New and considering DS

[GinaB]

Hello Everyone,

My DH and I started on the IF road in May. We learned that my DH was diagnosed with testicular failure. We've had a biopsy done and nothing was found. We've found that he has a genetic issue that prevents him from producing sperm. Obviously this was devasating news and we've had a rough few months.
Initially, DH was competley against using DS, as he has moral issues against it, and couldnt let go of the question, "WHY would anyony donate sperm?!" He assumed that any one could walk off the street and donate, and didnt understand the screening process. We met with our RE last week and discussed the donor issue, how it works, the screening process etc. I think hearing this info from the RE enlightened my DH....he gave us packets of info from the CA Cryobank and Fairfax. We went online that evening and did more research. We were both amazed at how much your know about the donors.....medical, psychological, personality testing etc. My DH is slowly beginning to be more supportive of using DS, but he still has some religiosu concerns as we are Catholic.

At the point, we're gathering info and will make a decision once we've gone over everything.
For those of you using DS, which banks do you think are the most reputable, have high success rates etc? Any thoughts you'd like to share?
We're going to an IF suppport group next month, where there will be a guest speaker on adoption and donor options. I'm hoping this will be informative.
There are so many things to think about!!

Thanks for listening

[g4ranny]

Hello

I am so sorry that you have to be dealing with this - but please know that we are all here for you. My husband is rowing in the same boat as yours. He was totally for DS from the beginning and I was the one not so sure. Over a period of a few months I came to realize that DS gives us the opportunity to be a part of the 9 month pregnancy and in the end it is our baby.

We looked at both CA Cryobank and Fairfax. One thing you need to remember is that CA Cryobank limits the number of offspring to 10 and Fairfax does not. We did not allow this fact to hinder our selection process - we felt that each bank was reputable and we need to go with the donor that we felt most comfortable and felt connected with. We found that at Fairfax.

As for as your question about reputable - I think they are equally reputable.

When talking about success rates you need to remember that it depends alot on the woman too. The donor we choose has over 9 offspring and I have had 3 failed IUIs. So one can not truely weigh the success rates. I am in contact with a few of the parents that have children from the donor we selected and almost all of them got pregnant on the 1st or 2nd time.

Have you had the HSG test? This test insures that your uterus and tubes are clear and free from obstruction. This is so important to have.

Just some things to think about:
Have you decided who to tell?
Have you decided to tell the child?

There are so many things to think about but I found that journaling was extremely helpful to me.

Jennifer

[Kylie]

I live in MI too . We used International Cryogenics in Birmingham, which is fairly close to where we live. What part of MI do you live in?

[babywanter]

Gina -

We used Cal and now have a DD. We just had her Catholic baptism. We disclosed DS and IVF to our priest and he was just excited we had success. I just wanted to let you know that there are priests who feel this way. Good luck!

-Wendy

[mmi]

I sent you a private message.

[GinaB]

To all of you

You've given me things to think about, both good and bad. I am excited about learnring more about ds. I think my DH is as well. We are still hung up on what to or not to tell his family. His family is much different than we are. They are hard to talk to, and the majority of our conversations are very superficial. So you can imagine my feelings at sitting down and discussing this with them. My DH feels that he wants them to know we are considering this, as he worries that they would not accept this child. However, couldnt the same be said with adoption? Or is it because DS is a more heated debate?
Anyway, we both feel that we want to be honest. My parents and friends are aware of the IF and are very supportive of using DS.

I'll keep you posted on what we decide to do. Its nice to feel hopeful again after a rough few months.

Gina

[Goodthingscome]

GinaB,

I completely understand what you are saying about the inlaws. Dh's parents are also very superficial and hard to talk too. We, like you both, wanted to be honest so we called them in to tell them we were having IF issues - before we new about the DS option and we waited 8 days!!!! for them to come in!

Well since that time, which was 3 months ago, Dh's father has been rushed to hospital with heart trouble and noboday called until 12 hrs later and we havent herd from them at all since.

As for whether or not to tell the outlaws, I would say that in a time like this you need all the support that you can get and if you both are thinking of confiding in people who you feel wont get it or wont understand or accept your child, then I would suggest dont bother. Because both you and Dh need all the strength and energy you have to work though this IF crisis.

Its hard enough dealing with IF, and then throwing into the mix unneccesary complications. I wouldnt lie to them, if they take the initiative to ask then great, but if not then dont tell. If they cant be bothered asking why should you guys be the ones to make all the moves.

I hope this has helped, and please bear in mind these are just my opinions. We learnt the hardway with Dh's family I hope you dont have to.

Take care and all my best wishes

[JenNelll]

I agree completely with what Vicky said, only tell if you are comfortable about it!!!! You are sooo right to read as much as you can about the whole DS situation, it always helps to be able to explain if you do decide to tell and it also helps to make you more comfortable with the whole situation and proceedure! Good luck to you and your DH, we are always here if you have more questions, or even if you just need to talk.
Jen