Embryo Donation

My DH and I are still waiting for a match right now. Meanwhile, we're tackling the idea of donating embryos should we have any left over. However, after speaking to our lawyer who takes care of all the contract stuff with the agency and ED, we have found out that typically the ED will not allow it because of consanguinity and thus the difficulty of keeping track of 1/2 sibling. To avoid this, the best way they have found out is to have only the father's DOB, i.e. my DH in our case, given to the ED and any other 1/2 sibling born from other IP the ED donates to. We will offer to get the DOB of any IP we would give the embryos to, but don't know until we're match if that would be acceptable.

What is your experience? Any comments?

[BC-donor]

I honestly have NO clue to your question, but I didn't want you to feel ignored. Maybe someone will have an answer for you. Perhaps you might want to ask this question on the General Pregnancy bb?

[TRC]

Are you doing an open donation or anonymous? It's my understanding that once the you are in possession of the eggs they are yours to do with what you want. They are legally yours.

Although we didn't do donor eggs we did do donor embryos. We were given 18 frozen donated embryos (signed the normal clinic contract to take possession of them) that were from a woman who used an ED/SD (each of whom could have donated numerous times, who knows) to concieve her baby. She then donated the remaining embryos to the clinic's program. Of those we thawed 8, transferred 4, discarded 4 and ended up with triplets. We then donated the remaining embryos to another couple (a private donation). Neither the original ED/SD or the first recipient had any say in what we did with the remaining embryos and were not even told if any children resulted. We do however have contact with the couple we donated them to and will continue to do so through letters, emails, and photos so that any children produced will have the option later in life of knowing their siblings.

I don't know if any of this helps...I guess there's a lot of ways to do things and every clinic and/or state is different. The bottom line I suppose is you need to be comfortable with the decision.

[gs42]

Read your contract very carefully. Hopefully it will address this issue. It is my understanding that the donor must agree to allowing the embryo to be donated to another couple. Most contracts stipulate that the donor is donating to *you* and you alone. That is how my contracts were/are worded.

As a donor, I personally would not sign a contract allowing embryo to be donated to another couple UNLESS the adopting couple were also willing to share if children resulted from the donation. I have children of my own to protect and would not want them to eventually meet a genetic sibling. I realize the chances are small, but better safe than sorry. Therefore, I have semi-anonymous and known donations with the couples I've donated to.

I believe one agency that had been around a while got caught up in a legal battle over this very issue and the law suit following resulted in them closing their doors permanently.

Thanks for the comments folks.

gs42,

I realize that it would be up to each individual ED to decide if the resulting embryos can be donated to other IP or not if we no longer wish to have them for ourselves. Giving them up to science or destroying them so far seems the easy way to go, but it does not feel like great options.

This donation is anonymous and ours would be as well so pictures and regular communications are not going to happen and we will not tell our children they are ED products. Consanguinity is addressed by giving the DOB of the father (my DH); clearly it's not full proof -- what is?

I'm curious to find out if you, gs42, as a donor, feel it is an acceptable offer to give you the DOB of the IP's father to whom we're donating the embryos? This way you'd have my DH's DOB and theirs to avoid our 1/2 sibling to marry or something.

Obviously, if the ED doesn't agree, we'll have to go back to option 1 or 2, science or destruction. What's to say they actually destroy them and don't go straight to the lab. Much trust is involved.

TIA

[gs42]

I am all for embryo donation. I think it's a wonderful that those who have faced a similar situation have the heart to donate to someone who is currently filling those shoes. I applaud you for choosing that route as your first choice.

From being a donor though I feel the need to protect my own children from possibly meeting a genetic sibling which is why I'm only comfortable with semi-anonymous or open donations. I would agree in a heart beat to sign for my former intended parents to donate their leftover embryos, but with the same basic stipulation in which I donated to them. I would request some limited information on the adopting couple and/or resluting child/children. The date of birth seems a pretty good idea although I prefer the first name and sex of any resulting baby/babies. I figure if one of my children are in college and start "dating" someone in the age range with a certain first name then I'd have cause to worry.....otherwise I wouldn't think twice about it. It could be months or years before a relationship got serious enough to even warrant a parent's date of birth (thus the reason for having info on the child). I certainly don't want to parent someone else's child nor interfere in the parent/child relationship of my former intended parents- my reasons are strickly to protect my own children. Their decision on what to tell *their* children is strickly up to them. On a side note, I have provide *my* children's information (first name/ages) to my former intended parents. They too wanted to avoid any possibility of their children meeting/dating/marrying a genetic tie. It worked out very well for all of us. They have their much wanted family and we all have our peace of mind.

I hope your donor is willing to allow you to donate to another couple. I think it would be wonderful to know that not one, but two (or more!) people benefited from a single donation.

You may not even have to worry about it as it may have already been addressed if you went through a clinics donor pool. If the donor signed a "general" release it may already give you full authority over any leftover embryo without needing any additional permission from the donor. I was through an agency so I had a very *detailed* contract. I know a few donors who've donated through clinics in anonymous programs and they didn't sign a "contract", but more of a release of sorts. In that event you may not need your egg donors permission to donate the remaining embies. I just wanted to make you aware that there have cases where it was against the original contract to do so without the donor's consent. I in no way wanted to discourage you from donating! In fact, I hope you ARE able to help someone experience the joys of parenthood.

gs42,

Thank you for your reply. I agree with you that the children need to be protected. I was uneasy about just the DOB of the IFs being disclosed for the same reason you mention. It would be awkward to ask for the date's father's DOB: "Oh, hi hon, I see you have a new friend, so, what's his dad's b-day."

I like the idea of the first name and sex, but feel uneasy all the same; it feels like too much info to share. Also, if it's a common name, it could really cause some paranoia. Maybe it's just me. The approximate age would help. I'm certainly going to bring it up to all parties involved when the time comes and my DH tonight. I hope we manage somehow to resolve this issue with some level of comfort.

Thanks again!

[Mommak]

Oh I didnt even see this thread earlier as I just had posted a sort of similar Q about donating.

lots to read Im going back to re read.

[gs42]

mx2006........I can COMPLETELY understand your concerns. For me, they were very valid concerns.

I worked in law enforcement for many years so I knew it would be difficult to locate a person based solely on their first name and age. A first and LAST name - not a problem, but a first name alone - pretty difficult. Plus, I knew *I* wouldn't be attempting to "look anyone up" so for me it was a strickly a comfort factor.

Thankfully, most of my donations have been in other states so that also limits the probability of one of my children meeting a genetic sibling. If you donate you might want to consider someone in a different state (or on the other side of the country!) to help minimize those unlikely chances as well.

Good luck!

gs42,

Great idea the "other state" donation; I'll explore the idea further

Thanks again