desperate for DE info- please help

[SmilingHelps]

Hello Ladies

I have just learned that I am going through ovarian failure. I am 25 years old and my husband is 37. We have been married for 5 years and we are coming up on our TTC first anniversary. I have gone through shots with intercourse, one IUI and now we have gone through 1 failed IVF cycle. With this IVF cycle, I was supposed to have four eggs, but when they went in to retrieve, they discovered that I had only one egg. This morning, we learned that the egg did not fertilize and my doctor said that we cannot go through any more IVF cycles because I simply don't have the eggs in me.

With this said, I need to mention that I would love to adopt but that my husband is desperate to have his own biological child. He said that he cannot embrace adoption. I am willing to embrace using an DE, however, I am not really knowledgable in this aspect of treatment.
Although my husband and I have never had to worry about money, we are now concerned that using a DE will take away all of the money that we saved up for our children (children that we never could concieve).
My doctor uses donor eggs and has several women that he uses for this. We have an appointment to discuss the situation with him on monday.

How much does it cost? what are the statistics in using a DE? has anyone had a first time success? Is it really $30.000 for each cycle? ...How did everyone finance this? What does the recipient of the DE do while the donor is going through her cycle? Will we meet her and will my husband and she have to go through the IVF retrieval together?

anyone who can help me and answer my questions will be appreciated! Please help me! I'm desperate.

[50/50]

Hi Friarfly,

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. BUt DE is a great alternative.

I'll try to help answer some of your questions. Cost really varies..if you go with an RE that has a donor pool you will save a lot of money. There are also some women here that have done split cycles and the cost is A LOT cheaper. If you go with an agency you will pay a lot more...for example my cycle including meds, prescreens, donor, agency fee, etc...was over $30K.

I would ask your RE what his success rate is as this varies with each RE/Clinic. My RE gave us a success rate of 50-75%...I am now pg on my first fresh cycle.

While your donor is cycling you are basically twiddling your thumbs. I was put on bcps then lupron, then estrogen patches and PIO shots.

From what I hear most donors that are from RE donor pools are kept anonymous so it is unlikely you will get to meet her...some do not even offer photos of the donors. That is one of the reasons I wanted to use an agency as well as it is difficult to find some ethnicities and of course mine was one of them.

She will go through the cycle by herself or she may bring a friend along if she so chooses. Seriously it is a waiting game on the recipient side. Some recipients aren't even told how the donors cycle is going (how many follies she has devleoped etc...). I was sweating bullets when I cycled...LOL. But everything went great!

I hope I helped you in some way. Best of luck to you on your journey I hope you will find your way to your baby soon!

[Stefani]

Welcome,

I'm sorry to hear about your cycle. I hope this helps...

How much does it cost?
The cost will vary depending on the clinic you choose and the donor you select. I think a safe estimate is 20K to 35K.

what are the statistics in using a DE?
The success rates vary according to clinic. Two clinics with very high success rates are PCRM in Portland and CCRM in Denver. I go to the latter, and my physician quoted us a 75% chance. Unfortunately they are very expensive. Although not current, you can compare clinics at: http://apps.nccd.cdc.gov/ART2002/clinics02.asp

has anyone had a first time success?
Lots of women have success with their first cycle. Others become pregnant with a DE-FET. However, some women do not become pregnant the first time and will require a second cycle.

Is it really $30.000 for each cycle?
It can be.

...How did everyone finance this?
We are fortunate to have a rather high income, so we saved the money.

What does the recipient of the DE do while the donor is going through her cycle?
I haven't been through my first cycle yet so I won't be able to provide as much information here. The recipient and donor cycles will be synchronized. I think recipients use estrogen patches, maybe other meds too, but I'm not sure. You won't use any stimulation drugs; only the donor will stimulate.

Will we meet her and will my husband and she have to go through the IVF retrieval together?
Most clinics require anonymous donation, so if you use your clinic's donor pool, you probably won't meet her. It is possible to find a donor through an agency and she may be willing to meet you and your husband. I think most recipient couples do not meet the donor, but some may exchange messages through nurses, agencies or have limited e-mail contact. Your husband will provide a speciman at the time of retrieval.

You will find even more information about clinics, agencies, donor requirements, successes etc... at http://www.ivfconnections.net/board/...splay.php?f=50

Best of Luck to you,

Stefani

[BC-donor]

First, I think that I'd get a 2nd opinion before just making the dive right into DE. Having had my own children through DE, I say that it's an amazing option & a wonderful choice, however, I've seen some RE's that will jump the gun & recommend DE before exhausting other options. I know 2 people personally who were told that they had to use an egg donor but when they went for a 2nd opinion, they were able to cycle with their own eggs & they now have kids using their eggs!!

How much does it cost? As the others have said, that will vary from RE to RE. I've seen a DE cycle be as low as $12,000 & as high as $30,000 for one cycle. My RE only charged $14,000 & that was for everything, including the donors meds. We were also able to see a picture of the donor, but it was an anonymous donation, which was fine by us. If you use an agency, you're going to pay a LOT more for your donor. You'll pay hefty agency fees that can start at $5,000 & your donor fees can be around $5,000 or more. If you use an RE that has a donor pool, typically those donors only receive about $2-3,000 for the donation. (doesn't really seem like a donation when they're getting $5k+, you know?)

What are the statistics in using a DE? That also varies from RE to RE. I've seen some that have terrible stats, as low as 11% & others that have stats around 50-70%! Check out the CDC's web site & you'll get an idea, although there are factors that can come in to play, but it's a start. I see that Stefani posted the link to the site. Check it out.

Has anyone had a first time success? I've seen some ladies be successful on their first attempt, & others who've needed to do a cycle or 2 before finding success. Unfortunately, there simply are no guarantees when doing IF tx.

How did everyone finance this? I've seen people refinance their house when they could get a lower interest rate. I've seen people get credit cards that offer cash back & then transfer the balance to a credit card that's offering 0% interest on balance transfers. I've seen people get a home equity loan. It just depends on how much you need & how much you need to come up with.

What does the recipient of the DE do while the donor is going through her cycle? Well, you'll only be on meds to get your cycle in synch with your donor's cycle, so you might be put on BCP's and/or Lupron. When you're done with those, or if you don't take those at all, you'll take some form of Estrogen, either Estrace (pills) Climara or Vivelle (patches) or Delestrogen (shots). The Estrogen would be started around the time your donor starts her stims, in most cases. Some RE's like you to be on Estrogen a little longer. Then a couple days before your transfer you'd begin to take supplemental Progesterone, either in pill form (Prometrium), cream form (Crinone), suppositories, or shots (PIO). Aside from that, it depends on how your clinic works, but some clinics won't even give you updates on how the donor's doing while others will give you daily updates on her follicle progress! Just depends.

Will we meet her? Whether you meet the donor or not is based on whether or not you're doing an anonymous donation. Obviously if it's anony, then you won't meet her, but you WILL receive a very detailed packet of info with everything about the donor & her immediate family. You'll learn more about her, her likes, dislikes, her reasons for wanting to be a donor, her health history as well as her immediate family's health history. If it's an anonymous donation, the clinic will work very hard to make sure that you & your donor never cross paths & that you never get any identifying info on each other.

Will my husband and she have to go through the IVF retrieval together? No, your Dh will NOT be there with her. She'll be alone, or if your RE allows, she may be able to bring a friend or family member of her own for moral support, but it most certainly will NOT be your DH!! The day of her retrieval, your DH will need to go to the clinic so he can give his sperm sample so that they can fertilize the eggs that are retrieved, but your DH will not have any contact with her.

Good luck with your upcoming appointment!! Let us know how it goes! BTW, has your RE checked your FSH & LH? That's pretty important to know the FSH before making a final decision on moving on to DE.

[BC-MAV]

Yes, get a 2nd opinion!!!! After my 1st IVF the RE only retrieved 5 eggs and we had maybe 1 decent looking embryo, a fair embryo, and a questonable embryo. He said I might need to do DE after it failed and seeing the poor results. I was shocked because this was the 1st IVF. We did get another opinion and this Dr. out of state said I might need DE too looking at the 1st IVF results. After 3 more IVF's with a different Dr. he said my eggs were FINE and we made GREAT embryos with his protocol and lab. I never did get pregnant but I have unexplained infertility. We did go on to get other doctors opinions as to why I wasn't getting pregnant. Still no answers from any of the diagnostic tests.

So perhaps your Dr. is wrong? They are human-lol! Good luck and maybe you will not have to do DE. And even if you do it's a great option. This baby to be will have our ED's genetics. We figured after all the unexplained years of ttc and 2 years ttc with a SM and our gametes that one of the variables had to change.

[SmilingHelps]

Thank you to everyone for your responses! All of my questions have been answered and I am much less nervous than I had been originally.
I have not only gotten a 2nd opinion, but a 3rd and 4th as well. I am going through ovarian failure and there is nothing that anyone can do for me really. If we want to have children we must either adopt or use a donor egg.
My husband and I are also very blessed to have a rather high income (well, my husband does- i am an at home wife who shops a lot), so the finances of this can be arranged. At first, the thought was overwhelming, but now it seems not only do-able, but something that we are definately going to do.

We have an appointment with my RE on monday who has his own donors. We will get all of the details then. Also, I have an appointment with a a place in Chicago that has very high success rates. I just want to hear their take on things as well (they were my 2nd opinion originally).

Again, thank you for all of your help
Jen