sperm bank (Fairfax),and Fairfax didn't stop selling the donor's sperm until a second mom contacted them with the same problems (multiple birth defects, etc.) At least you know your BIL, and the kids have a darned good chance of looking like your DH! Good luck, Jen L.

02-17-2006, 01:51 PM	#6 (permalink)
Boldie Registered User Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Florida Posts: 3	Thanks, Jen! We are going to see BIL and SIL this weekend, and hopefully talk a little more. It's still about another 2 or 3 weeks before we know if DH has no sperm at all, so we just want to give them a heads up of what we could possibly be facing. That's scary about the sperm bank... you think they'd not risk something like that! B